... just been sitting before the gas fire, warming my hands, looking at the clock.. thinking of the train journey.. thank gawd for Hunter S.
And, as I type, I’m wearing a glove, ‘coz the numbness is annoying, as is updating the anti-virus software on the laptop, so I’m glad I’m off out soon, to the project, where I’ll earn my backache…
After a day at the Sencia, looking at website and ‘that job’, I returned home, to eat one of my casseroles, then watch Poiret with the folks, a good story.
“Was colder than Moscow yesterday,” he says. And, after how my toes and fingertips felt, I can’t help but feel he was right.
Then I settled down to watch part three of ‘Dead Set’, one of the best pieces pieces of television I’ve seen in years.
Just imagine, George A. Romero type zombies are taking over and the only survivors, are members of the Big Brother cast.
The fellow who wrote it, Charlie Brooker, had his tongue well in his cheek when he wrote it: but this is as much about severed limbs, as spot-on gags at society and those who take part in the so-called celebrity culture, of today.
Whilst I was running around my room like a mad chuck, I turned out all my notebooks. After I'd found the one I was looking for, I'd started to read some of the others. Boy- do I write a lot.
For example: -
30th August 1999
Monday
All my frustration at learning to operate, then not doing so, ended this Bank Holiday.
The operator was on holiday and no-one in the office knew.
(I had learnt at one point why Lenny wasn’t in: it was a Bank Holiday – he’d had the time owing. But, primarily, he’d a bottle of whiskey, ‘just waiting to be opened.’)
As the base I order taxis down to is next to the office, when I went into work the boss had collared me, there was no-one on the main-set.
Thing is, by the way, on one of the busiest days going with the Creamfield Festival and the Mathew Street Festival.
And I’d ended up working the main set, for nearly twelve hours.
Yet, everything I’d learnt came together, right down to the phone-answering an getting drivers to and from jobs, by ‘working the book.’
When I’d come off the set, my neck ached, as did my back and I could still hear phones ringing in my ears. But, I’d coped…
* * *
3rd September 1999
Friday
It’s really quiet – and shortly before dawn, at about 4:30 a.m
I did my last work ten minutes or so ago … and now, trade seems to have ended.
The last fares on the base were a group of young French people … who arrived as the boss and I were talking, prior to him going upstairs, to bed.
“We’re wanting to go to Birkenhead and New Brighton … and I’ve only got fifteen pounds, is that enough?”
Both the boss and I had smiled at this – especially when ‘Birkenhead’ turned out to be ‘Oxton’, a three-pound fare; and New Brighton had turned out to be ‘Liscard’, again a three-pound fare.
It seems, that they were on holiday; it’d been their last day and the young man had been hit a little earlier, ‘for being French.’
Call it management perks, but the boss had taken the Liscard fare, a young lady; whilst I’d brought down Glynn, the night driver, for the fare to Oxton.
So, thanks to us, they had got home, safely … and, without being ripped of.
* * *
13th October 1999
Wednesday
As all around changes, yet again – little seems to change.
I arrived at Woodside, a little early this morning.
(The boss) Terry was asleep, so I kept ringing the door. When I got the key, it was the wrong one. The key I had been given was the key to the office … so, I had to disturb Terry a second time to get the key to open up.
By then, several basefares had been missed ... and within minutes of opening up I had the kettle on … the video on rewind with Lexx slotted in, then made my coffee … black, of course.
I listen to the base-set down, down at Woodside, listening to the two-way flow of air-traffic as the operator Lenny works.
I look at the old wood and Perspex partition, that used to separate the Woodside operator from the customers.
Now I glace to my left, at the t.v., waiting for me to turn it on … and, in the background I listen to Lenny, busy over the set, working a few cars, the sporadic silence a sign of how often he is answering the phone, as each time he next speaks, the list of jobs he calls is longer than the time before.
And still he says, calls for “anyone for Central…?”
Lenny is an old-style operator, dispensing with the headset, he answers the phone and calls jobs out by area… both phonebox and house address alike.
I glance up and it is sunny outside … and, the traffic outside is getting noisier.
“Is that Chow-Mein Lenny?” a driver asks… when he hears the name ‘Charmein.’
* * *
If there’s a ‘klutz of the year’ award, I win it. Last night, as I watching ‘Dead Set’, a cross between Big Brother and a Romero zombie movie, I went into panic mode, thinking that I’d lost my working note-book, that has ‘everything’ in it.
I’d gone onto Vampirerve, to read a ghost-story, by Ladydragonrose, until I went loopdy-loop. The story will wait. But, the advice a ‘Tabby-Cat’ gave me, provided the reflection I needed, to backtrack on myself: and, eventually, find what I’d lost.
