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I have been sitting here for hour's surfing the web just trying to kill some time until tommorow. 12 Norco's later and everything seems so numb and distant. My mind is racing and I do not know why. I feel like I am in a consant race with my self for creativity. The reason why I have been sitting at this computer popping pills for the last couple of hours is to get out of my head. I was playing my guitar earlyer and thought that I came up with a great piece. Everything was there, timing,rythem,complexity and yet it still did not feel right. If it is not perfect I end up in a self destructive mood and want to crawl in a dark corner. I do not know why I am so hard on myself. It just feel's like there is so much that wants to come out in my music but I can not process it all and put it together at once. Sometime's I can hear my music that I have made and feel a sence of pride and perfection knowing that I may be destined for great things. I can see my self making something so unique and abstract that I feel great. But tonight is one of those night's were I am drawing a blank. I thought the pills would help to ease the preasure I have been sticking on myself to get back on my axe and start playing agin. I just can't bring myself to do it . I think I will go throw on my jacket and walk the street's of hollywood tonight. That alway's seem's to help. I like strolling by myself in the night , it helps' clear my head. Maybe then something will come to me , or maybe then I will see something that will give me some insperation again.