The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

In the darkest skies we see the truth

In the cloudiest days we see honor

Tonight we see beauty

And tomorrow we will see love



Why isn't it that you cannot see

The truth that is in front of your nose

It stands there waving its arms at you

But you are completely oblivious



The stars are crying out to you

Why can't you hear their cries

They wail all through the night

Though there is no response



As you walk in the dark

The little critters jump at your feet

You don't pay any attention

Your mind is focused on your path



You walk right past

And don't even acknowledge

What the hell did I do this time

Why can't you even say hello



You trip on a fallen tree branch

But quickly recover your balance

Acting as if it never happened

That wouldn't be the first time



I watch as you continue your walk

As I stand with bloody legs from the thorn branches

I walk out in the path

And fall to my knees



I should be used to this feeling

The feeling of abandonment

Though this time

I thought it would be different



Why must you torture me so

With your sweet words

And your soft touch

And your gentle kiss



Please just leave me alone

If you continue this

I will forever want you

And will forever be hurt



Since I know you will never come back

You will never return those feelings

Just please let us be friends

So my feelings for you may be at ease

Even if you looked into the sky

Counted the stars one by one, you'd

Not come close, but barely begun

To come close to the number

Of forevers I want to share

With you the one who's always there

There to always make it okay

There with all your special ways

There through the day and into night

There to make everything all right

There to stand unyieldingly by my side

Support me, no matter what I decide

There to tell me that you love me

To be the one who makes me me

Who gives me strength to make it through

It makes me wonder how I deserve you

I am eternally thankful for all you've done

From now until forever, you are the one.

You asked me if I loved you

And I had to stop and wonder why

Cant you see it in my smiling face

Or here shining in my eyes



Then I got to thinking

why should you know its true

If I don't take the time to speak

and say these words to you



I love you in the morning

when the dew kisses the rose

when songbirds greet the rising sun

that's when my heart always knows



I love you at noontime

with the sun high above my head

when dishes need doing

but I come to you instead



I love you at twilight

as the sunset blushes the night

when the day drifts into darkness

and you are my only light



I'll love you til forever

That's a long, long time they say

But my heart knows you are my someone

Til time just fades away



I love you in the morning

at noontime

In the twilight of my years

Forever's not that long

To spend with you

You chase away the fears



I'll love you forever

And ever

Again

I want to love

I want to love like in the fairy tales

All those wonderful fairy tales

The ones that my mother use to read to me

Sitting there so young and innocent



I wanted to be the one

The one to find the prince

The one to be the damsel

I wanted that love

I wanted that fairy tale love



I wanted someone to sweep me away

To wake me with a kiss

To caress my face

To kiss my brow

I want that kind of love

That fairy tale love



That love that doesn't seem to exist

I want to have the man on the horse carry me away

Far away into the sunset

I want to live happily ever after

I want that special love that you can only get in dreams

I want that fairy tale love



I want to open a book one day and it is about me and my lover

The Knight in shining armor is mine

The castle on the hill is ours

The feeling of never losing is there

I want that love

I want that fairy tale love



I want to feel that everything is perfect

Just once in life

I want to live in faith flying to the wind

No worries

No hurt

No anger



Just once

Just once

I want that love

I want that fairy tale love



Can you help me find it?

Don't ever be reluctant

to show your feelings

when you're happy, give in to it.

When you're not, live with it.



Don't ever be afraid to try to

make things better

you might be surprised at the results.



Don't ever take the weight of the world

on your shoulders.



Don't ever feel threatened by the future

take life one day at a time.



Don't ever feel guilty about the past

what's done is done. Learn from any

mistakes you might have made.



Don't ever feel that you are alone

there is always somebody there

for you to reach out to.



Don't ever forget that you can achieve

so many of the things you can imagine.

It's not as hard as it seems.



Don't ever stop loving

don't ever stop believing,

don't ever stop dreaming your dreams.

Deep black waters

reflect a silver moon

shimmering

in midnight mists.



Eyes drift slowly

over ghostly forms,

appearing, then fading

back into shadow.



Thoughts turn to you.

So lovely, ethereal;

soft golden hair

and alabaster skin.



God how you excite me!

Your face appears

on the rippling surface

of dark waters.



I, mesmerized

by unearthly beauty,

which only the gods

could have created.



If I asked,

would you wrap me

in gossamer silk,

and carry me with you?



