... my hand are tingling an starting to cramp up with the cold.. time to go time .. soon
On Friday I got upset watching a couple of episodes of True Blood, sitting in the full lous, as when I got up my left knee ached.
So as I saw Mike out the back door, I stopped awhile, to ensure I could at least still put my legs round my neck.. I can.
While I worked on one of several projects I’ve begun of late, my Father went shopping. Then in the afternoon, Aunty Marion & Uncle Tommy called round to see him, as the snow flurries flurried to the ground, beneath a grey sky.
It seems winter hasn’t finished with us yet.
Come evening, a few beers and episodes two and three of ‘True Blood’ were the order of the day. And, one thing Mike and I really agree on is that none of ‘the other’ vampire series compare to this show: I included ‘Twilight.’
The characters are brilliantly drawn, the music and scenery is excellent; the plot is good, but oh-boy, the dialogue! It’s excellent.
‘True Blood’ is definitely my tele-visual treat of the moment.
And, before I went to VR, prior to bed, I put the milk bottle out: above me the full moon shone brighter than it has for months.
.. well for some reason the volunteer I like, who gave me so much hassle last weekend was a no-show: blamed an illness, as it was two new volunteers started: and one worked with me on the door ~ and, was good, real good.
I can go a walk tomorrow. I can poison the homeless.. I can afford a whiskey.
Come the end of Tuesday I arrived home, at two minutes past twelve, having been dragged out by Mandy, when I’d spent much of the day selling my Mum’s rings.
I’d got enough money from the sale to have a good night, without having to borrow money to get home. I’d had a good night, at a ‘comedy-night’, with a guy and two girls, with some gratuitous use of the word ‘cunt.’
And yes, I don’t go out often, but during a smoke-break I’d listened to someone talk of depression, and she had seemed to do well out of it.
That had been before the last smoke break of the night, when Vicky had come out and, during a brief chat, told me that she’d seen my ex in the shop where she works.
‘And she looks just like her mother,’ I’d been told, with the assumption perhaps, that what I’d been told would please me. The news hadn’t pleased me, as I have met Tina’s Mum: an overweight couch potato.
And I’d said, ‘Awwww…’ as it sounded like such a rotten thing to tell me at the end of a good nigh. In fact, that’d been true comedy, I’d thought, the blackest of black comedy..
The end of Sunday night saw me taking time out to write, as Father slept, after washing and cooking and, getting frustrated with a recalcitrant radiator.
I have so much to do, what with proof-reading and, compiling someone’s story together, it was a real pleasant way to end the night: and begin the next day.
I can’t think of little better right now that sitting in my armchair, listening to the rainfall outside, shortly after a long luxurious hot bath, feeling all tingly and fresh, as I did this Sunday afternoon…
On the Friday I went to The Cheshire to sort out pennie’s, and acquire Fathers housekeeping, and reacquainted myself with an old friend, a pair of boots I’d had soled and heeled: weird walk in them, with ‘proper’ soles on again. Once home, I logged onto Yahoo and, read a long email from Anne. [I kept it] She intimates that Rogers mood was down to me telling him she wanted to leave; which she told me ‘in confidence’, and I didn’t. I don’t betray people, like I have been and, I’m most upset about this. I have phoned Roger’s home phone. No answer.
Then eventually, she apologised: by then the damages was done. For me, that had been like the ultimate insult, since the deception I encountered myself, at the hands of my first ex-fiancée and, my ex best-friend.
COMMENTS
When someone mentions ‘in confidence’ then I know that I am normally not the first person who has been told!
that happened to me not too long ago and I've came to the same conclusions.
Come Wednesday I hadn’t realised it was my Mothers birthday, not until my Aunty Marion phoned, to ask if it was okay to call in the afternoon, with a sponge cake.
I’d said, ‘Of course. We’ll provide the sherry.”
And, we sat and chatted awhile, sharing good memories, of my Mother.
And it’d been dank, positively grey day, but with a bunged up head, I went a walk, which had felt much needed.
I’d gone to the doctor’s, meeting Graham, the street-cleaner on the way, with whom I once more tried to encourage, to eject the diskette, from the computer he’d been given, which he seems reticent to do.
Of course he’d said he would, though knowing him, it’ll take awhile.
He’s a technophobe, who just seems to want it for accessing information on Hawkwind.
Then it’d been off to the doctor’s again, to book an appointment, to see her about my newfound blinding headaches and eczema.
In the evening my Father and I watched a documentary together, shooting the war,’ the first of a three part story of amateur film illustrating something of the Second World War rarely seen.
