my parents went to north carolina (they own a booth at the international market-flea market-) and make the rounds of the hmong festivals. their van broke down (again) and so have been stuck there. ive been left in charge of their store and my brothers... so ive been there. ill be back full time when my parents get back.. when ever that will be..
(my father's decided to just buy another van since itll cost over 3k to fix the van. bah)
I am proud of myself that I didn't cry until after my sister left. I bawled..I sobbed.. I cried all over my mother... it just doesn't seem fair. I've been married for over 3 years.. and even before getting married, Dan and I discussed children. We want children.. so badly. And my sister, barely married 3 months, is pregnant. I'm happy that she is able to get pregnant, but why must I not be able to?
My mother tried to calm me by saying that my time will come.. that one day I will be able to have one, or be able to adopt (under 2 years before I can even start the adoption process). Which is fine, because I know there are a lot of children needing homes.. but 2 years seems so far away. And I won't say its the same as having my own children, because though it isn't, I plan on loving any children that come into my home as if I borne them myself. And I know Dan will too. For a long time, I wasn't sure how my mother and father would feel about us adopting (because it just doesn't happen in Hmong families). When I was to adopt my friends babies, I asked her right out. And her reply? "Stupid. How can you even think that we wouldnt love your adopted children as our grandchildren? There is NO difference." That soothed my heart and soul to no limit. Now we just have to wait.
The hardest part is that I know how desperate Dan is for kids. He's great with them, and loves them. I'm only sad that my body cannot give him one of his own.
I dunno if I want to cry or be happy...
my sister, a smoker... is late and hasn't been feeling well... so i insisted she get a test.. turns out she's pregnant.
yay, im happy for her... i smile at her, hug her and we both run to tell her hubby...
but inside.. my heart is crying.. and seeing dan's face when he heard the news.. it just makes me want to fall apart... yes, im jealous.. i want a baby to call my own.. damn body...
*sob*
Happy turkey day y'alls..
Eat tons of turkey, rolls, stuffing.. and take a nap. Live it up tomorrow.. lol
Laters!
Argh.. LOL
ive become addicted to Puzzle Pirates..
yes, me mateys.. pirates.. puzzles.. what more could i ask for? LOL
been playing.. a lot.. pirates and vampires.. what more could i ask for?
hmm.. how about something that combines the two? LOL
all right, me ships going pillaging.. argh!
** not that many people read my journal, but in case someone does... the following is the list of "avatars" i found for the ocl section for LBO.. ocl members, if you find one you like, please let me know. If after viewing them all and you would like to make your own, please let me know. Thanks!
ok, i give up waiting for a phone call..
*sigh*
its official, i didnt get the borders job
*sigh*
back to the newspapers/monster.com/careerbuilder.com
*sigh* still no word from borders.. chances of me getting the job? gone down to next to nil.. 1 in a million..
bah humbug
The day is over.. my birthday.. and yes.. I am thrilled. Too many people, too many phone calls, too much money spent.. ending with me cleaning and scrubbing a million dishes while everyone sat on their asses drinking beer and laughing it up. Oh yes, that was how I spent my birthday.
Yea.. happy birthday to me.
Happy birthday to me.. happy birthday to me.. happy birthday dear me-uh... happy birthday to me.
im outtie.. gonna go clean up the.. house- and get ready for an influx of siblings, step-siblings, etc. *sigh* why is my birthday ending up to be a horrid day of placating my MOTHER?!?!
bah humbug and happy birthday to ME
I forgot to write down what happened yesterday at the interview...
OMG.. group interviews. I hope never to do that again! At least not with a group like yesterday! There was 7 of us.. and I just about immediately hated all of em after introductions. Im serious... ok.. not really.. but still. bleh. one was a full time counselor for an "alternative high school. yea, i work with teenagers with emotional problems, so its fun." bitch.. dont talk these kids down.. grr...why does she need this job? she HAS a job.. one was a biology grad student, who sits on one of the boards at the university of minnesota. again, why do you need this job? there was a librarian.. as dan puts it.. librarians working at a bookstore.. thats insanity waiting to happen (because of the different ways things are run.) the guy who used to work at a diff bookstore i didnt mind.. the chick working at caribou coffee i didnt mind.. but the college kid.. bleh.. we were asked our favorite books.. they started mentioning books like "the great gatsby" and authors like virginia wolfe. well excuse me if i aint a literay genius, or into classics.. or trying to suck ass.. i told the general manager one of my true faves.. Eric Carle's, The Hungry Catepillar. It teaches colors, numbers, and different types of food. So what if it is a kids book... the Great gatsby made me fall asleep.. bah!
so anyways.. if it was up to me, if i had to hire ONE person out of the 7 there, i would have to hire the guy who used to work at a bookstore, just because of experience.