I want - need

to float silently

over glowing clouds

in your loving arms.



My heart aches

with desire for you.

I have no other home

but within your heart.

Everytime I think I'm out of love

I fall back faster than before,

My mind forgets the pain you caused

But my heart is getting sore.



You made me cry a thousand times

And the pain will never go away,

It will always hurt until I die

Or you say what I want you to say.



I don't even need the three little words

I'm not asking you to love me,

I only want you to be my friend

That's what I need to make you see.



You'll never understand my pain

You don't know what it's like at all,

You don't see what I go through

Every time I stand up I always fall.



I've told myself that it's a dream

And not all dreams come true,

But every time I see your face

I can't stop loving you.

I have in my hands two boxes

Which God gave me to hold.

He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black,

And all your joys in the gold."



I heeded his words, and in the two boxes

Both my joys and sorrows I store.

But though the gold became heavier each day

The black was as light as before.



With curiosity, I opened the black.

I wanted to find out why.

And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole

Which my sorrows had fallen out by.



I showed the hole to God, and mused aloud,

"I wonder where my sorrows could be."

He smiled a gentle smile at me.

"My child, they're all here with me."



I asked, "God, why give me the boxes,"

"Why the gold, and the black with the hole?"

"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,

The black is for you to let go."

I never carved your name in stone

Or chipped initials in the bark

Of oaks to show the world I care

I prove my love by being there

When tears of sadness fill your eyes

When others cast harsh words like stones

That sting and cut though they're untrue

I'm there to catch those stones for you



When people turn their backs and hide

When deaf ears meet your cries for help

For someone who can understand

I'm there to lend a helping hand



When all the world becomes too much

When everything is going wrong

And darkness spirals down to night

I'm there to guide you back to light



I never carved your name in stone

Or chipped initials in the bark

But if you took my chest apart

Your name is there I cross my heart

I never thought I could feel this way

A bond so strong that it pulls me so

I never thought I could feel this way

Please hold me close before I drift away

You are my life my love my world my galaxy

In this world we wander alone

Until we find the one we are meant for

I have been wandering aimlessly

Until I stumbled upon a great someone

In just a day I've fallen in love

This feeling I get when I hear his voice

It is so surreal

I long to hear from him

I long to touch him

Everything about him is incredible

I never want this feeling to end

I never thought I could feel this way again

But have it be more natural

And not so forced

I love him with all my being

All my heart and soul

I talk to this stranger and feel at ease

With God as my witness

I believe I have found my soul mate





I love you Billy

I sit here and wait

As the sun is devoured by night

It suddenly goes cold

And the moon brightens the night sky

The faint howls of the wolves

The wind feels like a kiss from cold lips

A tear falls slowly down my cheek

A warm salty droplet hits my dry lips

The wind gently caresses my face

Chilling the wetness of the tears

The rolling thunder hits my ears

And the bright flash of lightening hits the waters

Minutes pass

Hours pass

And yet I sit here alone

On this abandoned bench

Wondering where I have gone wrong

Wondering how I can help myself be better

Tears are now streaming down my cheeks

As I collapse to the ground

I cannot sit here alone anymore

I cannot wait any longer

I have waited and waited

But I have waisted my time

I was stood up once again

Nothing new

But when will this pain ever end?

