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I hate back space buttons.



I had written other things but they got delted so I'll just finish at the end and you can wonder what went into oblivion.



I love Demetri Martin. he is so fucking funny. If you dont know him, find him. AMAZING.



Advance persons.

I feel so alone. Honestly, today I felt so empty. I was around thousands of people, but I was somewhere else.





I'm in one those moods. I really needed to see or talk to just someone who cared. And no onewas there.



I had to take Coda to a birthday party at a skating rink, which was horrible. I like skating but I hate the thousands of annoying children.and thousands of Ugly adults. Too many people for me and too much BAD music. Ugh.



Thank the gods for my music player.



I almoat got my first tattoo. We went to a shop and I told the guy what I wanted and he didnt understand what I wanted, because I didnt have a

picture, and told me he couldnt do it. I saw this cute snow white zombie but I just left.



Wasn't about to put something on my bpdy forever without thinking about it.



sigh.

Everyone who knows me knows Rammstein is my number one band.



But My second band, Home grown band. A band I started listening to when I was eight. The Smashing Pumpkins. They've put me to sleep countless times, I listen to them just about everyday.



There new cd is done, and says "coming soon".



Billy sent this email that was so beautiful, My bitch ass cried because of how happy It made me. They start their tour soon.





:D



This year is looking good so far.

Very horrible. I was actually shocked by how it kept getting worse.



I woke up with a headache, because I couldn't sleep all night and I was already tired before i went to "sleep". Too tired to put effort in dressing so I went to school looking like a hobo. Running lat eto school somehow ( time sped up on purpose). All the decent parking stops that are usuallly empty because of how early it is, were all taken. Which made have to park in th e"no whereland" Parking lot. and Walk all across campus with a bag of full of text books and a huge as drawing board in the freezing cold. Get to health class and see that my drawing, is ripped. I was on the verge of hair pulling. Then in Art Appreciation the tecaher is so crazy that he's like "If you erase or scratch out a answer I consider you cheating, so keep up" Then he runs through the slides, so I know a few were wrong because I couldnt go back and fix them. So now because my ripped drawing I'm way behind and had to start over.



I finally made it home. And took pain meds.

:]

I thought taking Psyc. would enlighten me and help me understand these crazy fucking people I'm around. But the more I listen, the more I want to take therapy. I really leave that class sadder then when I came in.



Sigh. Crazy.



I wish I could just dream. Everythings feels good there.



My Show finally came back today.







Probably the best show ever.





My computer is being extremely slow. gayeh.



blah.







He is very sexy, I love his voice.

My cute little hound dog puppy with her big eyes and adorable look...



farts too much.



It's disgusting.



Ruining her whole "cuteness" thing.



Wonder if you can give a dog petobismol.

I finally got to see The Illusionist. It was really good, and cute. Edward Norton is adorable, he's not beautiful, but he has the rough handsom look.



I think I'm allergic to everything, well not doctor wise but I get headaches and have been feeling sick a lot lately. Maybe it's stress or lack of sleep or maybe I have a disease. Eh.



I went "job searching", I hate talking to people. They always give me these looks, like I have two heads or something. My sister doesn't want me to get a job, because she needs a babysitter on the weekends til 4 and she's thinks I'll fall behind on school. But she bitches when I need gas money to go to school and tells me I dont do anything. I have this feeling now, since I'm not working that I'm inadequate, I don't wanna be a free loader. I don't want people to ask where I work and I go "uh.." and then they give you those looks of " Your 18 and you don't have a job?"



Did Our first big drawing in art, of a hallway in another building. We were given these gaint wooden drawing boards. Which are cool but are a bitch to carry around across campus along with a T-square ruler and a gaint bag of books. I'm gonna be buff. lol jk.We have to start my master copies soon, I think my first one might be Da Vinci's Women sketch because it's odd.

Ugh I feel like I've been run over.I really felt like I was going to hurl on my Pysc. teacher today. Gah.



So My sister's girlfriend started her new job today. Already I see trouble ahead. They want to pretend their a married couple, which is fine by me. But she got a new job so she could see Amanda more, understandable. But, the catch is she works in the day time. Whcih means when Coda is out of school for holidays, who will watch him in the day time? Why of course, Danielle will. She lives with us, that's her job, has been since he's been born. When everyone else finds a way out of it, Danielle will have to do it.



When Amanda was on drugs and running the street and my mother had to go to work. Danielle had to watch him.When Amanda went to jail, I had to watch him in the day time. Every summer for the past seven years I have to watch him. When my mom left us after my father died, I took care of him. Last summer I got a one month of not watching him, but I also had to sit at home and wait until Amanda got off work before I could go anywhere.