COMMENTS
I knew you'd find it if you just settled your mind and reflected on the last time you had it! YAY! Panic mode only makes it much more difficult to find things. TRUST ME I KNOW! lol. Glad you found it. :) xxx
I just lost my notebook. Doesn't sound like much, of course. But, It has set me off into panic mode.. so, I can't think straight and 'see' where I might've put it! It’s ridiculous, this is the second time I’ve done this of late: and, I’m ‘straight.’ Have been so for a week, or so.
Well bugger me, in a fridge, with hobnail boots on. After all I wrote about certain discs playing (or not) with various machines, I had another of my learning curves, Monday morning, when I was in the midst of my Manic Monday Morning, when I slotted ‘Fringe’ 1:01 into the old DVD recorder, that now only plays .avi files only. I hadn’t really expected it to play, as it’s a new show and put to .avi for me, with recent codecs. Yet, as I drank my coffee and got dressed, to look smart (but fairly Casual) I’d glanced at the TV, expecting the show to die any second. But, it hadn’t.
**
My use of the word ‘die’ brings to mind something I had learnt on Sunday.
‘Aunty’ Betty died.
She & Arthur, her husband, moved into their bungalow before us.
We were the first on the Estate, as it had become. I even recall the ‘newer’ Wimpey bungalows over the road being built: I’d called them the ‘broken down houses’, as that’s how they’d appeared, to me, as a child.
I recall looking after their rabbit when they went away for holiday one year: and it got away and killed.
I remember … and, I could go on.
Admiring her children, for all they went through in her latter years and a battle with Cancer, I know they’ll miss her terribly.
That in itself, is a cause for sadness. But, she is no longer in pain.
She had been part of my life as I grew up, Now she’s gone.
**
COMMENTS
Sorry, my days of hobnail boots are long gone lmao
We never do forget those we love it seems :)
As the rain fell like billyo in the early hours if Monday morning, I sat testing discs that had been recorded for me by Karl, to use with the renovated Packard Bell.
Although I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, it is a pity that I can’t have one machine that does all that the three combined can do. That said, I do have all three and the Packard does have a floppy drive; and I can get the Internet and type my stories. My only gripe, if it is a gripe, is that certain discs will play on one machine and not the other. But, Karl is kind for doing them for me. That I know.
That said, I have learnt a lot while doing these darn things up, (or down in some cases) to suit my needs. Besides, when his dissertation is ready to review, I’ll have work to do proof-reading, so will feel justified, a little, for all he does for me.
I’d turned page 102 of Hunter S. Thompson’s ‘Kingdom Of Fear’ and then prior to dozing awhile, while ‘Saw’ recorded (which I’ve still not seen) I went into my folks, to remind them that the clocks went back Saturday night.
“Spring forward, Fall back.” Says the quote.
And, I lay back awhile, thinking, just thinking and said, when given the chance, “That’s the first time in my life, you’ve forgotten the changeover.” Which it had been.
‘Oh my – are they getting old, or am I getting responsible?’ Now, there is a question.
**
And, like I said, I'm reading 'Kingdom Of Fear' right now, and bleak as that fellow saw what had happened to the American Dream, he still tried to make comment, perhaps to enlighten, just one other. Gotta admire his tenacity, he kept trying for more than thirty years, while living the Life, himself. I do. Admire him, that is.
“It’s 9:45, we’re going to the shops now!” Little Mother had said outside my door come Friday morning: “Will you make my bed and the sills are wet…”
“Uh huh!” I’d replied, opening the other eye.
I’d already opened one at the sound of them in the kitchen minutes earlier; and had quickly realised how nice the weather was in comparison to the abhorrent weather yesterday. I had turned back the duvet and immediately wondered why my lower right back felt like my lower left back feels on it’s worse days.
I had quickly recalled. It had been a very, very busy night.
There’s still no John and Mina, Roger is still recovering from the palette falling onto him and walking with a stick; so there was a great deal to do.
What’s more, Roger had picked up harvest-produce from a couple of primary schools and that had to be brought in from the jeep and taken upstairs.
That said, though frenetic, the night was better than last week, which just hadn’t gone as well and I’d left exhausted. At least I had enough energy left when I got home, to want to cook. Eating has it’s advantages **Grins** particularly after a long day.
It’s quite something when you taste a new experience. Such a new taste was the one I had this Monday, then repeated on the Wednesday: and it was a very pleasant taste indeed. I’ve encountered few things connected with the jobcentre where you’re treated as a person, rather than a number, to paraphrase ‘The Prisoner.’ Yet, so far all I’ve learnt about this job-centre course thingie I’m currently on has really quite impressed me. So, I don’t get £10 extra, as you do on some of these courses, the attitude of the staff there more than makes up for that. Furthermore, I’m getting home feeling like I’ve achieved something, albeit so far, it’s just a CV that makes more sense than it had previously. And, knowing how problematic my past appears on my CV, that was quite a trick indeed.
I woke with the alarm at seven, but as I hadn’t slept much through the night, I had promptly fallen fast asleep again. Half an hour later I was awake again.
