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stay gone
10:33 Jul 05 2005
Times Read: 609






I've found peace of mind, i'm feeling good again

I'm on the other side, back among the living

Ain't a cloud in the sky

All my tears have been cried

And i can finally say



Baby baby stay

Stay right where you are

I like it this way

It's good for my heart

I haven't felt like this

In God knows how long

I know everything's gonna be okay

If you just stay gone



I still love you and i will forever

We can't hide the truth

We know each other better

When we try to make it work

We both end up hurt

It ain't supposed to be that way



Baby baby stay

Stay right where you are

I like it this way

It's good for my heart

I haven't felt like this

In God knows how long

I know everything's gonna be okay

If you just stay gone



When we try to make it work

We both end up hurt

Love ain't supposed to be that way



So baby baby stay

Stay right where you are

I like it this way

It's good for my heart

I haven't felt like this

In ooh in God knows how long

I know everything's gonna be okay

If you just stay gone



I know everything's gonna be okay

If you just stay gone



===============================



This song is what helped me get over Cody. Most of my life I can find a song that influenced me in how I felt and how I handled the situation. Sometimes the song had nothing to do with the situation. Unlike this one, it is directly. I will always love Cody. I dont know why. I cant even answer why I am jealous over her new girlfriend. I have moved on. I have gotten over the worst of it. Who am I convincing Myself? hmm.. Anyways. This song is what helped me get out of my hole and rejoin the living. I know everything will be alright, if I stay away from her. I forget that every once and awhile. Then I hear this song and remember. I will always love her, but Im better off if she is gone.

July 5th 2005
10:32 Jul 05 2005
Times Read: 610

I am doing alright. Hmm. Honesty is the best policy right? I am sticking it out. This is sorta a bad day for me. I suppose I give it more power in my head that one it should really have, but.. its how I feel. Its been an entire year since Cody left without a reason. It still gets me. Im bitchy and Ive slept alot so that I dont get the urge to binge and purge. Avoidance.. its helping.



My mom is really worried. She wants to tell this guy Im seeing to watch and make sure I eat and that Im not rushing to the bathroom or anything after I eat. Ive talked to him about it. He's supportive. I dont think he understands, but all I asked from him is if he sees a couple of behaviours that he tells my mom. Which kinda urks me that I am being watched, but I let it go. Its for my own good. My mom is mad at me actually, I wouldnt let her talk to him and tell him he had to make me eat more than once a day. (Im actually doing rather well on that point.. maybe not the Rosewood 6 but atleast its more than once.. and I keep it down.. bonus points for me I figured.)



I am tryin to keep myself positive. Although I feel like I wasted the last year of my life whining about someone who didnt love me, leaving me. Like I failed at everything I tried to do. *sighs softly* I dont know if Im tryin to stick my head in the sand and ignore some of these things, even tho I see clear reasons why they are true or if Im just tryin to remain optimistic. Part of me wants to talk about it til Im blue in the face, but what good does that do? Even know while Im writing this, Im fightin the urge to erase it all and write a happy cheery letter. *snickers* Not at allll like me to do. lol. (sarcasm is a wonderous thing)



I dont like it that Im moving back in with my parents. I know my mom is gonna try and control my every move. good gods it gives her more of a chance to watch me with that eagle eye of hers. make sure Im eatting and so forth. I appreciate her concern, but.. I dont know. Just makes me feel like a child. I do like the thought of my bills being cut in half and not having the responsiblity of paying most of them month to month. There always a silver lining. Plus it gives me a chance to work on other things if Im not stressed about bills and so forth. (optimistic view.. ignore the fact shes gonna hound me like a child and try to control everything)



Im sorry Ive sorta spent this entire entry ranting. Im going to send it now before I come to my senses and delete it all.