The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I don't understand why I don't feel better about breaking up with him. I feel horrible. Far worst then any other break up, even to my first love. I feel so bad. I can't stop crying and feel so empty.





Everyone keeps telling me I did the right thing. But I don't feel like I did. I did it so fast, I decided without even discussing it with him. Then when I saw him yesterday to give him his stuff I just couldn't say anything to him. I wanted to so bad but I didn't want to hurt my pride.



I just feel like I did something wrong. I think about what I was doing and didn't judge how'd it'd leave me.



I don't know if I want to be with him, or what I just blahhh.



gay gay gay.

I ended it.





I feel like shit but I think it's best.





ughh damn these emotions.







I found out the visit to the dostor that I have to go to to do the whole looking at the abnormal cells I got going on is gonna be like 7oo bucks. And I don't have insurance.





this really blows. I know I need go but this will cut into my trip to the new orleans fund.





new orleans or cancer.



i know it's sick but I'm having a hard time deciding on the choice.





today blah, school. break up. cry fest. pain. bad news.



:[

COMMENTS

-

---

Flannery
13:20 Jun 25 2008

Your life is more important than the VR meeting. There will be other ones to go to. You need these tests, especially if you are genetically predisposed towards ovarian cancer.

---

POST COMMENT

I ended it.





I feel like shit but I think it's best.





ughh damn these emotions.







I found out the visit to the dostor that I have to go to to do the whole looking at the abnormal cells I got going on is gonna be like 7oo bucks. And I don't have insurance.





this really blows. I know I need go but this will cut into my trip to the new orleans fund.





new orleans or cancer.



i know it's sick but I'm having a hard time deciding on the choice.





today blah, school. break up. cry fest. pain. bad news.



:[

Not in that sense, but in a situation sense.





So yesterday I got a call that Randy had a warrant on him and the police were looking for him. Sum it up he didn't go to jail but if he doesn't move back to that county ,he will and he has no where to live there.



I love him and I care about him. But I really don't want to be involved in that kind of life anymore, the jail/the police/the worrying about jail. I had enough of that growing up I hoped he was changing and I know he can't help it, well he shouldn't of done the crime. But argh. I don't know. damn damn damn.





oh and on top of all this I might have ovarian or crotch cancer, My doctor says I have cells that are reproducing to quickly or something and I need to see a specialist to test me and stuff. haha. Not a funny subject but I choose to laugh at it. Ughhh. Most the women on my dad's side have cancer. My sister had ovarian cancer.

I feel like shit. I look like shit.





my eyes are all puff, and hurt. My head feels like it might just explode.



my body hurts from sleeping on the floor.



I'm tired because I could not fall asleep.











i'm pretty low.



good thing I have this 32oz fountain drink.

Randy had an interview. Woo. At walmart. But it's kinda far away which kinda sucks for me. Gas isn't cheap so I don't know how much good it will do. But it's something. Hopefully things will get better once he starts working.





I remembered why living with my sister sucked. She's crazy. Everyday there is a new reason to get cussed out. More complaining about how she doesn't have money, though she buys a new animal everyweek. $4oo dollar dog, $25 lizard, $10 bird. Seriously our house is a zoo. We now have Five dogs. Lizard. bird. my hamster. eight cats. And she bitches about money. She blows it and then excepts me to shit out money to pay her cell phone bill. She doesn't take care of these dogs she makes us or her son clean up after them. Ugh.



bad idea. *kicks past self*



I'm going to start looking for a place soon. Probably after Fall Semester starts.



oh I survived the scary doctor. Woo. most awkward moment of my life.

to dance dance dancee.



not really, but I did feel like typing that.



I' m so bored.

COMMENTS

-

---

Bones
21:15 Jun 10 2008

May I have this dance? ;)

---

POST COMMENT

I live is the boondocks. Seriously. Cows. Farms. 2omins from any store. Bum fuck.



nothing ever happens. But last night some douche tried to steal my sisters car. And it has to be one of our neighbors because they ran toward our back yard toward the woods.



they were stupid in the choosing of which car to jack. But I'm not complaining. My car runs better then there's but it's just a '89 model so he went for the newer looking car that breaks down every month. Mine also had my wallet sitting in the seat. ahhh.



scary.

it says no new journal entries on my fave journals.



lies.



liar vr liarrr.





tonight i'm staying at kim's. I haven't spent the night.



first night in two months.



...



i feel pretty miserable now in this relationship. I get a big ass A for effort. I care about him a lot. But he won't/cant find a job partly because he sits at home playing games all day and making excuses, get's pissy attitudes with me all the time and ughh. Living with someone is so different and so much harder. I want us to work, but if things don't change, I'm getting out.





I got my hidden mickey tattoo!



and my work now has internet so i'll be on more. yay