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It's been forever and I have no idea what suddenly made me log into VR.



I guess I miss a time when everything was simpler.

When I was 17 and was just in the process of what... self discovery? And thought I had friends on here. Well, at the time... those people, they mattered. And I wish I hadn't lost touch with them. I wish we had remained friends.



I often think back on those days.

That year when I first signed up on VR, I was lonely and very depressed. I had taken a year off high school on doctor's orders. VR honestly helped me heal and gave me some life energy back.



Well... I guess that's why I miss it.



10 years later and I'm completely lost.

I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, I feel like I'm just...decomposing. Day by day.

Like I'm waiting for my turn to die.



I think about that a lot, death.

Sometimes, most of the time, I wish I could just... fade.

I'm so over life. So over being me.

10 years later and I'm feeling alone again.



This was not meant to become a depressing journal entry. Guess it just happened.

I should write more. Write instead of keeping things locked up. I used to do that more often, writing. Now it seems that I've kinda given up on that too.



Everything is just darkness, see?

And it's messed up to still be using words like that. Words that are better suited for a 17 year old.



I'm 27 now. I'm supposed to have my life together. I'm supposed to be... some kind of adult.

But I'm so very far from being who I want to be.

I feel like I've wasted my life.

Might as well end it.

Yeah.



(Not going too, though. I'm the only person, semi-adult, that my son has to care for him)

I guess that's what keeps me breathing.

COMMENTS

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TheHaunted
20:24 Sep 20 2014

life is hard or can be hard at times..

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myricle
01:48 Sep 21 2014

theres always a light in the tunnel. when one door closes another opens fate and life just wants u to look for that door.

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sahahria
17:15 Sep 27 2014

Definitely write it out, but don't over focus on it too much.



How is your boy?

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DireConsequences
15:17 Dec 18 2014

I get it. I'm in about the same boat. I try not to focus on it. Its hard,I possible on some days. Keep moving forward, babe. I'm not sure how this path ends but heck, its better then sitting still. *snuggles*

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