but im still holding out.. please.. i just want a job nows.. any will do.. will work for mortgage money? LOL
Yea, so its my birthday. In RL its a semi-big deal.. my family is getting together at our house for dinner and cake and company. Hmong birthdays.. where my sister wants Hmong salads (though its MY birthday), where i cant pick out my own cake... BUT... i was given two options from my mother- pho or kapoong... two southeast asian noodle favorites. Well.. except kapoong isnt a favorite of mine. So I put my foot down.. PHO PHO PHO.. thats my favorite... if i dont get it, i dont want you guys making me stinking dinner. Id be happier with mac n cheese, thank you very much. LOL.. so my mothers making pho. yay! (its my birthday, ill be a brat if i want to LOL)
But dont get me wrong, I appreciate all the well wishes from people on here. I just didnt want to make a big deal about it. I mean, its the 28th one.. not 21, not 25, not 30... just 28th.. LOL.. but this means... 2 years.. wooOO hoOo.. hopefully heidi and scott remember! :) Cause Im like counting down.. Mardi Gras!!
I find the funniest things rating profiles:
"Dislikes: Preppy ppl. Even adding a hint a preppy to Goth. Closed minded ppl"
My comment?
I find that funny... isnt that just a tad hypocritical?
Yea yea.. if i keep this up, im gonna make some enemies and lose my ratings.. but shit.. i just cant make myself care.. LOL
Addition:
For those of you who are wondering or are here by mere chance, I am on this site for a very specific reason. I love this site, no, I adore it w/all my heart. This site is my life, I've gone through a lot just to log onto this site. I don't even belong to that many other sites just to show my devotion. So if you're not like this, I suggest you leave b/c this isn't MySpace. It is a real mother fucking vampire site, not you're little emo site or tea party. If you're not a vamp, were, demon, or witch GO TO ANOTHER SITE. A girl on here and I are collaborating to find those of you who are devoted to ban together and get the rest off. Simple terms: stay away if you're human this is the site of your "monsters" please.
Hmm.. I don't know if I should laugh or be scared...
So I'm rating profiles.. and come across this:
Here I partake in a little pettiness, I suppose. I'm so sick to death of people talking about military men and women going overseas and purposely slaughtering innocent civillians. This offends me greatly, as I have a brother in Iraq at this very moment whose main goal is to get home safely to his wife and four children!
The old saying goes, "When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME!" Pay attention, darling ones, because my brother, not to mention my stepfather and my grandfather, have all been in wars. I do not approve of war, but it is NOT the soldier's fault he is sent there.
my comment after rating him:
dare i say.. why is your brother a soldier? did he sign up? cause i didnt know they had instilled the draft again. the comment you made may be true.. and i hope your brother returns home safely to his wife and kids.. but i do that for all of the soldiers. there IS no need for THIS war, but that is my personal opinion. BUT if someone signs up to be in the military, they know what they are signing up to do. I may not support the war or our president or his choices.. but I support our troops
grrrrrrr...
im waiting to get a 1 back.. AND a nasty note.. we see I guess..
woOoo hoOoo for escrow checks... lol
dan and i had to go my parents to do some stuff for my parents and to pick up mail.. and thank goodness we did.. an escrow check.. for $2000+. OMG, yes! We can pay the december mortgage payment.. and still gimme time to find that "job."
anyhows.. we've been promising my brothers that we'd take em to mall of america (or MOA) to their "build a bear" shop. So we did.. on the way there, my mother calls.. "blah blah blah" (where are you going? how long are you going for? have you found a job yet? yes.. im married and OLD BUT my mom still feels like she has to ask) and i go "blah blah blah" (to the mall, til we come back, and no, but i have an interview tomorrow- which was a half-truth, because i was going to go to a open job fair at the airport) then.. beep beep.. (YAY for call waiting!!) so I click over.. and guess what?? "Hello, this is Jill from the Rosedale Borders..." I'm starting to hyperventilate... "And if you are interested, I would like you to come in for an interview...Oh holy cows, would I?!?! "Yes, I would."
Sooo... 4 o clock tomorrow.. interview at Borders. YAY me.. (and I know.. its not a job offer just an interview.. but shoot.. its the best news (job wise) lately.. yay me yay me.. its my birthday.. well.. in 2 days.. so blah.
LOL..
is it me... is it because of my race? my coloring? my size? the fact that im married to a white man when im not? is it because im too old.. or too young? is it cause im an ugly POS? i know my dropping out of college has something to do with it.. but shit! high school drop outs can still get jobs (retail) why the heck cant i? i'm getting soOOo fucking discouraged... Ive applied at: borders, target, bath and body works, aldi grocery, 2 different childcare centers, 2 different airlines, savers.. going to sears and burlington coat factory today, a retail job fair at the airport tomorrow, and still looking up jobs online too. wtf.. just gimme a job nows.. minimum wage so SOME money can come in... and i cant even do that.. *sob*
im not gonna let myself feel like an idiot just cause of differences of opinion. i may not be as smart about a lot of things, but it doesnt make me stupid. i will not let others make me feel lower then i am because of the way others choose to treat me. i may be too compassionate for my own good, but compassion is good. i think i make up for those who have no compassion.
