The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Jenny, a blonde girl came skipping home from school one day.

"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10.

See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" Jenny asked.

"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.

... The next day the girl came skipping home from school.

"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good, Jenny," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day Jenny came skipping home from school.

"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"

And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No Honey, it's because you're 24."

The PM approached a call girl and said, 'I am the Prime Minister of The UK, now how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?'

She replied,



Mr Prime Minister, if you can get my skirt up as high as my taxes, my panties down as low as my wages, get that thing of yours as hard as the times we are living in, and keep it rising like the price of fuel, keep me warmer than it is in my home and screw me the way you have the UK's pensioners...



Then you can have it for free, just like everything our immigrants get!

COMMENTS

-

---

dabbler
01:21 Sep 16 2013

Not even being from across the pond, I had to roar at this one.. keep them coming mate.

---

POST COMMENT

Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner.

When the time came to leave, his car wouldn't start, and it was too late to call the local service station.

The husband urged Charlie to stay over.

There was no spare bed in the house; there wasn't even a sofa.

So Charlie would have to sleep with the husband and wife.

No sooner had the husband fallen asleep when the wife taped Charlie on the shoulder and motioned for him to come over to her.

"I couldn't do that," he whispered.

"Your husband is my best friend!"

"Listen, sugar," she whispered back, "there ain't nothing in the whole wide world could wake him up now."

"I can't believe that," Charlie said.

"Certainly if I get on top of you and screw you, he'll wake up won't he?

"Sugar, he certainly won't. If you don't believe me, pluck a hair out of his a**hole and see if that wakes him."

Charlie did just that.

He was amazed when the husband remained asleep.

So he climbed over to the wife's side of the bed and fucked her.

When he finished, he climbed back to his own side.

It wasn't long before she tapped him on the shoulder and beckoned him over again.

Again he pulled a hair to determine if his old friend was asleep.

This went on eight times during the night.

Each time Charlie screwed the woman, he first pulled out one of the husband's a**hole hairs.

The ninth time he pulled a hair, the husband awoke and muttered:

"Listen, Charlie, old pal, I don't mind you f**king my wife, but for Pete's sake, stop using my a** for a scoreboard!"

Little Asian kid walks into a bar…..



He has the most amazing and colourful parrot on his shoulder……



The barman says “Wow !!!”



That’s awesome, where did you get it?"



“China, there’s fucking millions of them!" replied the parrot.

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral a voice from inside screams from Inside the Coffin, "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out".



The vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters "Too late pal, I've already done the paper work".

In a convent in Ireland, the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying.



The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable.



They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it.



One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.



Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.



Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips.



The frail nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.



As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.



"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us."



She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said:

"DON'T SELL THAT COW."