He’s going to file down my Mother’s wedding ring: and scatter it with her ashes on the garden come Spring. It’s a marvellous idea, I think.
COMMENTS
I think it's a great idea hun *hugs*
That's so beautiful
"am feelin hate toward another here and of a small list I don't want to offend anyone by respmding wronglu, or impolitely. Goodnight."
He wrote.
universal soldeier: regeneration made me feel seventeen again, with a film so reminscent of the first, whilst paying enough of a knowing tell to the game that it hopes to emilate. and, make more money, I guess but hey, he was awesome in it; and yes, I recommend it.
am smoking Now, have developed exma [can't spell it] .. and, thank fuck, I have som left.
[[there are so nasty people on this world...]]
I am writing as I have learnt and openly. for her to do as she is she is trully crappy, to a friend of mine, who ... needs a hug. I think.
I hate feeling I can't help someone in need. and my friend was hurt by someone else's actions; someone incredibly ungrateful, who is using words in a hateful way.
I make a cup of coffee, the begin to dunk a chocolate fuge crisp into my Nescafe and, coffee compliment and I listen to the news of the lack of aid to those on the streests in Haiti as I stand with my back to the work top. Listening to Susan Boyle sing ‘White Horses’ touches me, in a way no other song has touched me, and I I finish my drink, the tear fall and, I think ok of my Mother, and he at this moment I wish it were really her touch at my shoulders that moment, as I felt the futility and yearning of the complexities of Life; and felt so small and hollow. Then I wept again.
I spent much of Sunday night and Monday morning going through some official documentation I’d filled in from the NHS pension people, to try and obtain some funds, so they could get the mail first thing. When I got that stuff, I’d been pole-axed, as never had I needed a little extra money more than now and, that turned up on my doormat come Saturday morning.
Damn, you should have seen me pouring over those papers in the early hours, to try and get what it seems I’m entitled, with the consequence that come the morning I was hardly in a position to help much with the housework, I’d been that tired.
When I got back from the shops, we sat later going through yet another pile of cards hoarded by Mum: and, with a little bit of a hard edge, I normally don’t possess, I actually managed to half the pile.
And, would you believe it, I had some good fortune, in a fashion, my old employers at the NHS have written to me, to tell me that I’m entitled to a refund of the pension money I’ve paid in: well, all I have to do is find my payroll no. Uh-huh, now that may sound easy, but recall, I am my Mother’s son & like her, I’m a hoarder.
Finding that payroll number would be fun; and, I realised that quickly.
Anyways, I was a care assistant for many years, so when I finally got to see an episode of ‘Nurse Jackie’, boy did it’s bleak misanthropic humour ring true with me: and similarly, when I watched the film ‘Smokin Aces 2 _ Assassins Ball’, I was entranced by the events shown, that used the political unrest of our times to great effect, rather than the big stars in it and the, sheer comedic violence of the film
And, further, come Saturday night, what was my main televisual treat? It had been a documentary that I watched with my Father on ‘Chaos Theory.’
Then needing something light, to counteract all I’ve seen I watched an episode of ‘Better Of Ted:’ that’ll do it, every time.
As I sit here, I am absolutely cream crackered.
It was a hard night for me, on the project… the soup kitchen: someone got insulting toward the end of the night.
I mean, we could keep serving all night, but we'd given out forty meals and, this fellow arrives as we're closing up.. been drinking.. an decided that only he was 'on the streets,' not "the others": and, it looked like the pretty lady with him was an outreach worker.. an she’s supposed to announce her presence.. if I’m right.
And… I'm on antibiotics again... damn gum recession.
So a group of policeman using their riot shields to sledge down a slope have been reprimanded: good grief, it’s winter, there’s glum faces around.
Their superiors need to develop a sense of humour!
[I so wish I’d been there, with my camera!]
And Yahoo tells me .. at 00:53 a.m.
Australia has hottest night in 100 years Melbourne is struggling in a heatwave that last night reached a record temperature. How hot was it?
while it's the first night it wasn't below freezing, here.
1:55 Tuesday morning and V.R. had been lagging waaay too much. Well, either that, or the net was; either way, I sat there and wrote, after I’d shut it down watching a film I really rather like ‘Alien Resurrection’ again.
And, I still feel Ripley’s horror, as she enters the room where clones 1-7 are kept; and, she is asked, ‘Kill me.’
And, I’d sat on the edge of my bed writing, having had a saline and garlic wash to cleanse my mouth, were the receding gum at the front has become a real pain. And, I’d taken the last of the antibiotics, for the sinusitis. And, the film I’d been watching, hadn’t finished, while I needed my bed, but I’d so much on my mind I just needed to write, as I’d needed to wind down, there’s so much rattling away in my head of late.