I got up and started ready and at nine thirty, got to the station in time to see my train pull out of the station, forty five seconds early, I was assured by a young lady on the platform. For awhile, I wandered the platform, my feet crunching on copper and burgundy and brown leaves, from the trees above, many with lives ones still on them: before my train arrived.
Then, within five minutes of arriving at the training opportunity, Sencia, I’d turned round as I went to sit at a PC and knocked over someone’s coffee.
‘Good way to start the morning,’ I’d muttered.
As the morning progressed, I looked for opportunities, determined to see the experience as such.
One of the fellow’s there had given me sound advice about my CV, then as I had sat at the PC puzzling over the changes in layout his suggestions might mean, a member of staff, who looks like a young Shirley Bassey sat to my left. I think she was there as I provide curiosity value. And, as she sat there, she’d glanced at my CV, then asked me about the soup kitchen and ‘which charity did I work for?’
Well, that was so similar to the reason for me having so much hassle with the dole; I’d decided to purse this line of thought.
Turned out she had worked for an agency I know of in Liverpool: and as I considered what we talked of, I saw sense I her words.
By 12:20 both the member of staff and I had enough of a headache to grant me ten minutes early finishing time.
I got home to fins that my folks were still at the hospital, where my Mother had apiece taken off her lung, without anaesthetic.
I had installed SP2 onto the Packard Bell, just so I could put AVG on it; found that Aunty Betty is dying, after chatting with her daughter; then I begun cutting the onion, in preparation for tea, cheese ‘n onion casserole, sausages, cabbage and leek.
With it, we’d had a good red wine, left over from Sunday’s meal.
..
In the evening, I got to see the third episode of a show I’ve really grown to like, ‘Sanctury.’
A real Autumnal day as I put finger to keypad, on a somewhat retrospective day.
Karl would be at Alton Towers, I imagine; for yesterday, that’s were he said he’d be going. So I sat in my room, as my parents saw to the ironing having written my letter for the dole and dwelt on what I’d heard.
Aunty Betty is on morphine. My Mother learnt this when she went next door but one, to see her. And, she hadn’t known her.
We’ve grown together, her children and myself, being the first homes on the estate to be occupied, forty odd years ago.
And Mikes has to face his Mothers mortality, having already lost his Father.
I can’t see how he does it. Granted, he has his sister. Yet that said, at least he has her.
An, Simon’s words return to haunt me, “Where will you be without them?”
And these were the thoughts of a thoughtful soul on a grey-day Sunday.
I’ve spent Saturday writing on the Dell, as the Packard is undergoing an XP revision. Meaning, I removed its old administrator and put a clean copy on, with the appropriate licence, while the tower s working hard, on turning a DVD into an .avi file, to be viewed on the recalcitrant DVD recorder.
As I write, it’s sunny, after showers, which meant that I was fortunate to get the drying done. But I had. I also took a break from the machines, to stew apples.
All in all, I’ve got a lot done, considering I’m in recovery, from a good night last night. I know it had been a ‘good night’, as I woke the first time, at six in the morning, still dressed, with the duvet over me…
And, having finished the initial installation, I decided to load Adaware 8
No sooner than I’d run the scan that I found that the little Packard Bell had acquired 47 instances of malaware in my installation of XP and ‘Office.’
“Cha! So much for Windows effin vaunted security!”
Ah, the joy’s of a laptop, or two. The DVD player doesn’t play DVD’s, hasn’t for awhile. Bur, the Packard Bell, with the incomplete XP system does. As I listen to the people going noisily home, while it rains hard outside, I have an episode of ‘The Sarah Connor Chronicles on to my right, as I type on the Dell. And, the folks are in bed and the main machine is shut down and I still have a few documents to print out. But that can be done when I get up tomorrow early, for my appointment at a training agency. There’s a lot to do, print-out of c.v. and the care-history; and shave.
After making a couple of video’s for a friend, I saw what I looked like and decided, it just had to go. Pity is, as beards go, it’s one of my better ones.
Well I must have done something right, when I purchased the wine for my Dad, the other day. Just before I went out to the chemists for my painkillers, little Mother gave me the coin for another bottle of the same, Elephant Trail, a Shiraz.
So I tootled off to the shops and got what was needed, including the wine from the Co-Op, distributed by them; and considering how cheap it was, £3.35, I’m not surprised the young lady behind the counter could tell me it was a fast seller.
I got home, then after a short spell on the web, I had to start trundling again.
Now, it may be 3 to 4 miles to Bromborough Pool, where the Jobcentre Plus is, but I’m not a crow and it had started raining when I left.
Needless to say, although it was wet, I enjoyed the walk, even the new limp that’s developed, and this one being in the right knee.
All of it was an experience in being alive.
That said, I had ‘signed-on’, then asked the question I felt was inevitable to ask, “Will I get paid, as I should this week?”
“I think so,” I’d been assured.
So, I phoned up the main office, where my claim is verified, to ask the same question.
