AlphaDominion13's Journal
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3 entries this month
Mistaken Identity
20:33 Oct 22 2006
Times Read: 705
First of all, the reason I chose blue for this entry is because this is how I was feeling until now. Ok to work my way up to the subject, let me begin by telling you a bit about my situation. I was adopted by my grandmother when I was 3 years old due to drug use and physical abuse (nothing sexual by the way) by my biological mother. My biological father was and never has been around due to his constant in and out of jail state because of Mafia affiliations and drug smuggling. When I was a baby, I lived in Louisianna with my biological mother and a brother which is a couple years older than me and a half sister thats a couple years younger than me. My grandmother lived in Tennessee. Somehow when my grandmother had come to visit me there in LA, she had met and become fairly close to a neighbor that lived beside me and my family with whom she had kept in contact with over the phone. She knew that I was being abused so the neighbor kept her informed about what was going on with me. Not too long after being back home in Tennessee, she planned and made another "unannounced" trip back to Louisianna and this time brought my uncle with her. Any time my mother would go out somewhere, she would leave me with the neighbor. The first time she left me with the neighbor, the neighbor called my grandmother and let her know that I was there and had arranged a "kidnapping" so to speak with my grandmother. My grandmother and uncle came and got me and took me all the way back up to Tennessee, where my grandmother became a wanted federal fugitive on the charge of "kidnapping" and remained wanted by the FBI for about a year and a half until, by careful planning from a lawyer she was using and a judge who was a long time family friend, got granted temporary custody of me and eventually won permanent custody and was able to adopt me. This battle was all over with by the time I was five years old. My biological mother was originally from Tennessee and moved back here with my brother and half sister shortly after that court battle. I'm 27 years old now and still to this day, even though my mother and brother and half sister all live in the same city as me, I have not made contact with them. My brother tried to cotact me when I turned 18 and I refused to talk to him on the phone because I hold him somewhat responsible (even though it is wrong) because he was about six years old and I was 3 and he never said a word to anyone about my abuse. My half sister however was only an infant and I have thought about her like crazy lately and thought about getting in contact with her. OK, here is the grand finale I have been working up to. Last week my grandmother (who I call mom now) informed me that she thought my half sister (which I think should be about 24 now) had been killed in a head on auto crash with a semi a few days before. My heart sank into my gut when I heard. I have been trying desperately to find an obituary or any info on this for days. Her name is Staci. My last name was originally Adams before I was adopted, so I kept searching for Staci Adams. My wife called me from work this morning and told me that she worked with a women that was related to the crash victim and she said it wasn't who I was looking for because the crash victim's name was Staci Lawson. Then it hit me that my biolical mother's maiden name was Lawson. I just knew for sure that my sis was dead at this point. I immediately starting doing seaches on this new name. Finally I had found the obituary. It turned out that this girl that was killed was indeed Staci Lawson, but this woman was 34 and not 24 and none of the family members listed in the funeral arrangements were anyone I knew. After all this stress, guilt, and down right feeling of awefulness I have been feeling, it was all a huge mistake. Talk about a ton of bricks lifted off my chest! I will now pursue my "living" little half sis. And perhaps my brother too, I don't know. Until my next entry, may all find you well.
Spousal Religious Issues
07:31 Oct 18 2006
Times Read: 714
This will be my first official entry into my journal. I wasn't really sure which issue I should tackle first because I have so many. After much pondering of the subject I have decided that I will go the religion route this time around. Heres what is on my mind. My wife was raised Baptist, I was raised Catholic. The fact is that all my life I have had my doubts about Chritianity all together or even religion period for that matter. I confronted my wife about my true feelings recently and needless to say she was very upset and it caused a horrible arguement between the two of us. Having the human need to somewhat be a follower, I have been feeling the need lately for some kind of religion. I have taken an interest in the practice of witchcraft. At first my wife was seemingly OK with this and I thought all was well. Over the last couple of weeks since I informed her of my beliefs and intentions, she has steadily became more and more withdrawn from me and she finally opened up about it. Her main concern is of course that I am going to go to Hell and will not spend eternity with her. I gave her the choice of leaving me without the least bit of blame on my part because under the Christian belief, she has every right. She said that she knows she will pay for her sins later but she will stay with me. It really bothers me that because of me, she is not remaining true to herself and her religion. Even though I shouldn't, I am feeling guilt for her not accepting my beliefs. I don't want or expect her to approve of them. I just want her to accept them. I support her in anything she does or wants to believe in and I expect nothing less from her. This is just one of the many issues I am struggling with at this point in time. If I have any more different thoughts on this subject at a later date, or if anything gets resolved, I will follow up on this entry and title it "Spousal Religious Issues Part 2" Ta ta for now.
A Beginning to "Journalhood"
06:53 Oct 18 2006
Times Read: 723
OK to be totally honest I haven't ever had any interest in writing in my journal or reading anyone elses until now. I have decided that I am going to start using my journal space to basically "vent" for lack of a better word. There are to me several different kinds of people on VR that I am associated with. There are some people that want to know me. There are a few people that think they know me. And there are a very select few people whom are amongst some of the people on my friends list that actually are on the right track to making progress in actually getting to know me and what I am all about. Those of you that do know me, well.....all I can say to you is that there are always things that you can learn of me because few if any know all there is to know about me and even though I am going to try and do my best to go into depth about myself in here, there are some things that no one but yours truly will ever know about me. For all the rest of you, if you really have an interest in getting to know me, then check back here regularly and this will assist you somewhat in that quest. I can be a very complex and complicated person at times. Even though I let it show very seldom, I am almost always in deep thought about something. I analyze almost everything, even the words that are spoken to me. I am going to attempt to write in here from this day on as often as I can remember about many different aspects of my life, from family life to sex life. From my thoughts on death to my thoughts on life and everything in between. When I feel the need I am even going to include things that are very random and you may not understand. Well, for the sake of eliminating as much sensless rambling as possible, I am going to end this entry now. See you in my next entry.
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