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I know in my heart That I'm too far gone to be saved, hell has had a spot reserved for me since the day I was born,and all the pain,regret,hate,fear,stress,and hoplessness has been taking its toll on me,I losta big part of myself when I lost my Uncle Jimmy, and I regret loosing contact with him and not calling him more to tell him I loved him,I never got the chance to say goodbye,and I'lbare that guilt until I die.Anna-Leea Lynette Reddoch, her name sends a shiver down my spine,makes my blood boil,puts butterflies in the pit of my stomache,and makes my heart skip a beat,but I fucked it all up didn't I, burned that bridge to the ground while standing on it.All I wanted to do was tell her how I felt about her and I did that and more.......I messed up and now I'm paying for it. Goodbye VampireRave,I doubt I'll be miss ed on here,I'm jus another Statistic in a long list of them,Aiden Savage is dead and so is his Caira Mia...............

Well,laid my Uncle to rest last Wednesday ,had a few surprises, he asked to be cremated.Going back to Houston, to the area in which I grew up brought back a lot of memories I just don't need to have in my mind at the moment, the hardest thing to see was my Aunt Naomi break down and cry, I don't know if I'll ever be the same again.

Tomorrow is my Uncles funeral,i'm dreading going because I have to go to his and my Aunts house before going to the funeral but it will be empty of his laughter and his warm and smiling presence, he was always standing beside me at family funerals but now its his. With him I bury the last of my happy memories and childhood with him and walk into the cold dark abyss of the next chapter of my life.

Well,2018 has finally arrived but still I have a heavy heart,to be so truly,madly ,and deeply in love with someone you know you'll never be with,I'll finish that part in a minute . One thing that is heavily on my heart is that my Uncle James ''Jimmy'' Uhyrek past away two days after Christmas, He'd been battling cystic fiberosis and leukemia sinc he was a child,he was in his 50's when he past away,he was a big part of my life growing ip, he was in the last stages of cystic fiberosis and his lungs gave out on him,so he opted to go home to god, I have to go to his funeral on the 11th of this month, I'm just so lost at the moment, I just don't want to be in this world right now. Just like what I posted at the top of this entry, I'm so truly,madly ,and deeply in love with a woman that doen't love me,and I'll never be with her.I just don't know whether to give up or keep trying.