“Well,” I’d been told, “there is something flagged here. Just hang on will you and I’ll go make enquires.”
I hung on.
It transpires, that I’ll find out on Friday, if I get paid as I should or not.
It was sunny all Sunday: but when the phone rang, I knew what it’d meant.
It’d mean I wouldn’t be calling at Karl’s. And, sure enough, it was Karl, phoning to say he was off to Neston (to see a French Lady and go a walk.) Well, I can’t say I blamed him. I hadn’t epected him to offer to call on the way to meet her, but he had: and thanks to him, I now have a surfeit of good things to watch. And, he even helped me update the new laptop (a Packard Bell, with working DVD drive, for watching DVD’s in bed as the old DVD recorder only plays .avi files now.)
And as I stood with him on the station platform, I’d said, “When I get back, I’ve got windows to wash.”
“Yes, twice.” Said he, wittily, with a reference to the fact I wanted to reinstall windows XP on the ‘new’ laptop.
Then home I went, to video email and nice Lady and go onto the forum on VR, to explain to those who partook of a ‘Happy Birthday Angelus’ thread that my birthday is next month, not this: and, that we do our dates differently.
But, I did get the windows washed, before going out to get red wine for the meal.
I recall going into the off licence and said to the fellow: “I don’t know whether to be honoured or not. Either way, this is my idea of Hell. Buying Father for my Father, on a limited budget.” Needless to say, it’d been said with a smile.
As it happens the wine, a South African, had proved a good choice: thankfully.
Each of us said the same, ‘Good meal, that.’ Or thereabouts.
After a spell on VR, I returned to my the gloom of my room, to bring a smirk and a laugh to the face with ‘Jarutha’, a kind of scifi ‘Jumajii’, I’d wanted to see for years.
I was really getting into it: then, about ten minutes before the film ended, the tape did.
..
What’s that word, begins with eff?
The ramble on my VR profile, was from a piece entitled ‘A Sense Of Worth.’
Well Saturday’s had been a time when I found that from treating my lady special, by cooking a meal for her and, well making her feel like a Princess.
That was then.
Now, Saturday’s are a time when I think, too much.
For instance, the other day, I lost more ‘friends’, which I should put into context as Sinora suggested. But after Simon’s ‘betrayal’, I’m just far too over sensitive.
And, I know it.
I try to do the right think, only to be disappointed, yet again.
Yet, though I expect it from ‘real life’, it hurts more on VR.
And, I suppose part of it, is the supposed anonymity I have there, that I choose to relinquish with some.
Then, I open my email, just before bed, to find an ecard, waiting for me.
Granted, due to the way we write our dates differently in USA and UK, it was a month early; it still gave me that fillip I needed, at the end of a Saturday night.
..
What gives a day worth? Well this Sunday morning, I looked out the back window, prior to watching ‘Dark Angel’ and there were my folks, both of ‘em, gardening.
That gave my day a sense of worth.
THUMPITY THUMP ... the wheelie-bin trundles down the drive. And, I open my eyes, running my hand through a tousled head. My eyelids are heavy still and I can hear the folks getting ready to go shopping. I make my coffee and
return to the duvet to press the keys awhile, as I sniff and sniff myself
awake.
>
THUMPITY THUMP ... the neighbour trundles his wheelie-bin down his path, on my rooms side, as I typed the words down the first time.
>
And the parents chunner outside the window prior to the car reversing down the drive and I keep typing as Jeremy Kyle illustrates to me how honest relationships can be with some couples; as you watch the insecure woman, pushing her partner away with accusations of cheating; or the man who plays one mother of his child against his current girlfriend, who's also
pregnant; or, the kid's who are having kids and don't trust one another. I do find it an intriguing way to start the morning
>
And I'd started this to talk of the Mayor and the art museum and my curiosity as to whether the photos will be in the paper today, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
>
I'd gone for an earlier train to Liverpool, to meet Anne, to go the museum with her and see the picture Cityscape by Ben Johnson.
>
Well, I got to the station, only to see the damn train pulling out of the station and yet again I was crestfallen. I knew I would let Anne down with my lax time-keeping , but it had happened: and the question had been, what would I find when I get to Liverpool Central to meet her?
>
Needless to say, everything on the journey was an irritant, everything and everyone; the feet on the seats, the mobile phones going off, the irksome stranger staring me out, one knee bouncing up and down.
>
Meanwhile, my anxiety levels were reaching higher and higher, until I'd rushed up the escalator, to the gate, where I hoped she still wait. And, there she'd been.
>
"Don't tell Roger please?" I'd asked, just before we
left for the museum, following a strange and circumnavigate route there through shops and
precinct.
>
We'd got to the museum, with time to spare, just. We had made our way upstairs, and then found the Mayor chatting to the artist, promoting the piece. It turns out Liverpool's Mayor is Anne's local councillor, which
tickled me, as I saw them show their familiarity with a nod and a smile.
