The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I had another dream last evening, and I sense it there tonight awaiting my return. This one in particular had always haunted me with is formless menace sliding in and out of my peripheral. Not quite tauntingly, but certainly 'it' was there to feed off me in some form.



I say 'it' because I dont know if its one creature or many. Its movement is so fast, so… fluid that I can never tell. A part of my mind that refuses to be cowed rationalizes anything fast enough to avoid my frantic visual scans to every corner of the room could also be in multiple places at once. It may possibly be only one of them.



I pray it is only one.



In my dream I know looking for it will do me no good. I breathe out a long breath and close my eyes slowly, partly from fear and partly in an attempt to calm myself.



Do not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Allow it to wash over me and through me so that I may adapt and overcome. Overcome or fade into oblivion you fool!



My jaw clinched, I reach out feeling for that which does not belong there. Envisioning my room, I listen to the echo of my heart beat dance back to me as it reverberates off the wall to my left.



I feel nothing.



Quietly gaining better purchase on my blanket, I turn my focus dead ahead to the far wall.



I sense nothing there either. Not that I expected it to be there. We both know this game, and we both know I only catch it when it lets me.



A small exclamation of victory whispers its triumph in the back of my mind as I turn expecting to face my tormentor. Eyes still closed.



Light as a feather I can feel a disturbance in the air against my neck... brushing over my shoulder, as I pull on my blanket, subconsciously seeking its false sense of warmth and security. Chastising myself for my weakness, I let loose my fingers as though waking from the dead. Fingers stiff and uncooperatively releasing my cotton fortress.



Another small victory chime goes off. We’d played this game too many times for me to awaken screaming like a child into the morning air. As the blanket falls to reveal sweat soaked skin, my strategy strengthens. Its attack has fault. Unpredictability has become its pattern. A pattern becomes a prison. If only my body would listen to what my soul tells my mind…



What is the next torture to be visited upon me this evening. There is no question more is to come, but could I anticipate the chess move and use it to my advantage? That was the question that recoils through me as I sat there.



Silence.



Well… silence if you discount my thoughts… Ahha! So this is the next one. Wait me out and let me exhaust myself with expectations.



Not me. Not tonight.



I’d read somewhere recently that to know yourself is to know your world. With this in mind, I let myself reflect on how I’ve been feeling. Breath in, breath out. Slowly now, no don’t think about it. Just be.



Flashes before my minds eye illuminate scenes of unrest. A woman gets up abruptly from her table at the coffee shop around the corner. Her companion looking on in bewilderment.



A bum is roused from his slumber in the park by a pack of rabid kids who’re using him as target practice for their rock throwing.



People lounge at the beach in an attempt to char their skin to some parody of societal beauty. The ocean moves without a ripple beyond them.



The ocean was calm.



I close my minds eye with this thought sitting in my throat like some sort of rotten meat.



The ocean is calm. I repeat this to myself sensing the significance. The ocean is calm, and the people are filled with disquiet.



I too am filled with disquiet, and have been for as long as I’ve been conscious.



Yet, the ocean is calm.