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4 entries this month
 

The love story of Ralph and Edna...

22:11 Feb 26 2009
Times Read: 793


Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.



He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.



Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.



When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.



The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'



Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'





Today is Mental Health Day!

Done my part!!!


COMMENTS

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Sinora
Sinora
23:28 Feb 26 2009

Now the scary thing is...that makes complete sense to me lmao





 

They tickled me ..

22:24 Feb 17 2009
Times Read: 809


Kids Are Quick

____________________________________



TEACHER: Jennifer, go to the map and find North America.

Jennifer: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?

CLASS: Jennifer.

____________________________________



TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

__________________________________



TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

__________________________________________



TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

_______________________________________



TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'

MILLIE: I is..

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'

MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

_________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

______________________________________



TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

______________________________



TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher


COMMENTS

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ladygoddessaries
ladygoddessaries
23:40 Feb 17 2009

*giggles*





TheeLadyHawk
TheeLadyHawk
03:34 Feb 18 2009

Hee hee.......

not sure which I like best





 

Dr. Phil's Test: Here you go.. Try this!

17:13 Feb 03 2009
Times Read: 829


I scored 40, I thought it was pretty accurate. Let me know how you got on and if you think it was accurate.



Below is Dr. Phil's test.



(Dr. Phil scored 55, he did this test on Oprah and she got a 38.) Some folks pay a lot of money to find this stuff out!

Read on, this is very interesting!





Don't be overly sensitive!







The following is pretty accurate and it

only takes a few minutes.



1. When do you feel your best ...



A) in the morning

B) during the afternoon and early evening

C) late at night





2. You usually walk...



A) fairly fast, with long steps

B) fairly fast, with little steps

C) less fast head up, looking the world in the face

D) less fast, head down

E) very slowly





3. When talking to people you...



A) stand with your arms folded

B) have your hands clasped

C) have one or both your hands on your hips

D) touch or push the person to whom you are talking

E) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair





4. When relaxing, you sit with...



A) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side

B) your legs crossed

C) your legs stretched out or straight

D) one leg curled under you



5. When something really amuses you, you react with...



A) big appreciated laugh

B) a laugh, but not a loud one

C) a quiet chuckle

D) a sheepish smile



6. When you go to a party or social gathering you...



A) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you

B) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know

C) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed





7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted, you...

A) welcome the break

B) feel extremely irritated

C) vary between these two extremes





8. Which of the following colors do you like most...



A) Red or orange

B) black

C) yellow or light blue

D) green

E) dark blue or purple

F) white

G) brown or gray



9. When you are in bed at night , in those last few moments before going to sleep you are...



A) stretched out on your back

B) stretched out face down on your stomach

C) on your side, slightly curled

D) with your head on one arm

E) with your head under the covers









10. You often dream that you are...



A) falling

B) fighting or struggling

C) searching for something or somebody

D) flying or floating

E) you usually have dreamless sleep

F) your dreams are always pleasant





POINTS:



1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6

2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1

3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e ) 6

4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1

5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2

6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2

7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4

8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1

9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e ) 1

10. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1



Now add up the total number of points.



OVER 60 POINT: Others see you as someone they should "handle with care". You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.



51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality, a natural lead er, who' s quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once, someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.



41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting, someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding, someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.



31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you, realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.



21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy.. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.



UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions and who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who know you well, know that you aren't.


COMMENTS

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SeleneTremere
SeleneTremere
17:51 Feb 03 2009

I got a 49. I don't know about that 'center of attention' thing, but I'd like to think the rest is pretty dead on.



This was interesting.





ladygoddessaries
ladygoddessaries
19:00 Feb 03 2009

Very interersting. Scored a 35 and found it quite accurate myself~





Sinora
Sinora
19:00 Feb 03 2009

Ohhh I got the same as you....but I object to being seen as sensible lol





 

DYSLEXIA ... whatever..

10:34 Feb 02 2009
Times Read: 856


It’s like a boast, ’’I HAVE DYSLEXIA’’ it would seem so many of our members here have dyslexia.. But I never knew dyslexia also numbs the senses from using a dictionary!! If you’re aware of your condition surely it would be prudent to use the bloody dictionary! Which reminds me … Did you hear about the dyslectic pimp who bought a warehouse … hehe?!!



Oh since I’m on funnies…

How does an Accountant deal with constipation?????





Works it out with a pencil :-)


COMMENTS

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TheeLadyHawk
TheeLadyHawk
12:33 Feb 02 2009

ewwwwwwwww





xAstartex
xAstartex
13:02 Feb 02 2009

Oh eww...And As for dyslexia...I know many people who have it and still are smart enough to use a dictionary and spell check. Being dyslexic does not mean you can't spell. Some of the smartest people I know are dyslexic. It is more of an excuse for poor spelling and grammar these days with people so they can get away with being lazy.





BLOODLIFE
BLOODLIFE
13:21 Feb 02 2009

I tend to agree with both of you .. lol





DireConsequences
DireConsequences
13:47 Feb 02 2009

Ouch!



And yeah, one of my teachers in my high school was dyslexic. He was amazing in his teaching methods though!



As for a dictionary, it's always a good idea for anyone to have one next to the computer. I used to have one next to my bed for the longest time!





BLOODLIFE
BLOODLIFE
14:27 Feb 02 2009

I still use a dictionary albeit not as much as I should.

The thing is it's not demeaning, in fact it's a sign of a good scholar.





Sinora
Sinora
17:20 Feb 02 2009

Ohhh did he just say the b word ? lmao








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