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I am watching a Jackie Chan movie -- it's one from Hong Kong with really shitty NRA-member sounding men and Jenny Garth sounding women... That's not the point, just a minor annoyance I just noticed.



Does anyone else secretly... or overtly, believe deep down they can train and be Jackie Chan good? *raises my hand* I know that my fantasies are not reality, but that is because my imagination is more creative than yours. I really think that despite my current broken ankle and the extensive damage to my knees... the standard bumps and bruises that come from the occasional "whoops!", why can't I?



Of course, I realize, I have to stay away from cheeseburgers, hot dogs, tacos, enchiladas... anything that may or may not have grease... give up late nights of unaccountable time on youtube.com and sneaking a piece of brownie and convincing myself that since no one but me and the brownie know, it never happened. It is going to take discipline that may not exist anywhere but in a Tibetan Monk.



Bloody hell... time lapse of 45 minutes... I SAID I was watching a movie...

Now, see the girl in this movie is a teenager, EASY and JC (he tells me it's cool that I call him that) is easily pushing 40 or so... I thought this was a "nice Daddy-figure-protects-the-stupid-but-cute-girl-and-then-doesn't-hook-up-with-her-movie". He ain't her daddy folks..., he becomes her DADDY! Wow... misleading English over dubbing...



Still, I think I can do at least, 4 out of 1,000 things I saw in this movie. *looks for crutches to go make lunch* Fucking shit.

COMMENTS

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Angelus
16:56 Nov 06 2008

the 'new' film he's in is well cool!

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POST COMMENT

If you already know a plane is going to crash, but you have your own parachute when you get on board -- you may stand a chance. Getting on board is still stupid.



When you develop an "emotional friend" (this term exists! I looked it up online and WOW! some of you may need to check this out...) online and let them past all your normally placed defenses used in the "real world" you are playing with fire without an extinguisher.



I am doing that right now. Playing with napalm, even. I've shared some of my darkest secrets, made personal discoveries, redefined what "love" could be and completely turned my real world into an alternate universe as a result.



When "he" is around, my priorities change, not in a good or a bad way.... but in such drastic ways. I write more. I seem to be driving toward a specific goal. A goal, I really don't understand, yet. Thing is, I know for a fact we will be nothing more than binary code, pixels... maybe digital imagery with the occasional voice. Will there ever be anything more tangible than this? We both swear we will find a way -- but even I know that we're both blinking as we say that. To make it real changes the parameters of relationship. since we both have quite a bit on the line as sacrifice (for lack of a better word) the risk just doesn't seem to exceed the loss. It's saddening, but realistic.



I don't like saying I love you. Not unless I actually know you and have developed a bond. I have (on one hand) a few friends here and of those, I only love maybe three. In my real world, I tell my friends and family I love them whenever I have to say goodbye. My real life family has battled through demons with me, they have wiped my tears and held me until I stopped shaking. They have bled and cried for me.



For me, there is a huge lie in telling someone you love them unless you have either found your soulmate or battled through hell together. Anything else is lust, deep affection, old emotions with new polish... but not love. Not in the sense that lovers who'd move the world for one another means. No. Anything else is a sugar substitute.

By the way, even sugar can still turn out to be bad for you.



I'm ahead of the curve here. I already knew the directions, turns, hills, roadblocks... I still took the trip because I knew that no matter which route I took -- I was heading toward a dead end. That being said... I think I am done traveling past all that I already have. I have enough people would kill for. For me? This road trip is over. Here, RC2, take the keys and have at it on your own... I'm a writer, but don't live a life of fiction. Not anymore. And yes, I did love you. Thank you for bringing me music. Thank you for helping me past some of my obstacles. Thank you for not caring if I walk away now.