So finally I’d shut the Dell down, as Dad had to see to the funeral bill come a bitter windy Tuesday, after I’d come in from shopping and generally, ‘trying to be useful.’
Needless to say, when my Dad arrived home early afternoon with the small casket, with the engraved brass plate on it, containing my Mother’s ashes he had got the cup of tea he had requested waiting for him, before he went out.
I’m always’ saying to Mike that there’s a vast difference between enjoying an evening; and having a ‘wasting.’ Now it’s not that “I’m too old,” as I’ve been of this opinion for quite awhile.
Well, Saturday night had been ‘a wasting’; with four bottles of Bud, a half bottle of scotch; and some smoke.
What’s more, the film had been could, ‘Planet Terror’, the Robert Rodriguez movie, which has it’s own history, for me.
Near nine months ago I let my copy of ‘Grindhouse’ to Mike and, his old laptop scratched it. So knowing I’d no run it through my machines, I’d given it to him, having not seen the latter half of the double bill myself.
Friday just gone, he acquired a copy of it and, Saturday evening we saw it and, come Sunday morning I had phoned his, to see if he’d got home okay. And yes, he had fallen, but made sure he hadn’t fallen on his shoulder bag on his back, as it contained his harddrive, with all his films on it.
Then come Sunday morning, after my Father got the washing done and, on the maidens before the fire, we had begun to do the housework, as he has stuff to do on Monday: boy was it strange, doing the tasks that previously I’d left for Mum to do.
And, just like she had often done, as I’d dusted, I’d taken two minutes out, to wind up and play the musical box, that is the rose in a Perspex box which Dad had given her for their twenty-fifth Anniversary, that plays the tune from ‘Love Story’, thinking of her with a smile and a tear as I had done so.
Beneath a bright sun, amidst a blue sky, I left the house on Saturday morn, to seek out our Sunday meal, as a good hunter-gather would. And, the sun was warm for the walk, melting the top of the snow a little, to reveal the ice beneath and create patches of pure nastiness, that got me nearly falling several times: and once properly and hard, on the base of my lower back. And, a passing motorist on the other side of the road out with his sun stopped to see if I was alright, which was most unexpected, but pleasant, on a journey that led to a genuine source of irritation. The store where I had intended to shop, for my chicken, parsnips, sprouts and carrots was full, with the tills having queues that were just plain ridiculous, with shoppers trolley’s filled up, as if to feed the five thousand. And, the lady in front of me let me get serve before her, “as you’ve only got four items”, which was good of her.
The 8th of January may have been the 75th Birthday of the late Elvis Presley, but it’d also been the day of my late Mother’s funeral.
I had started the morning way too early, arising at 7:30, to be in the village for 9:30 so I could acquire the housekeeping for Dad. The walk had been bitching as I’d walked over packed snow turned to ice, dressed for insulated warmth, while looking good; but I had been a tad irked to learn that my building society, The Cheshire, opened up at nine, not nine thirty, as I’d thought.
As it was, I got the bread, eggs, milk and onions I’d intended, the essentials of Life as it were. Then it was back home, to relax for a good five minutes, before changing into a suit and straightening my hair, to open the door to the living-room, to find it full to the gunnels, of relatives, there to join us for the day.
At ten to one, the hearse and, a limousine drove up outside. And, it was as we drove away and I saw my Mother’s coffin through the glass sides of the hearse that it really sank in, where we were going and why. Then I had wept, quietly, as we drove on.
And the service was good, if such a thing can be described as that: I’d wanted a celebration of my Mother’s Life; and, thanks to the vicar Kenneth Rowland’s and, a piece written by my Aunty Marion of her memories of my Mother, we had just that.
The fellow even went to ‘the trouble’, of giving each of her cousins, her niece and her daughters a mention, as I’d have wanted; hence saying it was a “good” service.
And with several of my Mother’s direct relatives there from her side and, many, many of he lady friends, there was hardly a spare place on a pew: and that pleased me greatly, even through my tears, of loss and grief.
In the limited time one has in those thing’s, a broad picture of my Mother was drawn, of her smile, he laughter, her caring and Love; and, all the pain she had lived through, during a long loving relationship of sixty years plus, with my Father.
When we traipsed out, as I had helped my Mother’s hairdresser of thirty-five years over the icy snow, to the kerbside, so her husband could pick her up, Mandy walked over and took my free hand. She had been there, as I had so wanted.
And currently a blonde, and as stylish as she could be, her company was ever-so welcome: and I’d been so-pleased that she’d accepted my invitation back to ours, to join was what otherwise just a family get-together at our home.
