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You know, I've given a lot of thought to the physical and mental changes that come over a person when they're in love, and I think it can be as addictive as heroin. Honestly, is there a better feeling in the world?

Well, besides orgasms and sneezes, of course.



I think that if I wasn't so aware of myself as a person I might be more addicted to FALLING in love than BEING in love.

I LOVE to be in love.....but many times it ends badly. I've been told many times that I exhaust people, physically AND mentally.....and it's funny, because they're usually the ones who can't leave ME alone, sometimes to the point of obsession.



I know there are people out there who believe in one true love forever, but I've had a few true loves. I say they're true loves because there was no deception involved, and the feelings I had for them were honest to the bone. Is it my fault that sooner or later everyone disappoints me in an unforgivable way? Am I to stay where I would have to be less than what I am for someone else?



Maybe someday I'll find someone who is a perfect compliment to me.....until then, I'll enjoy the good times and experiences I have with the imperfect ones. Otherwise, what's the point of living at all?

I will NEVER surrender LOL.....this is to the DEATH;)

And when death comes, I'll be smiling.

Sometimes I have recurring nightmares that follow me into my waking, and it's always jarring when I come out of it.....I cracked my head on the wall yesterday morning because of the Jesus thing, and this is the dream I want to talk about. I've had it for a couple of years now, and every time it comes I wake up badly.



At the beginning of my dream, I'm standing at the beginning of a long dock that runs out into a gray lake. The sun has gone down over the mountains that ring the lake, but the sky still has a strange yellow color to the west. At the edge of the dock, looking down into the water, is a little boy wearing a gray sweatshirt.



I begin walking down the dock to look over his shoulder, and the wind starts to blow. It takes me forever to get to him, and the closer I get the more I notice there's a light coming from the water. It's bluish light, very harsh.



I come up behind the boy and look into some kind of box he's pulled out of the water, where the light is coming from. I can't see anything for a minute, and then my eyes adjust and I see.



There's a fish in the box, lying on its back and split from head to tail. There are weird wires and pieces of vein coming out of the fish into the brightness of the box, and I know that this is a bad thing. The center of the lake begins to boil, and then a skeleton with a scythe comes out of the lake and cuts the boy in half.



Suddenly, I'm standing in a long hallway, and the outside wall of the hallway is lined with those old crank windows that have the slats of frosted glass in them.



I start walking down the hallway to the door, and as I walk I notice a shadow on the other side of the glass, walking with me. It keeps my pace with me to the door, which also has the crank-slats of glass in it.



I turn the lever to open the window and peek at the shadow, and standing on the other side of the door is this thing. From the waist up it looks like some awful negative picture of Jesus Christ, crown of thorns and all, only it's eyes are completely transparent and jellylike and about three times to big for the face, and from the waist down it was this horrible mass of tentacles that looked like weird gray earthworms.



This is where I wake up, but instead of it fading a lot of times it's still standing in my room for a minute, which is where the falling out of bed or banging my head on the wall above my bed comes in.



There have been many, many times I've had waking nightmares, and a lot of them are pretty unpleasant. I've come out of sleep screaming bloody murder because I could swear the covers were floating three feet off the bed.



It's sometimes hard to deal with the sleeping world being as real or MORE real than the waking one.

When is it time to walk away?



When the person you are with isn't a person to you anymore, it's time to walk away. When you look at them and see nothing but a pile of meat, it's time to walk away. When there's nothing left but bitterness in your heart and a bad taste in your mouth, it's time to walk away.



My friend is in a terrible relationship right now, and has been for ten years.

I say to her, leave him.

She says, I can't. I love him.

I say, if you look at his sleeping back and want to stick a knife in it, where's the love in that?

She says, I don't know.

Good answer, idiot.



I've never had a really terrible time walking away from someone who isn't good for me, even if I love them dearly. For some reason, love seems to short out the part of the brain that deals with self-preservation. I've always thought it was pretty simple: If it brings more hurt and misery than good, ditch it PRONTO.



I've been married and divorced twice so far, and I can't really say I am sorry. There is always someone better out there.....why stay and be miserable when you get to the same end eventually? I suppose hope is the main reason people try so hard to make something broken work, but sometimes hope can hurt MUCH more than it helps.



I love my friend dearly, but it's hard to be sympathetic sometimes. I don't mean to be insensitive, but common sense HAS to kick in sometime, right?

RIGHT?????



You're right, probably not.

Ah, the humanity.