But the painting of Liverpool as it will look when all the work is complete, one of several on display, of cities round the whole, was grand, in size and scale. And, as I said to Anne "It'd mixed media cut'n paste!"
>
A team of five and this fellow, had produced the painting over several years, as a series of illustrations displayed.
>
At one point Anne dragged me next door, to show me a picture of a similar cityscape, on a much smaller size, painted about a hundred years ago.
>
Of the two pictures, I know which I preferred: the one that's not bland and lifeless.
>
Yet that said the other was traditional, traditionally traditional, with
> streams of smoke amidst a yellowed darkened sky. But I preferred it, to
the
> stylish, lifeless picture I'd gone to see.
>
Needless to say, that had begun a discussion on what makes art ART that lasted as we walked slowly toward the church, very slowly, in a meandering fashion.
>
Well, at the lights, by Lime Street station, as we crossed the road I got as excited as a child when I noticed the cinema I went to as a child was open: and being used.
>
I had virtually dragged Anne across the road, to see what they'd made of the place.
>
We had gone in and within seconds, were talking to someone who could tell me more.
>
It turns out it had become the HQ for this years Liverpool Biennial, the city-wide art exposition. The fellow had given me a map of the exhibition
showed that the trail of exhibits started there, in the main auditorium.
So we went in and as I looked at the piece, which I quite liked, so many memories flooding back of pictures I'd seen there and the people
I've known. Sweet memories. As we walked out, I learnt that the building, grade 11 listed, will be used in the future, albeit as a prestigious hotel.
>
And I'd got as far as the foyer, then realised I couldn't find Anne, but had found an attractive Chinese young lady, sitting before a bank of MAC's, amongst a class environment, name of Yeun. We'd talked of art and what she was doing and what
I did and where it's displayed and at one point I realised she was married, from her name, not the ring on the finger, as there'd not been one, I realised after picking up on the name.
>
"Are you disappointed?" She had asked, with a wide smile.
>
It was a question that stuck with me, as I found Anne and we left the former ABC cinema, to begin our walk to the church, again.
>
And, I recall concluding that as my interest had been the person, not the looks, then quite obviously, Yeun being married hadn't been a disappointment, at all.
>
Well, we got past the comic shop (which was difficult, there were too many things in the window to nose at) then as we kept walking, Anne asked, "Mind if we call in here?" Here, had been Lewis's, the store that had
closed, that's part of the cities history, (not the new John Lewis, in 'Liverpool One', the new shopping project).
>
And, I recall the Grotto downstairs; where I'd met Santa and on another time, had a chimpanzee sit on my knee: Sweet memories, from boyhood.
>
She dragged me to an old-style food-hall with wonderful smells that reminded me of a delicatessen. (Mmmmmm.) And, as we trundled round the aisles, Anne noted that to an outsider's eye, we might look like an old married
couple, with our continual banter. I had replied by saying "No, the difference is that we talk."
>
Just had a parental interval.
>
The folks arrived back, and then Dad and I put away all the shopping, as I said to little mother, 'like a well-oiled machine, well bar the veg.'
>
She did well and though shattered, didn't cough: even had a beaming smile, from meeting friends while and being met well.
>
So as they prepared there lunch, I return to my typing and the walk up the hill, to the church, where the community choir were practising, as we were cooking.
>
And that'd been a pleasant distraction to the chaos of the next hour of so, which was a little of a downer, as it'll be the last we see of young
Meena and John, for six or seven weeks, while they toddle off to China, to visit with her folks.
>
And, I do recall, as I cooked the fishcakes, Meena telling Roger about the fruity sauce 'that Neil got' on the other side of the room. I called her 'a grass' quietly and Anne had reminded me that she was as well, as she'd let Roger, the team-leader, know I'd let her down with my time-keeping, yet again.
>
Speaking of time-keeping and suchlike, brings me to the journey to the church and the sideways turn, that led toward the university and some old garden and a stone grotto, dedicated to the Virgin Mother, which I'd not seen if I'd not seen, if I'd not met Anne.
>
I do like our ambles through town together: and boy, she's easily as bad as I am for the getting distracted, as we walk; and a real pleasure to have as company.
>
And having finished typing my words to be written, I'll go and water the fertilizer into the front lawn, after it has burnt patches, after being
applied and us not having had rain recently, with wind. Okay ... it's time to close down and time to go water.
Life has its downs, most certainly. Of late, I’ve encountered rather a few of them, but these last couple of days have been so good, they’re the reason that you put up with the horrible stuff.
Monday, I’d phoned up a training agency, to explain why I couldn’t go and briefly told the young lady the whole story. Her concern was touching, more so when she rang on the Tuesday, to see if I were all right.
Tuesday, I arrived home by taxi, not well before twelve. And, having imbibed well, at several local hostelries; & of certain smokables; I was well happy.