Yet once everyone was gone, it was just my Father and I left: and I felt cold and very, very tired. So I’d rested awhile, before rising, to eat with him, before we began to plan the next day.
COMMENTS
Once again, I'm sorry.
wishing I could hug you...
**sighs** I didn't get the job.
Bah.. !! So I went off to poison the homeless.
At least they appreciated me.
An I hope the hearse can make it to the door.. the ice is that bad.
COMMENTS
By Wednesday morning and without medication, the infection had really taken hold; and when I had awoken and went to the bathroom, I’d looked properly in the mirror after gazing at myself, in the shaving mirror previously.
To my complete dismay, due to the swelling of my nose and beneath my eyes I looked just like Travis Bickle, so needless to say, I’d tried the quote: “You looking at me??” And, it was all in the nose really, it just didn’t look like mine.
But, I had a lot to do, so I’d slowly got dressed, then out; out into the snow and ice, traipsing through it to Azda, to acquire the shirt and shoes I needed for Thursday’s interview, along with a few items of general housekeeping.
While I was out Dad cleared the driveway and took down the decorations: and as he had tidied, made yet another discovery. It seems that Mum had kept every receipt for a major purchase, going back well over sixty, for anything from mattresses purchased, to the pewter jugs, that rest on a shelf in the living-room.
Once home and, having taken my meds, I made the appointment for my consultation, regarding a possible operation to my left knee and, then rested.
I’d set my alarm for 4:30 so I had plenty of time, to prepare and make our evening meal, after which I rested again, to watch some of ‘The Five Doctors’, which my Mother had set aside for me earlier in the year.
“Heavy snow and minus temperatures have been causing difficulties all over the region…” and yes, Tuesday was like stepping through a looking glass: like starting from the morning and, a world of whit, surmising I might have sinusitis; then a phone-call telling me I have a a job interview on Thursday at twelve [with the funeral on Friday] and, I was to sign on, then attend the doctors, regarding the X-Ray on my leg. Well considering how hard the snow had fallen by late morning, I decided to get a bus. All well and good, just that there was no buses going back: And, even if I had got money for shoes and a shirt for the interview , I still had a long ewalk to the doctors and, arrived well late. As it happens the lady was kindness herself, asking over my Father, then giving me a script for the sinusitis: and, the explained that the X-Ray highlighted the osteo-arthritis in the knee, and the prospect of an operation, giving me the option of the hospital I want for it; and a number to ring, to arrange the consultation. The only problem was that when I got to the chemist, they were closed early, presumably down to the weather: and, my face had ached, truly ached.
Monday entailed a trip to the Probate Office at the QE2 Courts in Liverpool. It’d been frustrating to the extreme, for my Father and me. For obvious reasons, we want this all over and done with: but what did we find, another cash-cow for the government, that entail reams of documents to be filled in and then, in 4-6 weeks, an interview. A far cry from when my Father saw to his parents fifteen years ago, when one document was needed and, proof of monies.
Then later, I had walked a way’s, to parts of Eastham I’d not visited for several years, to meet up with the last on my list of people to inform of my Mother’s death: and, needless to say, stories were told and I’d sat and listened patiently, of course. After all, she had been my Mothers friend and felt, she had something to say.
On my return journey, the biting cold got to me goodstyle, so thankfully my Father agreed to a sherry, while I saw to our evening meal, cheese ‘n onion casserole, which had been nearly as good as my Mother would make, I think.
By the end of Sunday, I was typing wearing a glove, with transvasin rubbed into the joint: the whole thing had been hurting and, cramping up and, I was in pain. It’s just the cold, but boy did it hurt. And, I’d had one disappointment, no trip to Karl’s, for diversion, as he had a houseful of munchkins, so it was stay-in and, look for lost document time, before deciding to cook the roast, although the red we had with it was good. Either way, trying to open the frozen lock on the gate as I put the bin out is what did for the hand, I think. Either that or I was in shock again, just like I was after hearing of my Mum’s death. [We had been looking at some of her favourite recent photos.] If there was a consolation, it was a couple of people phoning; who I’d enjoyed speaking to
‘Gloria?’ am gonna ask me mate to acquire it [he wrote staring at the keyboard, shit-faced still on the excellent green he'd imbibed watching 'Princess Of Mars' and, drinking whiskey.
COMMENTS
Ive never seen Dr. Who... see if I cant scare up a show or two on cable....:) I thinks its rather nice your mother left a few surprises for you...:)
COMMENTS
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Lovise
09:03 Jan 31 2010
-sighs- I pray...
Theban
15:51 Jan 31 2010
Buy some gloves you tight sod ; )