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Well I dropped my psyc class, and I feel bad. Good side, one less class to stress about, bad side I need a psyc class, Ill have to take it next semester.



The past days have been hard. I dunno why, I know My Grams is in a better place, but I guess her death just sent me over the edge. Im sick of everything. Augusta, when I was a child was a second of happiness before being dragged back to the drugs and drama. Now it's gone, forever. We have no reason to go there, no one to see besides my Uncle who I'v enever been close too. Only plots of people we'll never see.



Being around my sister Amber made me feel better in away, I've decided to go to florida over the summer insted of school and staying here. I need a break from everything in georgia. Not my friends, just home life. While I'm down there, i'm going to look at some community colleges, if im there over year i wont have to pay out of state tuition, and i can take out some loans and get into an art school down there with animation.



I feel trapped here, stuck in same old thing. Life's too short for this pathetic llife I have. Im sick of my sister and my mom. Telling me what to do and if I don't do it when everything goes wrong its my fault.



I don't feel alive anymore, my life is doing everything for other people.

I cant sleeeepppp





ahhhhhh



ahhhhh







balllhhhhh

I wont be on rave for couple of days.



My granny passed away this morning and I have to go to Augusta tomorrow.



:/

Past few days I've been doing a lot of homework. I have two drawings due tuesday, one I have just started, and I need to be in class to finish, its this shaded ball thing, so I have to stay late monday :{. Then my master copy I've been trying really hard to get this whole realistic/shading thing down. I love drawing but shading sucks.



I still have the back ground, and her face doesn't seem right. But I think the body looks nice. Thats a good leg, its the best leg ever.







I might be having to drive myself to the Cradle of Filth show, which I didn't want to do. But the guy who was going to give Amanda her ticket disappeared. lame.



tuesday Im trying out for that Grease thing my county is trying to pull off lol.



Tonight we are going to Kim's, Im going to be the lame one with homework, but least im out of this house. Oh and she has a Wii, I might have to break for that, omfg wii!

Honestly.



Yesterday I'm walking to class, and I look at my arm, and what do I see..purple stuff. Yep a fucking bird droped a squat on my new jacket. Then today, it was pouring rain, which means I was drenched, because I keep forgetting to invest in a umbrella. I walk into my classes building and bust my ass, then almost fall agian on my way to the girl's room to dry off. Then on my way to the car, after the raining. I bust my ass on the wet grass, and get mud all over me.



I mean really, this is crazy. I'm going wear a necklace of four leaf clovers or something. gah.



But funny when I look back at it.



>:/

*dances*

I had to do my Waterhouse presentation, it just made me love him a little bit more. :D



Not a good day in my drawing class, I made a 14 out of 20pt possibile points. Eeek. I'll admit it wasn't that great, but the photo from what I had to draw from was blurry, which made it horrible on the face..so i winged it. lol. I like it, but Im not dishing the grades out. Why can't I just draw a bunch of cartoon thingies. Who cares about real people, they suck.



ha.



You know what I dislike, these movies, the ones where a teacher does something in a poor school, makes the kids have hope about there future etc. It was cute at first, but's it's old. Gah. Freedom writers, Coach Carter, Take the lead, etc.



Im so bored. I wish I had dsl.

I live in this little country area right, everyone knows your business stuff. Well the town where everything is at ( Wal-mart, clothing stores, etc) has this Bar and grill called Curves. I, Myself have never been there nor feltthe urge to ever go there.But I have heard (from gossip) that the waiteresses wear nothing but fancy undies. I guess as close as strip club they can get to near here, well of course the bible belt has been trying to get that place shut down for ages. Finally they got something to get them investigated, The newspaper said today that three serevers got arrested for indecent exposer. It said they where flashing body parts or something.



It's a restaurant, called Curves, hello. If you didn't want to see half naked people then dont go in. Simple. Let them do there thing, and the people tha t go there have their fun. No, you have to cause a riot and get a business shut down because there is a church down the road. Pruds.



People suck at life.



My throat hurts too, I felt sick this morning andthen I think I made it worse when I was driving home from my moms...I was playing Opera singer and my throat has hurt since then. lol.

Ive been searching for this one painting I saw on a wall at Ren fest last year.





Today I was working on my presentation and looked on the back of my print of La Belle Dame san merci, and saw a website.



A year of searching and looking...



RIGHT IN MY FACE.

So my small county in which I live , the art coucil is setting up a play with theme of Grease. I am pretty sure i'm going to audtion, what the hell.



So yesterday was mushy mushy love day. It was nice, free dinner thanks to my sis, and a fun night.



So I'm feeling kinda bad, for being kinda angry. I took some pictures for someone, and All I asked is that they credit me for taking them. And they didn't. They turned out really good to me. I was going to sign them wth my computer program, just a small thing that said my name. But I went ahead gave them to them and asked them to do it for me and they didn't. gah.



Im going to the Circus tomorrow, yay.



my fingers are frozen im getting off.

I think that's the lyric. :/



So I did my first "driving in atlanta" today, well On the interstate which is really bad in the metro but I survived. *dance* Ima women!