When will I find someone

Who will love me for who I am

And what I do

And will not leave me helpless in the dark

Every word I speak

Every step I take

Every dream I've dreamt

Every breath I take

Every day that passes

Every thought that passes

Everything I do reminds me of him

But this is of an older friend

An old lover that I cannot seem to forget

Only God knows why I am stuck on him

His picture still remains in my grasp

As I look back on old memories

Torturing myself with every memory

His lips softly caressing my skin

His warm hands holding me close

His caring words seeping into my brain

All was going to plan

But then he up and disappeared

Where did he run to

No one knows

I look at the ground and cry bloody tears

He had shed his skin and became anew

I walk these empty halls of pain and misery

Hoping to catch a glimpse of him one last time

A stranger walks passed in a long stride

A familiar scent fills my nose

Looking around I find him nowhere in sight

This stranger pauses a brief second at my side

He says not a word but picks up his stride once again

Just a brief touch on the shoulder brought back my memories

It was my long lost lover in a new body

His scent has and will never fade from my memory

I turn around and watch him walk away

I know it is him

But he looks nothing of the same

Days go by and I think of what happened

I see him once or twice

But he no longer acknowledges me

Why is it when you love someone the most

They change everything to avoid you

They avoid your gaze

They avoid your presence

This man here standing next to me

Who is he

He is not a previous lover of mine

No

He is someone new

Though not in the good way

His face shows no emotion or concern

Only sarcasm escapes his lips

What has caused this traumatic change

Was it my fault

Is it me to blame

I do not know anymore

Because this new person

This ex lover of mine

Does not know my name or even know I exist

So why do I die inside whenever I see him

Seeing him like this hurts so much

I miss the man I came to love

I miss his touch and kiss and embrace

What can I do to feel that once again

At this point

I do not think there is anything I can do

He has changed too much for me to get near him anymore

What love I have left for him

Is not of what stands next to me now

It is the person that he used to be

What can I do to get him back

That is a question only God can answer

Only God can show me the correct path now

For my promised one left me to burn in the depths of hell

Along with my burning love for him

No one can love him like I do

It isn't humanly possible

But life goes on you see

And things change

Which causes people to change

Some for the worst

And some for the better

Which way you go is up to you

Just think of your friends and loved ones first

I sing a song

That's way too long



And lives forever blurry

Full of passion and furry



When will one know

How to truly show



Their true emotions

Not skip stones in the ocean



Stand in the sand

Your fall shall truly be grand



In the depths

You lose your step



Laying in the sun

You think you've won



Cowering in the dark

You see the spark



How it is to be

You will never see



That longing smell

I will no longer dwell



You see our star

And you fall apart



Now you finally see

That you were meant for me



Wont it be grand?

You will finally stand



In my heart

Is where you'll start



A long life ahead

And but I have nothing to dread



You will stand by me

And set me free



You will hold my hand

I will never again feel bland



You will kiss my cheek

And my knees will go weak



You will hug me in moonlight

And I wish to keep this night



Thank you so much

For you are no longer my crutch



Good luck to you

And all that you do



You are a great friend

And not just pretend



Do not forget that I love you

And all that we have been through

I felt the symptoms starting

There was nothing I could do

Other than up my dosage

Instead of one, ingesting two



That didn't seem to matter

I felt the rage beginning to mount

The irritating aura surrounding me

My control I must take into account



Raged and manically inhabited

Trying feverishly to maintain control

I lost it as fast as I wished it

Anger completely solely on patrol



Crying isn't going to help me

Nor are my silent pleas out of mouth

Severe repercussions of my actions

Regret and sorrow leading me south



As far south as my feet can take me

Escaping this cruel mental shame

Leading me to another side of darkness

A place where no one will remember my name

You left me here on my own

I'm worn and sad, dark and alone

I feel so used careless and mad

This love we never shared or had

The pain pulls me apart inside

I can't hold on, I can't survive

I wasted time and lust for you

These waves of sorrow have broken through

I'll try to hold on for one last night

Be brave, be strong, and set things right

Don't ever leave me, I can't take the pain

The sorrow inside would drive me insane

And as I think your smile just fades

It makes me wanna lie here in darkness not lifting the shades

I'll stay awake forever, not wanting to sleep

But wanting my heart darker and deep

I see the fear in all the people's faces

But I take in that fear and fill in those spaces

These nights grow long

This pain does not belong

I fought so hard

But you and I don't connect

So take my regards

Forgive my disrespect

I never saw you leading me on

But now it's over and it's all gone

Leave me here

I don't want anymore

I feel this pain

Leaving it's mark

I cry these tears

I don't want you anymore

I watch the rain

While wishing you would leave me here

In the dark

She lies alone.

The quiet is all too deafening. It's all there is.

To one side of her the phone. Talk.

To the other. The computer, chat.

Neither is comforting.



"It doesn't matter" she thinks.

Nothing matters.

Nothing ever will.



Near her, all around her, is the faint scent of despair.

She looks for something to hold onto.

There's nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing except the silence, the quiet.



"I should get up." she thinks.

"What's the point?" is what follows.

Her hands tremble.

She wants to cry, but she can't.

It's almost as if she's immune to the situation.



"Stiff upper lip," she thinks "Stiff upper lip"

It doesn't help

Nothing seems to help.



She searches for something more to hold onto. Anything.

All she finds are her thoughts.

They're no help.

All they seem to do is betray her.

