The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

After Sex Comments by Sun Sign:
03:42 Jun 24 2006
Times Read: 619




Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!"



Taurus: "I'm hungry--pass the pizza."



Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?"



Cancer: "When are we getting married?"



Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?"



Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets."



Libra: "I liked it if you liked it."



Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you."



Sagittarius: "Don't call me--I'll call you."



Capricorn: "Do you have a business card?"



Aquarius: "Now let's try it with our clothes off!"



Pisces: "What did you say your name was again?"

Hush Little Witch (Sang to the tune of Hush little baby)
03:39 Jun 24 2006
Times Read: 620








Hush little baby don't you squall

Momma's gonna buy you a crystal ball

And if you still can't see beyond

Momma's gonna buy you a magic wand

And if that wand don't change your fate

Momma's gonna teach you to levitate

And if the astral makes you sick

Momma's gonna buy you an incense stick

And if that frankincense smells rank

Mom'll buy a sensory deprivation tank

And if that tank don't float your bones

Momma's gonna buy you some some precious stones

And if those gems don't ease your heart

Momma's gonna buy you a natal chart

And if your planets go berserk

Momma's gonna buy you some bodywork

And if your aura still needs kneading

Momma's gonna buy you a past life reading

And if your destiny stays hid

Momma's gonna buy you a pyramid

And if your chakras still feel stressed

Momma's gonna take you on a vision quest

And if power animals don't come to charm ya

Sorry, kid, it's just your karma!

20 Ways Not to Get Invited Back to a Circle
03:25 Jun 24 2006
Times Read: 621




1. Take the ritual sword from the alter and make sounds like Darth Vader..."Luke, I am your father!"...and start making light saber

noises.



2. Start skat-singing when chanting.



3. Take the ritual athame from the alter and start cleaning your nails with it.



4. When taking a sip of the ritual wine, act like a wine snob and comment on it.



5. When doing the spiral dance, make a conga line.



6. Call down the Goddess with "Get your ass down here, Big Momma!".



7. Call down the God with "Our father,who art in heaven..."



8. When chanting the names of the Goddess, randomly include Pokemon names.



9. When being smudged, complain about second-hand smoke.



10. In a drumming circle, laugh insanely and start drumming the beat to "Wipe Out".



11. When in a skyclad circle, randomly point and laugh.



12. When the ritual wine goblet is passed to you, chug it and ask for more.



13. Invoke Satan.



14. Take out a bible and start evangelizing.



15. Light up a cigar.



16. Bring a cute furry creature and offer it as a blood sacrifice.



17. Talk a lot about casting spells for revenge against people who have offended you.



18. At a handfasting say "Thank God! Maybe now i'll get some grandchildren!"



19. When in circle, answer your cell phone.



20. Respond to "So Mote it Be!" with "Amen!"

You Know You're a Witch When...
03:22 Jun 24 2006
Times Read: 622








1. Your BOS has spots on the pages from spilled brews.



2. When cleaning house you have to specify. "Where is the broom? No, not the broom, where is the one to clean the floor with?"



3. Candle wax has dripped on your keyboard.



4. There are more jars of strange smelling plants in your cupboards than there are cereal boxes.



5. Friends know they can always give you candles and incense as a gift.



6. When watching old re-runs of Bewitched, you find you side with Samantha's mother Endora.



7. When travelling, stranger and stranger strangers tell you their problems.



8. You find yourself making corn dollies in the checkout line at the grocery store (well, I thought about it).



9. You ask for Halloween off, because it's a religious holiday.



10. You start answering the phone with "Merry Meet".

You might be a redneck witch if...
03:20 Jun 24 2006
Times Read: 624




1) You use the rebel flag as the altar cloth.



2) Your pentacle is eched into a 57 chevy hubcap.



3) Your call to the god and goddess is "HEY y'all looky here!"



4) You refer to the god as Bubba.



5) Calling down the moon hears like "get your butt down here right now."



6) Enacting the great rite is a family thing.



7) Your chalice is an old mayo jar.



8) You don't use candles because tiki torches are so much easier to see.



9) Your altar is propped up on cinder blocks.



10) Skyclad is your normal attire around the house.