The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?



A. Frostbite





Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?



A. Claustrophobic.

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.



One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.



He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.



Edna promptly jumped in to save him.



She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.



When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.



When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news.



The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love.



I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.



The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.



I am so sorry, but he's dead.'



Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.



How soon can I go home?'

COMMENTS

-

---

dabbler
04:03 Dec 05 2013

A classic, always a hoot.

---

POST COMMENT

During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says:







"Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine.







Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."







The lady starts taking off her undies but is interrupted by the doctor.







"No!







No!







Leave your knickers on...







Just stick out your tongue!"

COMMENTS

-

---

dabbler
04:04 Dec 05 2013

Iye, Iye..

---

POST COMMENT

A burglar broke into a house one night.







He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'



He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.







When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.







Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'







Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.







Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.







'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.







'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'







The burglar relaxed.







'Warn me, huh?







Who in the world are you?'







'Moses,' replied the bird.







'Moses?' the burglar laughed.







'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'







'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

COMMENTS

-

---

dabbler
04:02 Dec 05 2013

Damn.. sure sucks to be that slub.

---

POST COMMENT