Then this Wednesday was a perfect blue-sky day: and, £20 arrived in the post for me.
No name and a smiley stamp in red on the back of the paper that accompanied it, with a note that said ‘Don’t let the bastards grid you down.’
And, I’d gone travelling, back to the dole, to get them to rebook me an interview with the agency – I made a point of giving the staff I saw some chocolates: encounter good Karma, ‘pass it on,’ I think.
Now, I can rest shortly, content in the knowledge that I’ve satisfied my own level of need, as spoken of by Maslow. And for me, that’s a good thing.
COMMENTS
The end of Monday saw me sitting cross-legged, ‘Sanctuary’ on the television, as I’d tried to rationalise the events of the day. In truth, I find it hard to do so.
Everything I feel about ‘the System’ was brought to the fore through the day and my whirling mind found it hard to comprehend the sheer stupidity of it all.
It’d started with the postman not calling, as expected. He hadn’t called on Saturday either, which was when I’d been assured of my Giro. So today I waited and waited.
Finally I could wait no more, so I phoned the dole, yet again; and learnt that my claim was suspended, still.
I’d been that full of ire, that when I later phoned Birkenhead, as suggested, I was shaking with impotent rage by the end of the call.
It had transpired that metaphorical boxes hadn’t been ticked and all of the information I’ve supplied of late hadn’t been enough.
What had really got to me was that the letter Roger had written hadn’t been enough to validate that my voluntary work wasn’t unpaid, because it wasn’t on headed notepaper. (That was the thing that had my head explode with a loud “WTF!”)
It seems that our little group had caused a problem for ‘the System’ as we do charitable work; yet, we do not have charity status.
Furthermore, my Team Leader and the Projects main source of funding, is a lorry-driver called Roger, who just does as he does, with the assistance of a few community volunteers, giving a hot meal, on a Thursday, for a couple of hours.
It seems, they just couldn’t get their head round that. ‘Yet, had could I convince them, of the truth, when they choose not to see it?’ That’d been the question that had me so vexed. So after giving them Roger’s mobile phone-number, during another phone-call, I waited again, to find out what might happen.
And, all I had actually wanted to do was ensure Sheila, my Mother’s mate, got her computer back. It’d just never happened.
But, after phoning for a Crisis Loan, then a lift to the Jobcentre plus off my Dad, I’d learn that not only was the loan waiting for me, so was the benefit I was owed.
After cashing the cheques, I got home to find Roger had phoned and had a chat with my Mother, while I was out.
‘Well, I phoned the dole for Neil,’ says he, ‘and told them I couldn’t believe he’s been messed round like this.’ I doubt it, as he’s too polite. But, he had got it sorted for me.
My only thought, before I fell asleep from sheer emotional exhaustion, was an amused wondering. I was curious knowing the routes he takes, ‘Where on in Britain was Roger, when he made that phone-call?’
COMMENTS
My poor English Love....
Been there done that, got the effin t-shirt
I spend untold and barely managed amounts of money to "go to court, because that will be the end of it once and for all" only to be told that it isn't, and another 20 business days in the waiting- all because a judge isn't paying attention?
Again a huge WTF rattled my brains as well...
too bad there isn't a cure for brains too bruised to care anymore...
the systems sucks here as well. Having been disabled and only wanting what I payed into the system since ive been eighteen, thinking as stupid as it sounds. was told I didnt qualify for even food stamps as I had no children ( grown ) and I was able bodied to work. wtf. every one else and god can collect, I told the woman you dont have to be able to see a physical defect. I wasnt asking for something that i didnt earn.
but as I said I can pay for everyone else. I just wanted a little bit of help. just enough to buy food. couldnt even get that. so i have no faith in the system works for everyone but me. thing is i know people that can work the system very well. they dont have to do a hands turn and that pisses me off to no end. they didnt work for it or earn it. they just get it all.
I am in the midst of several computers: right now we're backing files up before a disccheck and boy is it torturous.. thank gawd for Karl!
and, I'm knackered, I don't do this. my mate's getting cheesed off. he got dragged by me to help a friend of my Mums. patient fellow!
furthermore, I've a 'new' laptop, to thank me, for Karls effort.
I slept badly, still concerned with events of the morning. Transpires I’d knocked the alarm off, so woke tired tetchy and not looking forward to the walk; particularly when I saw it teeming down outside, as my Dad readied to go shopping.
Even though little Mother wanted to go with him, she’s not quite ready for that, yet.
Yet, I had no choice, as the letter Roger had signed for me, on my behalf, was what I’d need to validate my claim: thus proving, my ‘work’ is unpaid, voluntary work.
It had been fortuitous, I had bus fare there, my reimbursement from last nights travel, although I’d forgotten about, till I was about to leave the house, me ‘n my shoulder bag, with Hunter S. inside, ready for the expected wait on the decision.