I'm not doing it. I feel I have every right to say no, fuck you. I didn't get pregnet, why is it me having to play mother? Amanda has had her hand held since he's been born, yeah now she finally takes care of him by feeding him and stuff. But when it comes to this, she views me as a fall back.



I kept wondering why they begged me not to move out. My mom kept telling me I shouldn't. Yeah its easy staying at home, not having to pay bills. But I want a job, I have been for awhile. I couldn't becasue I was a taxi, but now I can. Even with this fucked up school scehdule, I'm getting one. And i'm getting boxes. And when they try to throw him off on me. I'm going to pack my shit and leave. I'll live in my car if I have to. I'm sick of being used.



"We never get to see each other." You live with each other, I wish I could see my Boyfriend everyday, but I can't. I'd be happy with just being able to sleep in the same bed with my boyfriend everynight. Boo hoo, you can't lay around with each other, and be annoying. If your "in love" then any moment should be good enough.



Good news, i got a puupy. But if I have to move i'll have to give her away. :[



I'm sick of having be stress out over the future.

I hate people who pass on the road. Especially when I'm going the speed limit. It happens all the time around here. The other night we were almost home at this asshole was rideing our ass. Then he turns on these fucking spot lights on, so we figure he must be in a hurry to go shit or something, so we slow down. Well this just pisses him off more, he rides next to us, and this toothless baldy hangs out and shoots us a bird. Then he pulls in front of us and slams on his brakes in the road, and two guys get out of the truck. So we go around them (being that we are all girls an dCoda is scared) they yell and throw there hands up. We pull into our drive way which isn't that far from where this all happened and they stop infront of our driveway. This is where my sister goes running toward them takeing off her jacket like she's about to fight and they ride off.



See? Crazy ass honkies.



I also highly dislike anyone younger then....16. We went to the movies, which seemed to be the mecca of annoying lil teenagers. They have their mommies drop them off in herds and they stand in the lobby talking on their stupid cellphones screaming at each otherand just being annoying little fucks.... and they should really just be deleted.



Then they come into my movie, screaming and through out the movie clap and scream "oh yeah".



wtf? There should be a maturity level to enter a public place these days, or muzzles.



But the movie was good, I saw Night at the Museum with Ben Stiller.

I found my snow white movie in the attic. very cool.



I got my car. Its really cool. it reminds me of an old man's car so I named it George.



Classes weren't so bad today.



Drawing was cool. WAe had to do these one and two point viewing drawings of 3d boxes so it wasn't insanly interesting but it wasn't that horrible.



I got to use my puddy eraser. That's entertainment.



Next week we get to draw hall ways. Woo!



I had this horrible feeling in class before it started. What if i take this class and do really bad? I find out I can't draw and my whole life becomes meaningless and I loose all my dreams of working with Disney.What if all my previous art eacahers were just lying to me about my artwork, to make me feel better. What if thi teacher says" my god Ms. Strickland this is horrible." and then laughs.



I might just die if this happens.

Its reallly Cold. I feel like ice is hitting me.





So Ive been to all my classes. Tuesdays and Thursday are going to be hell. And I'm going to be so busy with all the workload. Between all the quizes in health, Psyc, Enlish, and Art Apreciation plus five papers one beng a research paper, health project, 12 drawings, Art project with midterms in all and exams,and a shit load of reading.



My mind might just explode.



I'm getting a car today. Hopefully a better one to the other three. Wow that sounds bad. We really dont have money, my Mom just has ways in getting cars at a good prices...they just dont seem to last with all the driving I do. Bad thing about living in the country, we have have no buses. So if you have no car, you better either have loving friends or the ability to walk 20 miles to a store. You'll starve or be homeless with out one...well if you were homeless it wouldn't really matter..



anyway.



I found out shitty news. Try outs for Alice in Wonderland didnt need a song. Muther fuckers. With all my classes I really had no time for it. But theres this little sadness in me that was let down at the news of maybe being able to do it.



Sigh. Life drags on.

I found a flaw in my classes.



On tuesdays and thursdays i have classes back to back from 9:30 to 4:45. With only 15 min breaks between each. So i'll have no lunch break or relax break. lol woo fun





i must of been on crack when I signed up for classes.

Crazy storms today.Tornados warnings everywhere, I hate weather. Crazy.



Got to hang out with Marina today. Then we met up wth Kennars, Haylee, and Ben and we stopped by walmart to get school stuffs.



Listend to a really funny/odd band called Plastic Clap.



Danced at Chick-fil-a.



I want a great dane, Mina has one, and it's probably the best dog breed ever besides pugs. I've wanted pug for ages, ever since I saw Chris Kirppatrick's pug from Nysync. So cute, and great danes are like mini horses.



