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Well, I finally got a ride to see my doctor, they gave me a flu shot, took some blood, and did an x-ray on my stomach. from what I read on my papers I have lumbar nerve root disorder, bladder wall thickening, chronic inflamed pancreas, an enlarged spleen and a fatty liver. it couldn't happen to a sweller dude than myself.

Damn if I'm not tired and sore all over, where I live they have inspection and now I'm tired from cleaning for state inspection. I can't wait for this shit to be over so I can rest my tired and weary bones. Well' Can't think of anything else to type about, goodnight VR.

Have you ever looked at a sun rise and wonder is this my last one..... I comptemplated that very thing this morning, I've been up since last night, I couldn't sleep. I'm sick, I'm tired, I'm bone weary, my body is betraying me, my mind is slipping, I've been having a nervous and mental break down, I have no one to talk to and I can't talk to my dad as I have no way of getting in touch with him, I miss my nephew...... I feel so old and so alone...... I can't even find a woman who loves me or wants me........ Aiden Savage is dying very slowly.

well, I've been real sick over the last few days, both my mom and step dad are also sick. I don't know what it is, probably the flu. on the first of this month I bought myself a desk top computer, it was $579 plus tax so I paid $649 for it, I'm very happy with it and I can start writing my book manuscripts again. in my last journal entry I wrote that I had a lot on my mind and I still do but I have to think before I write about the issue because its not my place to put the info out there and it not my business, but the person it pertains to I care about very deeply. an old friend of mine recently sent me a photo, it was a jail mug shot of Anna-leea Reddoch/Rider from July of this year, I don't know why she got arrested nor do I know the circumstances that led to the situation. I told him to delete the photo and to not send me that shit ever again. I'll admit we all do stupid things in life and we all make mistakes, there's a lot of things I've done in my life that I should have went to jail or prison for so I can't judge anyone, in Anna-leea's case however I will say this: I don't know what happened or what caused her to go to jail but hopefully she doesn't end up in jail again because she's a mom and has a young daughter, and that should be her main focal point which I'm sure it is and I'm sure she's a great mother. as I said her Life is none of my business and I'm not judging her, but I love and care deeply about Anna-leea and it saddened me to see her like that. in her recent snapchat posts she looks as beautiful as ever and she's always smiling, and I'm happy she's enjoying life, I'm very happy for her and I wish her the best. moving on from the subject, me myself I'm just living, I don't know if I'm enjoying life, I just try to make it from day to day. My nephew's death changed me and changed my life completely, and I haven't started living my own life because I've had to sacrifice my happiness and dreams and put my life on hold to help out other people but I'm heading down a different path towards starting my own life and making a better life for myself, its time I focused solely on myself, hell I've been single for 15 years and I'm just tired of being alone. I would love to have someone special in my life but I just don't know..... there is so many uncertainties in my life at the moment but I'm ready to make the changes needed to improve myself and my life. good night VR, thanks for listening to my crap.