I got to local Jobcentre Plus and waited just a short while, had my letter faxed over, then an email was sent in which my ‘friendly help’ requested a phone-call for clarification of what to do next. It seems she couldn’t phone out, to them.
A phone-call later, I heard my name, spoken from across the room.
My attention had been sought.
They’re willing to send you a giro out, not personal issue.
That can’t be done, it seems, not for someone’s first time signing. Fact was, I’d just come off Incapacity, which I’d gone onto from the same benefit I’m applying for, is neither here, nor there, it would seem.
But, I thanked the ‘nice lady’, for help before I left, with the hope, that British Mail will allow me to have enough coin, for the pleasant weekend, I think I deserve.
When I left, it was well sunny, with a light blue sky and a pleasant walk was had.
..
And, I do wish there were more like the lady with the heels and the jangling keys at her waist, that reminds me of a ‘screw;’ or the other, who reminds me of a librarian should look like. Though two and to a lesser extent one other, have gone out of the way, to try and make things easier for me, as ‘jailbird lady’ reminded me: It’d been a polite reminder, as I’d been so scathing about the system: although I’ll warrant though she was right, I’d admit here and Now, that without them, I’d have just given up completely, because of this unforgiving system I became enmeshed inside of.
I want to write. don't know how or what.. but through the help of a few, I'm finding my voice.. the encouragement of those people, has been invaluable, to me ...
..
and they know who they are. I thank them.
But, it's worth saying again. Thank you.
COMMENTS
I'm glad to hear you're finding your voice. :)
I understand the feeling, and Ditto :)
‘We have enough grim things to worry about in this country as the 21st Century unfolds. We have Anthrax , we have smallpox, we have very real fears of being blasted into jelly in the privacy of our own homes by bombs from an unseen enemy, or ripped apart with no warning by our Neighbours Rottweiler dogs. All these things have happened recently, and they will probably happen again.
We live in dangerous times. Our armies are powerful, and we spend billions of dollars a year on new prisons, yet our lives are still ruled by fear. We are like pygmies lost in a maze. We are not at War, we are having nervous breakdown.’
Quote: Hunter S. Thompson, 2002
COMMENTS
Hunter was a brilliant journalist and author. Ive read a few of his works and admired his skill and his refusal to back away from the truth. no matter who it hurt.
Sunny outside and the ground was still wet, I noticed, as I looked out onto the world.
I was padding through the house, in my green stripey terry-towel robe and fawn woollen socks, having got up moderate early, with the alarm clock.
I went through to the kitchen, where my parents were sitting across from one another eating their breakfast. Shortly after I’d just begun a somewhat protracted short story,
My Father looked at me, with disgust and said, “You can make an adventure out of a trip to the shops.” And, I thought about that for all of two minutes, and then smiled and I’d retorted, “Well, that’s not a bad thing is it?” ‘I mean, overall, I can find the interesting in the particularly mundane,’ I considered, moments later, my third coffee of the morning in my hand, while I considered the next move of the day.
COMMENTS
A trip to the shops should be naught less than an adventure!
And, mmm coffee!
Seems to me, that quality in a person would be an asset, look at it this way... you'll never be bored.
Weird, and the first of October: and it’s outside it’s raining quite hard as I sit cross-legged at 01:32 a.m., barefoot, in straight leg coal black jeans and white-shirt with button down collars (tucked in, of course) typing about the events of the day.
It’d started on the bus, reading Hunter S. Thompson and ‘Kingdom Of fear’ on the way to sign on, where I learnt a form had been sent out to me, that if it isn’t filled-in and sent back in time, my dole will be delayed.
So nothing new there; all I ‘got out of going on the sick’ over the hand, was an extra seven pound (£7) and nowt but more and more hassle, as the weeks went by.
Well, upstairs, a helped senior member of staff, who sounds good, as she walks in her heels, gave me a copy of said form to fill in, regarding my voluntary work, which has to be declared it seems, even though it’s done in my time, on a Thursday evening.
I had answered three questions, then put down N/A an awful lot, then signed it.
Then I’d missed one bus, as I read the paper and got another home, dropped off some papers, then got the train, to Birkenhead.
Having a quick Jacobite at The Fireman’s Arms I went to the bus stop
I’d got the 411 bus to Liscard, having already decided that whichever bus I took would dictate where I went and whom I called on.
I’d got off at the stop by the garage, a block away from where the Unit 4 cinema had stood . To my left, the day nursery and the flats; and the zebra crossing and he chip shop across the road from it, with the post office, with the Antiques Bureau (or, some suchlike); just on the right in the corner of the left, painted gold and green, with a few columns in front on the shop.
Above the chip shop and the flat above, accessed from the back by a wooden staircase, where the attractive Asian and the Italian foreign students (I imagine) live - is Simon lived, the brother of Vicky, who I had travelled to see.
Now, it had (past tense) had been my intent to call on a young mate, who lives on the left, around from where the Unit Four cinema used to be, where they’re now building flats, (funnily enough, being built in the style of the old cinema).