Blah.



why do people take the first letter of a town and then add "ville" on it. It's really annoying, for example " i'm going to G-ville today, and might stop by B-ville later. Wanna go to A-ville with me the weekend?"





dumb kids.

Its 6:35 am.





I woke up a 1:30 am.



I watched the little mermaid and Mr. & mrs. Smith.



and the news.



New congress looks promising. And torandos are heading this way. And poor cows died in the crazy snow. Next week Lord of all retarded is going to give us his "new plans" on Iraq. Exciting.



sigh.





The enddd.

I feel sick. I have had about four hours of sleep. Ima sleep zombie.



Bought books today 187 for three books, two of them used. Stupid, I only got back 40 bucks last semester for two books one was brand new never even used.



Does not make sense.



I think Im going to go to The Cradle of Filth show next month. I like some of their songs, and I heardthey are really good in concert. Plus, I like their style. The challenge of "how many spikes can I put in one outfit?"





I need a car, a job, and some adventure.

I really dislike cats. My sister's girlfriend got two for christmas. Yep, two. Two "meow"-ing, smelly, clawing, arrogant whiny cats. Gross.



So they hung that crazy hairy guy last friday, and somebody recorded it on their cell phone. Does not surprise me one bit.



I got asked by my sister's Boss, who is our friend, if I wanted to go to a strip club with him tomorrow. I've never been, but if i did go to a strip club it'd be a male one. I don't want boobs in my face or crotches. That'd be too weird. Plus, I don't think Russell would like the thought of me going with him there. I wish I was old enough for Chip' n Dales. Ah ha.



I watched some of the anime Helsing. It's pretty awesome, and the music is bad ass.



I need to get a memory card and cord thingy for this camera I got for the x-mas. But I still want a better camera, so I can take pretty pictures of spiffy things.



I'm sick of people asking about my mom and her engagement. " I heard your moms getting married. you excited?" Oh, yeah I'm all jiggly wiggley with it. I glad she's happy, honest. But she's sick, and getting worst. Excuse me if I come off selfish for wanting her around.



I miss the 9o's. The music is so good back then. The cranberries, marcy playground, silverchair,Smashing Pumpkins, no doubt, orgy, rob zombie, saves the day, garbage, tool..etc. Music pre-2000 was made to be something, not to make a cheap buck.



*lights a lighter*

My wonderful break from school is almost over, which sucks big time. I love school, which is odd. But it is just another thing to stress over when it starts. Eh. This semester I'm taking 18 hours, thats 6 hours then required to be full time. Why? I have no idea. I think I just want to stay at school so I dont have to go home. But I am planing on finding a job so this will be a crazy semester.



On top of that I wanna try out for Alice in Wonderland. Which I found out two days ago auditions are next week. Lame. I have to have a 30sec to a min comedy monologe and a pre-197o's too. I can't find anything good. I'm afraid ill be stuck with Fiddler on the roof. We also have to dance, which will be the fun part.



eeek.



On other news, I'm almost done with Kingdom Hearst 2. wooo.

So now it's 2oo7. Great, Woo. Fabulous.



So I tried this whole drinking thing. Yes, Lastnight was the second time of me being drunk. I stll dont see why it's fun. I just felt like I was in a hamster ball. Hmm. But from what I hear I got pretty crazy.



I realized, as Me, Russ, Kenna, Haylee, Ben, My sis and jen were counting down to the new year.



I dont really care about a new year. Yep, I had this deep thought of what a big deal everyone makes out of it, while I was drunk. I dunno, it just don't understand, Woo another year. Amazing.



but it was a good excuse to jingling.



Saturday I went to Mal's and hung out. Traded x-mas presnts. I got Rocky horror, Stock treatment, and Amelie. A shirt, and some other stuff. Pretty cool. I ended up staying at Mal's which led me to having to go to church with them.



I hate it I swear. They did that whole guilt thing of not going with them that made me uncomfortable. I don't underatnd why her parent's wont accept that I will never be apart of their religion. So I went anyway, What harm could it do, They dont burn witches anymore. lol. But it was horrible, and reminded me of how good it was to not be apart of that stuff. Ugh I wanted to wash myself after I left. but I did get to draw, and make funny jokes in my head.





So in my anti-new year mood. I did make a list of things I want to change or do.



1. Work out. (lol) Im serious....lol

2. Read more.

3. learn to meditate with out being distarcted.

4. meet other Pagans and learn.

5. Try to be nicer to the Christians, until they insult you or start preaching to you, then let all "hell" break loose.

6. Find a job.

7. save moola.

8. MOVE OUT.

9. Tell my mom my feelings toward her.

10. Maybe start an art school next fall?





yep.