As if someone has opened the floodgates,

Millions of gallons of thoughts come rushing into her mind.

She struggles to stay afloat.

She looks for her planking, something to help her stay afloat.



Dreams.

She finds dreams, and holds on to them.

She won't let go. She won't ever let go.



She lies alone.

The quiet is all to deafening. It's all there is.

To one side of her the phone. Talk.

To the other. The computer, chat.

Neither is comforting…

The night was falling

And the stars are showing up

My heart is still weak and cold

I try to defeated with the shadow

But I can't

Is this the only way I can find my true love?

Sitting here all alone

Watching the stars

Hoping for the sign

The night was falling slowly

And the stars are show up

And my cold heart still searching for something

My lonely soul is lost in the darkness

Try to find the way home

My fallen angel is lost in my embrace forever

I see you in my dreams, dark angel

My love is belong only in your dreams

There is nothing to do with it

I am just shadow

Who is always hidden from the light

My cold heart still try to find something

All this years I cannot find my way home

After all this years I only see painful nothing else

My cold heart is lost in the shadows, again

This tears I cry they are forgotten forever

I will never find someone like you

I miss you so bad

I miss your touch

Where are you, my love?

I wish you were here with me tonight

To share with me love

I want to feel you love, again

Please, take me away with you

To the heaven

I want to be with you forever

Hold me

The night was falling slowly

And the stars are show up

Here I am

Sitting here all alone

Waiting for something

I lay down here

Waiting to death comes for me

And then I can find my peace in my heart

And go with you to the heaven

My cold heart is still inside me

I cannot defeat the cold

Who is always follow my dreams and my good heart

So, my love

Bring me to live

Moon is slowly wake me up

And then in my dreams I feel your cold touch

So sweet

So cold

So tender

I am yours

Now and forever

Wretched she is to the bitter core of her being,

Through life she wanders asleep, but yet awake.

Purged of all that use to be,

Sleep is her salvation.

Nightmares they rule her,

Bloodstained tears stream down her cheeks.

The darkness had left her drowning,

crawling and,

Weeping, amongst those who have fallen,

She is now a soul smear

I am drained

and should be full,

of all my energy

no strength to pull.

I lie here

but can not stand,

not even strength

to lift my hand.

Slowly closing

my eyes feel weak,

cant even get

my lips to speak.

My body tired

i'm shutting down,

please everyone

gather round.

To see your faces

and say goodbye,

to each of you

i will try.

When my farewells

are complete,

you will know my soul

has left to meet.

A higher power

the man upstairs,

so dont let me see

those sorrow tears.

Be happy that

at peace i'll be,

in a beautiful world

of serenity.

Always remember

i'm in a better state,

so dont mourn my loss

just celebrate......My Life

Why do I even try?

When you don't give a shit

Why do I even care?

When you don't have any respect

Life means nothing

If you have nothing

Life needs meaning

Which I have lost

Everyday I look in the mirror

And I gag at what I see

What did you even see in me?

Or did you just pity this poor girl?

Everyday I try harder

Every minute I try to forget

Every second I try to move on

Why isnt it working?!

I cannot do this anymore

I cannot go on like this

Why the fuck do I even try?

When you don't even give a shit

This hideous girl

This gagorific creature

What the hell is it?

Oh yeah, that's me

Why do I try?

When I have nothing

Why do I long for you

When I know you will never come back?

Why am I even here anymore?

I thought I was done

I thought I was past this stage

And moved onto better things

Everyday and night I think of you

And cry until I get sick

How did things end up this way?

I'm so fucking stupid!

Why even try to be your friend?

When you just ignore my words

You push them aside

And pretend I'm not there

Why can't I be like you?!

Just forget me and move on

How can you do that?

Am I just a lost picture in your photo album?

How can you move on?

So quickly in time?

So that you have no pain

No hurt to live with?

Are you really over me?

Have I pushed you that far away?

Is there really no other chances?

Have I really blown them all?

What have I done...

I've ruined my life....

I've ruined the only good thing....

That I have always been looking for....

I fell in love with you....

You meant everything to me....

You still do....

But I failed you....

I pushed you away...

WHY AM I STUPID?!?!

Why couldn't I see that?...

I was drowning in the lake of distress..

It has gotten to the point

Where I do not want

To be alive anymore

Or even see my own face

I am such a digrace

To you and everyone

Even myself

And to God

Why is this so hard?