But, from where I stood, I noticed that the stairs leading up to the flat well above was open and a young man stood, and I strode across the road (not, using the zebra).
“Hello, is he in?” I’d asked, talking of the fellow who lived right at the top, who lived there with two snake; and two dog’s, the cream staff-cross and it’ brown and white with black pup, a boy: I had learnt.
“That’s my Dad,” he’d told me and as we spoke a motorbike went town the road at the side of the chippy, that eventually leads to the path at the bottom; and the lichen covered steps that lead down to the promenade, and the railing’s before The River Mersey.
I’d known who was on that red and white motorbike, who my young friend noticed, as the driver raised his right hand to acknowledge me.
“Who is it that?” He had queried, not unreasonably I feel.
“That’s Marco,” I’d told him, “He’s calling at Simon’s.”
The conversation continued, with my mate Mick, upstairs with a can of Stella Artois and a smoke; talking of TV past; and shows like The Professionals, repeats of which are finding favour today.
I recall telling him the story of how I met Vicky, when she stole my cheese sandwich, on wholemeal bread, in the canteen, on the upper floor of the art college we both went to, Licsard Hall, in Central Park (now burnt down, ‘a convenience,’ some say, a listed building would have to be developed, while the land can be used).
“Who made it?” She had asked.
“My Mother,” I had answered.
“Well, tell her she makes nice sandwiches,” she’d said, with a laugh.
And, so a friendship had been borne.
But, having got distracted, it was more than a little bit dark and somewhat blustery; as I’d walked the drag on which I’d find where Vicky lived, to my right.
(Thankfully, I’d missed the heaviest of the rain.)
And, a few curtains were had drawn shut, in well-lit rooms, their owners saying goodnight to the outside world and the gathering wind, that wasn’t at all cold.
I knocked on the door and smile and the image of Brian May opened the door, peter, Vicky’s Partner.
I like Peter, Vicky’s fella. He’s straightforward and literate and quite astute, is very good company at the pictures, who I thanked again for taking me to see ‘Chumbawamba’ at The Carling Academy. (I still find it funny how churlish Andy, Vicky’s younger brother had sounded, when he’d said. “So Peter found someone to take then”).
I was late getting to Pete ‘n Vicky’s, which unfortunately, they’ve had learn to understand, strangely enough, I’d been late to leave as well.
Thankfully I’d looked up at the clock, as I was rolling my last smoke.
It’d been 10:32 p.m. and time to move. The last bus to Birkenhead was due and I do so dislike the walk from Liscard, Wallasey, to where I live (it’s ten miles). So I stood, counting the mental checklist; black leather cap, shoulder bag and gigs: there that was everything.
As I left Pete ‘n Vicky’s house, dark, in the cul-de-sac, next to a primary school with blue railings – I’d panicked.
I’d thought, for long frightened moments, I’d left my tin behind, the one with the top of the Yin and Yang symbol.
I’d hurriedly searched my pockets, then made a move to turn back towards my theirs.
As I’d looked to the floor, amongst the tarmac pavement, just before my toes; and before a walk, was a pound coin. Then moments later I looked just to my right, a few inches away was a penny.
I had straightened up; breathing one hell of a sigh, then walked on to get my bus.
Later, as I stood outside Hamilton Square station, enjoying my smoke, I couldn’t help but count my change yet again. I had been able to believe. Not only did I have more money than when I’d left Pete ‘n Vicky’s, but I had enough for Thursday and voluntary work.
Although I wanted to write down my musing’s, when I got home; but I got distracted from writing this as soon as I came in. Food had intervened and scran had to be had. There was baked beans and a boiled onion and garlic and pasts twists, with a bolognaise sauce and a smattering of peas, I seem to recall
The lady on the radio (Pauline Daniels) spoke of an event at The Friends Meeting House on 22 School Lane, in Liverpool, regarding matters of the mind, between 1 – 4
Thinking it sounded interesting and wanting to visit the Friends Meeting House for years, I phoned up the show for more details.
The lady I spoke sought further details, the told me, ‘she’ll give them out again, after the next record.
That had been ‘To All The Girls I Love” sung by Paul Brook; and “Love On The Rocks” by Neil Diamond; followed by ‘Unbreak my Heart”, by Toni Braxton.
I ate well, as it played, finishing off the dumpling I decided to eat with the meal last.
I do like dumplings.
Finally sated and having put the leftovers in a tub, for another meal, I finished the dinner, recycled the rubbish, walking the heavy rain, (much like that I’m able to hear as I write this).
Then a little later, I turned around and heard Stevie Wonder singing “He’s Mr. Know It – All” and I’d clicked onto it, with the first bars and I decided to make my Earl Grey, ready for the morning, get my back together; and go to bed.
Getting late by then, I’d decided to go and input as much as I could into Word, while my head was still well wired, from a very pleasant evening.
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