i apologize to those out that are like me. on here, that means, having the interest of vampires and all things occult... yet, in reality, im sure more are like me then not when it comes down to having any sort of powers. i have none. the sight skipped me. so i have my faith, and my interest that keep me here. the only thing i would change about VR as a whole is that those who know these things were more willing to teach or more tolerant of those like me who "just dont know shit."
i thought this was a place to learn.. where i could ask a question and have it answered... where bigotry didnt exist because of prejudices against "alternative" lifestyles... where individuals could come and be.. and not have to conform. apparently, i was wrong... i guess conformity comes in many ways, eh?
already bites.. wtf man.. woke up to Banshee gnawing on my toe.. and when i tried taking it away from him (yea a him blah,) he scratched me.. more then a scratch, he dug one of his claws as if planned, in the area right between the toenail and meat (for lack of a better word) bled.. stings like a bitch.. i get up, go clean it.. come back to bed, kick banshee off the bed. not 10 minutes later, he decides that he doesnt want the water in his water bowl.. he decides to finish dan's sprite from last night. *splash* wtf!?!? all over the nightstand. *gr* gonna kill dan.. gonna kill banshee.. grrrrrrrr
3days the cats been here... and no call from RPAW yet! we cant afford to keep the damn thing.. and the way its been acting? i dont want to.. buggering piece of poop!
And then VR.. i think i came across bitchy.. which in a way is good.. cause some people are so full of themselves. "They should google it to get the information before asking a question or else risk sounding inept." Well EXCUSE us mere mortals.. we bow down to your immense knowledge on all things vampire.. NOT.. you just sound like an overbloated horse.. yea.. get the pun? no? oh well.. go google it.
Dropped Dan off at work.. made it maybe 1/2 a mile when my I got a bloody nose.. drove one hand on the wheel, one hand clutched with tissues, pinching my nose for 3 miles to my dad's house.
What does this mean? Stress level at uber high level.
Bah humbug.. just gimme a damn job!
Objective: Find ANY DAMN job
Experience: A bunch of here and there jobs.. all self-taught crap *working with kids *working in retail *working in the food industry *quick stint as a receptionist
Education: College drop out
So, Dan and I just got back from Perkins... where we went to go meet up with Sahahria. She's a hoot. The whole 3 hours (yes, 3 hours) were spent laughing and what not.
Dan and I agree, she has the tendency to become the "church lady" from SNL. Even her facial expressions and animated hand gestures were too funny.
We enjoyed our time spent with her, and hope her only the best on the rest of her trip to Ontario. Tee Hee, we're already planning a road trip to see her and then drive over to New Englad to see family. Sounds good to me. :)
tee hee.. I got someone to listen to an opera song.. she's gonna give opera a chance.. yay for me!! :)
blah blah blah.. yea.. so..
here's whats been going on and will go on...
Gr... Dan's in love with this cat at PetSmart... dumb fat cat no one wants to adopt.. so of course Dan falls in love with him. Mustafa, the big fat cow.. why does Dan have to love animals so much.. and why do I have to so allergic? and why don't we have the money to feed em all? crap.. thats the main issue.. I deal with Eowyn, though Im allergic. I deal with Theoden.. though.. grrrr is all I have to say.
Er... dad got real sick the other night.. he told me he felt the same when he had his heart attack.. yeah.. made me feel good... he, stepmom and my brother are in tulsa on business. didnt want him to go, cause he's not feeling well, but i would have had more chance getting my hubby pregnant then talking him into staying. bah!
So... I'm picking up Dan from work.. sitting in the car, reading a book, smoking waiting for his slow ass... *bbrrrrring* "Hey come in Mary.. there's a cat that (the Humane Society-like organization) RPAW wants us to foster... I don't want to, but find myself going in.. next thing I know, we're bringing the cat home. What am I getting myself into.. watch, we're gonna have another cat now.
Hmm... Got a phone call from sahahria today.. she was in Montana.. planning on arriving to the twin cities by tonight, then off on the last leg of the trip to Ontario by morning. We're to meet for coffee. Yay, I'm excited. I had met her once in.. February at a PDX VR meet and greet.. she was the only one that showed.. and she was from Seattle- ha.. go figure (off on a tangent,oops) so I am looking forward to seeing her again.
Sigh... my birthday's this Friday... and all I want? Is a job.. one that pays at least $8 and doesn't require me to ask the proverbial "Would you like fries with that?" Please oh please.. just a job..
Bah Humbug and all that jazz..
yayness for me.. goodness I've missed my computer.. just for the fact of music.. I've missed my limewire. LOL.. oh well.. there.. I've noted that I'm back. LOL
Well, we are officially in our new house... Yippee skippee. Which means, cable internet in a few days... So I hope to be back fulltime asap. :)
Still no job... Grrr.. *shrugs*
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