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Could I take another day like this? No. I can't. His image in my head and My hate for hs stupidness all put into one boy. But the boy can't move back one girl. I won't let him. I want him happy and even if it is with a girl who thinks she can run MY SHOW!! but being nice. This girl thinks that by saying hi to me and by "helping me" she is in the group? No. She still has to go through me. Everyone else cann say okay but I do matter the most. I was here first and If I leave then so will Dr.Pepper and then Eric and then Sam and then maybe even Andrew. But Whatever. No matter I shal;l be nice and stuff but I really will never like her as much as it seems. I have to be nice so then I don't get yelled at! But thats all. I must go to bed. I need it bad!!







p.s. I'm Co-Captain of my softball team!!





LoveAndHandleWithCare,,







AmberLynn;;

I am what I am and that at this moment is lonely. Yet I have to stay content. I have to act as if my life is great and my sky is never an inch gray when in all of my dreams I am yet again with guy that can never even give me a taste... a smell of how being with him would be like. When everytime I am longing to be in his prefect arms and his wounderful smell of some god. I want to be in my dreams forever becuase it's like when I'm there I'm fine and I don't want to be anyone else but me. not the mean me. not the protective me. Not the me that is trying to keep the world out. I want to be the old me. the one who thought love wasn't all they needed. The one who could really mean the word happy when it refred to herself. i want to be unbroken and never hurt. i want to be so fixed and so completly loved that it's unbarable. because I would rather take a step back and see someone loves me and I can ove them and i'm HAPPY and I know it's goi ng to be ther in the morning... the next week and the weeks and months and years after that! I want it so bad but to save the last small part of me that is still breathing corretly... I can't have it. I can't have the only hing I want. I want someone to love me the same way I love them. I want someone to see me for a prefectly unperfect girl and take all that in. and use every inh of their body to see that I don't want ot be hurt. Because I think that that is all most guys want to do to me... To hurt me knowing I can't handle one more brake. I really can't handle it anymore! I'm done with it really. i really can't take it and if I were to try it would end up with my death. So I am content with living my life lonely because when it does come down to it... I'd rather be ALIVE in PAIN instead of DEAD in the GROUND... where I really would be forgotten.









Goodnight Readers.... Remember to always keep what you can of yourself and don't change unless you NEED it.









LoveAndHandleWithCare,,

For anyone who really does read these... that may not be alot... or any but sorry for not writing!

As you would have read in my last write... I had fallen in love with a boy and him asking me to marry him made everything turn for the worst. I never said yes to him but really did want to. I now found out from my lovable girlie and to hide her name lts call her.... Dr.Pepper!! So Dr.Pepper told me about his new girl and that didn't matter to me... it was the fact that THEY ARE GETTING MARRIED!! I felt like at that moment that all of his happiness that I wished him should be snatched from him!! I never got back on my feet. Why should he marry the next girl he see's?? Did I mention that they girl looks like I did when I had longer black hair. Oh yeah. he loved that hair. Maybe if I kept that hair he would have thought and asked Dr. Pepper [[Bestie!!]] if it would hurt our relationship. Because it did!! and now this girl FUCKED OVER our friendship!! I hate him and never wanna see him again!! I want his "wife" to die and anything that might make him happy. I mean he told me to be nice if i ever hang out with them. HE WANTS THE GROUP TO HANG OUT!! I am no longer apart of it. His "wife" doesn't even like Dr.Pepper... or Eric [[Bestie]].... OR ANDREW [[Bestie!!]] I can't be around someone who doesn't even like us!! What is that?! I don't even know how she feels about me!! i hope in danger... BECAUSE SHE IS!! Imma kill her! I just hate them. I done for tonight!







Goodnight readers!!



LoveAndHandleCare,,





AmberLynn;;

I'm holding up. i wish that they made glue for Me. Like the kind of glue that holds me together while I'm out and about in the day. i can't go to school broken. Silly! Well i have a birthday to attend in the morning. My bestie Kevins!! I have to get him ballons because he said don't do it!! Imma anyways!! Just to make him smile/go grrr face on me!! It's going to be funny!!



Goodnight Readers!





LoveAndHandleWithCare,,





AmberLynn;;

I wrote down my extra criedt peom for my readers. It is my longest yet. I like this one alot!

It's all about my mommy and me!



Well not much of a weekend. Just dead slince that made me think to much. I thought about where I am and why. Why was I in the room that I was and it hit me. I was there because I still don't know where I'm going. It was a stop on the road. This is life. This is what I'm doing. I am a goodish writeer! sure I spell alot of things wrong but I am good. I like the things I write! I know what is good and what is not!

I was at my friends house. My best friend at that. Starrs'. I thought of why we were friends and it's because we get eachother. she loves me in a way that only a best friend can. And sadly when we fall alsleep at night i lay awake until my mind takes over. I thought about if I would have never entered wrestling. Then I would never want to cry knowing that my ex bestest friend Devon/ ex boyfriend is actully the only guy who could tell me he loves me and I could feel that is ture. I think about him and tears i have to fight to keep inside until I fall asleep. i can cry and scream in my dreams and have him hold me still. He asked me to marry im and I know that that is what made me feel the need to be an older Amber. i couldn't do it so I flipped hen something that was small happened. Now he wants the whole group to hang out. I wish that I wasn't apart of all that. i want to be let go. Like it's a job. and now take my memory of it and take my feelings of him with you! I don't want them! I don't want any of it! I only want to forget. It is better to have never loved at all. I want to cry but I won't. i can't!! I'm awake! So I'm going into my fariy tale and hope that I never ever wake up! I don't want to! i really don't!! I want to be sad and lonely in my dreams forever! I do want to just stay asleep but I can't. it's not possible so i am off and i'm taking what I can.



Goodnight readers!



LoveAndHandleWithCare!,,







AmberLynn;;