Please just tell me!

I desperately need to know!

What I need to do

What am I living for?

What is coming for me?

Please God,

Let it be my demons

Let them devour me

And take me to the vast abyss

That no one will ever find

So I will hurt no longer

I do not want to see anyone

I do not want to hurt anyone

I do not want to be touched

I do not want to be looked at

Let it end

Let it fade away

Let me do everyone a favor

And leave this world

Maybe someone one day

Will take my place

But be a better person

And have the life

I have always dreamt of

With my run away lover

Who shall never return

Or even look back

I guess I deserve this

Please my beautiful demons

Take me away

Just do me and everyone this favor





Goodbye

[[This is a long poem..btw]]





This feeling I have

Is nothing out of the ordinary

It is so comforting

And yet so hurtful



To feel you there

To know you are here

To protect me from the evil doers

To keep me out of harms way



How is it that I

Is so lucky to have you?

Not a day goes by

That I stop to think about you



You brighten my thoughts

Yet darken my mood

How can it be both?

Because I love you



You mean the world to me

You make me feel whole

You make me feel complete

You make me reach for the skies



How is it that someone like you

Can make me feel so wonderful?

Yet you cannot be mine?

So similar to my dreams?



Why is it that you are so close

Yet so far from my grasp?

Why is it that I can love all of you

But you cannot even like me?



Every touch

Every glance

Every word

Every thought



Everything about you makes me smile

The memories we share

My dreams that will never come true

Or the goals we shared



It is all up to me now

You have left me behind

To take care of myself

And to defend off the demons inside



Do not look at me

For I have been broken

And forever shattered

Like a broken vase on the floor



Forever broken I shall be

For me love has abandoned me

Take this key that I give you now

And protect it for all eternity



I give you what is left

Of this dear old heart

Treat it with loving care

And never let it go



I just wish to be held

Like you did back then

I long to be kissed

Like we did in the rain that day



How is it that you cannot see

What you truly did to me

How broken I lay on the floor

How my untamed beast came out of its cage



Today I stand here

All shattered and hurt

Covered in bruises and scars

Just a bloody pulp I have become



I stand here now

Looking in the mirror

Staring at myself

And wonder how I became so stupid



The slap of reality

Hurts so incredibly bad

How could I not see it before?

When you tried to tell me so many times?



This was not meant to be

You and me

We loved each other once

And that is all it is



I still love you

Do not get me wrong

I will always love you

But you will never love me



I get that now

Of all times I get it

You want a better life

One that I could not give you



I truly love you

And always will

I want to help you

And to be included



I understand you want something new

I truly do

Because I want the same thing

I want new love



I want to be free

And to do as I please

I want to move on

And forget about the hurt



Why could I not see before

What you were telling me?

I must move on

And forget about us



Never again you tell me

But yet I hold on

I cannot help it

I truly still love you



All in all

I truly understand

You do not love me

Yet I love you



You will never love me

Yet I will forever love you

I hope to be friends

For I truly care



Please just forgive me

For I have lost your respect

I did not mean to be childish

Or disrespectful



Please just forgive me

That is all I ask

I want to be your friend again

Just please forgive me?



I do not regret the past

Yet I do not dwell on them

I just merely remember them

As I remember you



Please forgive me for this

For I still love you

I am still in love with you

That will never change



Please my friend

Hold on tight

For this roller coaster ride

Just took a slight turn in the tracks



Please just let me in

And tell me what you feel

I wish to know more

And be a better friend



I still love you

Oh Lord do I still love you

Yet I do not hold on

To what will never happen



You tell me to move on

It may sound easy

And it is easy for you

But what about me?



You broke my heart

And twisted it till it bled dry

You ripped it apart

And burned it to ashes



How can I not

Move on so quickly like you?

Becuase I still love you

And I will not let that feeling go



Please forgive me my friend

My love for you will burn forever like the mid day sun

Please forgive me

For I have broken my only promise to you



I want you to know

Just this one little thing

I may break when I am near you

And will fall to see you love another



I do understand now

What you meant all this time

Do not ever think for one minute

That I have stopped loving you



But I want to say this

While I have the courage

And will power to say it

I will proudly say:



I understand now

You do not love me

You will never love me the same again

I am over it



Though I will still cry

You mean the world to me

You are my stars and moon

You are my galaxy



But now I know

How you feel

Because I realize now

That I am over you