I dislike doctor visits a lot. Really much. The waiting room is full of old people, eh. But i did find a nice article on Burning Man that made me think, " aw Vampire rave." lol.



So I go in and wait, wait, wait. I did everything from foot dances, poping noises, rocking back and forth and singing. It took FORVER. Gah. Then He comes in makes me huff and puff with the listeny thing on me and says He doesn't really know whats wrong. I'm too young to have heart problems, but I am having heart area chest pains. and the only abnomal thing on my EKG is my pulse rate which is too fast. He says it was fast when he checked it also. So he leaves... then An older doc comes in..huff puff... then gives me these funny looks while he's asking me questions. Maybe me feel like he thought I was lying, which pissed me off. So they say well the only thing we can do is, do an ultra sound on your heart and a stress test and see if we see something.



:[



It's like because of my age the just presume it's nothing, I know what I feel. My chest feels like someone is squeezing my life away and when its not thing its jabbing pain. Only comfortI get is the some days it goes away, which dont last or when I'm alseep.



Hmmm, oh well. Doctors know best, maybe its nothing and i'm just wasting money and time.



Anyway lovey lovey gag day is tommorrow, aw. How sweet. I totally hit target up. I got the usually candy and card crap, but then I found really neat stuff which surprised me they were selling at target. This candy checker game that has some pretty riskeh stuff on it, and this like chocolate paint and stencils. Ahahaa. Target is the best.



Happy Love day guys.

I find a little joy in blowing my cheeks out like a puffer fish.



and thenletting it out.



makes my lips numb.





Oh yes, I'm the queen of putting off writing papers.

I got to see a doctor yesterday. She was really nice, which is a first usually my doctors are just trying to get to another patients. They did an EKG ( Very umcomfortable) and took like five vials of blood. She said she doesn't really know and suggest I take some anti acid before I go to the Cardiovascular doctor to see if that could be it. Which is tuesday, eeek. I hope it's that simple, I really dont know what that acid stuff feels like so maybe thats it and I dont have to keep going back. I hate doctor's offices they smell funny.



I got home yesterday and found out my lab broke his chain again. He is really violent and bites. So this was not good. When I got him he was about two months old and he was the meanest pup I've ever had, he'd bite me when I fed him and growl at me. That's why my mom told me if I wanted to keep him I'd have too take him outside. I didn't want to take him to the pound, I knew he be killed because of his aggresiveness. So I go get him a steel chian from Home depot long enough to run around and play but strong enough to make sure he doesn't attack kids or dogs.



Well that didn't go well. Me and russell were trying to get his new chain set and he runs off to the neighbor's house, where he attacks there new puppy. We had to drag him off it before he killed it and then he attacked Russell. We finally came home but I realised he's too dangerous to keep around. We have too many small children around us and if ever got off and hurt them I'd feel horrible. I have to call the pound today.



I think target is the mecca of awesome stuff.

I've been having really painful pains in my chest. I Last week l looked it up and it's my heart, so its kinda serious being that my family has heart problems.



Yesterday it wouldnt go away, some days it goes away. But yesterday it didnt which scared me. So I called my doctor and made a appointment at 9:40 this morning which made me miss my psyc quiz.



So I rush up there (because I live an hour away) and even get there early and the lady tells me my insurence is canceled. So i call my mom and she calls the stupid people who canceled it and they say they'll get it fixed right now. It's 9:44 and I go back to the lady and she says that I cant be seen until I have insurence (doesn't look it up in her lil computer) and tells me she wont make another appointment until " it has a red flag saying it's ok". wtf.



So i've wasted my time trying to get help. Now I have to wait til friday. grrr.



Goo dthing, Billy corgan finally released the info on the new smashing pumpkin cd.



The Smashing Pumpkins

6th album

'Zeitgeist'

07.07.07



*grin*



Oh yay

I went to me first ever superbowl party lastnight.





Yeah.



I didnt watch the game thing at all, except of course when my husband Prince was on. He's so bad ass.lol.



Took crazy pictures with Mal's nasty mac (mac is wack) and stuff. good times.





Im really fucking cold. But I'd wrather be cold then hot.



I have a stalker



[17:13] wood: hi my lover !!!

[17:14] wood: you are fine bé bé??

[17:14] +Call an optimist, she's turning blue, Such a lovely color for you +: huh?

[17:14] wood: i amine

[17:14] wood: from marrakesh

[17:14] wood: you remeber me

[17:14] wood: ??

[17:14] +Call an optimist, she's turning blue, Such a lovely color for you +: oh yeah

[17:14] wood: hox are you??

[17:14] +Call an optimist, she's turning blue, Such a lovely color for you +: good.

[17:15] wood: cool





I have seriously deleted him a million fucking times and yet he still finds a way to find me.





eeek

Not that pervert.







A new camera. Yay, I feel whole again. Kidding.









Me as a russian.



Im gonna start getting my buds to model for me, I got some neat ideas.

Should I be sad? Should I be scared? Should I be happy? Should I be depressed? Should I be giggling with glee?

Oh dear. I don't think I'm ready.