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-Sigh-

Seriously? I'm tired of always being the person who is turned down. This happened AGAIN yesterday...Why? Because of distance problems. And it's only...just abuot 2 hours away..Oh well. And I really liked the guy. He was sweet, fun to talk to, easy to get along with, and always has fun stories to tell, and he was really cute ^_^.

I've come to realize..that I have THE worst luck when it comes to guys. Once I start to like them, and they like me, something happens and they jump ship. What is it that I'm doing wrong? I did have a great boyfriend. But of course, yet again I fucked that up. It's always either I fuck it up by acting stupid, or they just "change their minds".

And you know what really gets me? How they say "I would love to still be friends". Yeah..You know that famous line? Usually NEVER ends up happening. Especially in cases with me. I don't know why. We are usually great friends before we started dating..Then once we break up it's like.."ADIOS BITCH!!!" >__< Nope...can't have that now can I? Noo no no no. Oooof course not!!!

Everything just has to be 10x worse for good ol' Teresa doesn't it? x_x

I'm tired of looking. I'm tired of making the first move. I'm tired of being the one who always ends up driving. I'm tired of waiting.

How much longer do I have to wait???

COMMENTS

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XxshadowxwolfxX
16:15 Aug 02 2009

Sounds like me.....

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T-Teresa (me), R-Ryan, Syd-Sydney, B-Brandi, J-Jarard ,S-Sammeh, D-Deric, BF-Becky, A-Alyssa



~ Fuzzy ass cheeks + cheese = NOM NOMZ :D

~ I want a polkadoted penis!!

~ Cheese in ass crack = nom nomz

~ T-"I'm bisexual but lesbians make me jealous >_>"

~ Grandpa's in short shorta make me gag x_x

~ T-"We are on a fox hunt. I'm the fox and dogs are penises..THEY ARE AFTER ME!!!"

~ T-"You're sitting on the can!"

B-"The what?"

T-"The pop can? The can? Toilet? Can?"

~ I'm the drama roadkill squirrel!!!

~ J-"Teresa's halloween costume consists of 2 band aids and a potato chip"

~ T-"We're high on something!!!"

R-"We inhaled air!!"

~ BF-"Is that a silver nipple??"

T-"No?...It's silver nail polish lol".

~ R-"It's jews in a jar."

T-"Mr. Boyden?"

~ D-"Why is orgasm a 6 letter word? Cuz it's easier to spell than Ohmygodyesohshitdeeperyesgodfuckme!"

~ R-"Your ugly enough to make me go full queer!"

~ Cream! You have chips in your cream!

~ "What if you had a third nipple on your ass cheeks? You would breast feed your baby and if you farted you would kill the baby!!!! The cop would ask how it died and you'd say 'I was breast feeding him/her and I farted'"

~ T-"I always thought babies came out your belly button because the belly button would pop out. On most pregger women their belly buttons pop out. And the abby would come out and go BLOOP!"

R-"It would be like a zit."

D-"ZIT BABY!!"

A-"I can just imagine some pregnant woman standing in front of the mirror trying to pop their zit baby" XD

~ D-"I remember having the 'talk' with my mom. I just said guys have dicks and girls have vaginas and they go in and out and then white stuff comes out"

~ BF-"I dropped frosting on my crotch...I've been creamed!!"

~ R-"Che che has cream on her back"

T-"Thats ok. She can just eat herself" XD

~ T-"All this cream has made me have to fart..."

~ R-"My stomach is full of cream."

T-"Soon you will cream it all into the toilet"

~ "Don't shit on your ass nipples!!"

~ A-"If you inhale jello mix and spit it out, it makes liquid jello"

~ "Stick it through the fence!!! FENCE SMEX!!!"

~ "Hurrican Katrina was God cumming on New Orleans"

~ R-"You popped my cherry Teresa!"

T-" Eh..I like strawberries better!!! OMG I POPPED YOUR STRAWBERRY RYAN!!"

(Teresa-Chocolate covered strawberry popper, Ryan-chocolate covered banana popper, Sammeh-Caramel apple popper)

~ BF-"Teresa and I can be vaginal string twins!!!! XD"

~ T-"I HAVE A WATER PENIS!! FEEL ME COME INSIDE YOU AND MAKE YOU WET!!!!"

Today was the day that I realized....I don't understand myself...At all. I don't understand why I do the things I do, why I act the way I do, why I feel the way I feel, or say what I say. I don't know why I do it. It just...happens. I was organizing my mom's recipe box a little bit ago and I stopped myself to think...Separating these recipes is like separating your feelings. Like love, lust, happiness, sadness, anger, depression, bliss, excitement, etc. I just realized...That I don't have a recipe box for myself. I don't have a box with little tabs that separates the different things that make me....well...me, I guess. All of my feelings and emotions are all mushed together in one box. They feed off each other which is why when one emotion is corrupted or pulled out of the box, they all try to come out. That's why when someone hurts me...It's not just sorrow or pain or misery. It's anger, frustration, vengence, hatred. I don't think I've ever fully known what it's like to have all my emotions separated so they don't effect one another. I've tried so many times to figure out why I would get so angry when I was hurt. It's because I'm not in tune with my own emotions. They control me...When it's supposed to be the other way around. I've become submissive to my harmful and abusive emotions. I don't know how to control them. I don't know how I can talk to my exes and not feel any pain. I know, in my mind that I don't care anymore. I know for sure that I don't because when I think about them I can't bring myself to cry. It's not possible. But for some reason, when I talk to Ethan or another, I feel my heart fall a little. It's not that I have feelings for them anymore, because I don't....It's like...I'm supposed to be fully okay when I talk to them. Just because they have moved on and have another love in their life doesn't mean that I have to...Right? I'm not being forced to move on so quickly. I don't know...In my mind, my emotions want me to cry...They want me to hate them for breaking my heart. But my mind is stronger and it tells those emotions to shut the fuck up and settle down. I hate this..I have so much to be happy for, but I have so much more that I could be hateful for. I'm afraid that once I come in tune with my crazy emotions, then something will change. Something inside of me will change and I won't be the same. Maybe that's why I want to go to Ohio so badly. So I can come in tune with my emotions and become a new person. Maybe then I'll be able to quench this everlasting flame that flares inside my chest. Maybe I haven't moved on from Ethan and the others. Maybe way deep down inside my heart I'm wanting them back...But....I don't want them back...At all...Once a heart breaker always a heart breaker. Which I can say that I am among many with that title. I know I'm a good person. I know I am. But my heart still holds onto the past and won't let go. Which I chastise myself for everyday. Though the thing I don't understand about myself is why I can be so cruel to my significant other...I could say it's because I'm afraid of losing them or because I'm readying myself for when the breakup happens. Which has happened a few times. Though I don't think that's fully true. I'm not abusive. I never will be like my mom. I just don't understand why I can be so mentally and verbally cruel. Even if I love them and they know I love them I still treat them badly sometimes...My sister is the same way sometimes. I don't know...But maybe...Just maybe my heart is trying to tell me something...Maybe it's trying to teach me that holding onto the past is a learning mechanism for the future. I don't know. Though I plan to find out. So until then..........