The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Wow
22:24 Mar 30 2008
Times Read: 718

I actually feel happy



I had almost forgotten this light, tingly feeling.



I love my son, he is the wonder that brings a meaning to my life.



♥



I don't seem to have anything interesting to say these days... my life is all about Ryan...



ah well... sucks for you :P

04:40 Mar 24 2008
Times Read: 735

Ryan woke me up at 4 am...



At least, Yendor has downloaded Lost season 3 for me so we're gonna watch it now :D

I'm driving myself crazy
11:11 Mar 20 2008
Times Read: 742

Play.com is having a huge sale... Obviously I am dying to increase my book and dvd collection, there is just too much good stuff out there!!!



I want to own all the classics like Labyrinth, Wizard of Oz, Never ending story...



Then there are the Tim Burton movies...



Not to mention all the vamp classics like Lost Boys!



Oh, and beautiful movies like Moulin Rouge, Tipping the velvet..



And all the Disneys!!!





AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH



And Yendor is boring telling me not to overspend :(



Oh bleh.

The wonder that is Ryan
12:11 Mar 18 2008
Times Read: 756








He is such an loving, quiet, happy, active, sociable, observing and confident little boy... And I am dying to see the how his personality will develop.



Everyday with him is the best day in my life, I love putting him in the sling and take a long walk with him, if only to see him quietly observing everything...



And I love the moments when he's breastfeeding, I start singing, he looks up at me and smiles... Or when he just lets off the breast for a minute to look at me and smile... How he searches for me when he is in someone else's arms...How he takes my hand and smiles...How he moves closer to me at night when we're sleeping in our favorite face-to-face position, all cuddled up together... How he sleepily looks for the breast at night... How he lifts his head looking around, smiling at me every morning when I put him on my tummy, how he goes crazy looking up at the ceiling, almost laughing with joy and talking sometimes when I'm changing his nappy... How he smiles so sweetly at strangers...



...And how we dance together to Britney Spears... (you can start laughing now :P)





I Adore my little boy ♥



And I can't wait to bring more little babies to the world now... it's worth everything, everything!!!





I will upload more recent pictures of him soon, in this one he is not even 2 months, and by now he's nearly 5 months... o.O

He's growing up so quickly... And he has lost much of that lovely hair!! His hair is much lighter now, my color... And his eyes are a shade of blue... :)

The bad thing about having a baby
10:06 Mar 18 2008
Times Read: 758

... You can count on not having a restful sleep for a loooooooooong time.



He sleeps through the night but wakes up regularly looking for the breast, last night he wouldn't stop waking up...



.. which means mommy is drained of energy today...



... and there is so much to clean :(





but... I love him, Yendor made him laugh for the first time yesterday! :D

06:39 Mar 16 2008
Times Read: 768

I was recommended by a nurse to try a medicine called motilium to increase my milk supply...

It is used for nausea and vomiting, but it has this side effect of stimulating milk production...



It says to give it some time, meaning days or weeks, for it to start working... but amazingly enough although I've only been on it since yesterday I already feel more loaded!!!



:D

I'm not creative enough to come up with a headline
16:03 Mar 13 2008
Times Read: 777

I love my boy above everything...

but I miss my life :(



It's partly my fault, I don't feel comfortable leaving him with anyone because he needs my constant presence, and honestly I go more crazy without him than I do with him.



He falls asleep by breastfeeding, no one else can give that to him but me... and no one else knows him like me. No one believes in the way I have chosen to parent him... Everyone, including my own mother, finds my high touch, co-sleeping style a bit odd.... Oh well. I don't believe in cots, prams, formula feeding or anything that doesn't allow body contact... through this I have really gotten to know him, I know his every mood and can anticipate his signals, I can read his needs clearly and he trusts me to give him what he needs... me.



I put him down a few times during the day too play with him though. I've stopped caring about what people think about this, it feels right and to me it is the right approach.



Back to the problem - I can't leave him with anyone because I have no one to leave him with. In Sweden I could trust him with my mother, which I will for a little when I go there... I need to spend time with my sister, she's turning 13 in 2 weeks... teenage years are coming.





Btw, the last couple of days Ryan has been extremely interested in what I put in my mouth and he is hungry all the time, the milk doesn't seem to be satisfying him... He used to eat 3-4 times a day of 7oz... Today he ate about 16 oz in 6 hours...



I think he needs to begin with solids, but I am clueless at how to start with it... I have spoon fed him some milk thickened with cereals but perhaps I am not doing enough... advice would be appreciated...





Enough baby talk... I am totally obsessed with Sweeney Todd, even more than with Phantom of the Opera... It's crazy, I watch it every day when the baby is sleeping or just leave it on while I clean... EVERYTHING about that movie is so perfect, I think it's my absolute favorite one.



Yummy Johnny Depp O:)



Ok, Ryan just fell asleep so I am off to read.

14:51 Mar 12 2008
Times Read: 789

Mommy has been busy lately... But me and Ryan are doing well :)



My hormones are telling me to get pregnant again... uh oh. lol



I am DYING to experience pregnancy, giving birth and holding a newborn again... but we are going to wait until my boy is 2 years old before we start trying for another one... cause after the age of 3 kids are more likely to accept a new baby without feeling left out, if you do it right, that is.



I can't wait... and I hope it will be a girl this time, we have already decided for the name Cassandra Victoria... (Victoria after me, Ryan's middle name Charles comes from Yendor...)



If it's another boy...oh well, I want to have 3 children... at least O:)



Practicing attachment parenting with Ryan is tough though, he is a big boy... already weighing 8kg which makes it tough to carry him around all the time... but luckily I have the sling and I love keeping him close, plus cleaning and taking walks while carrying him really gives me some good daily exercise... I am already down from 75kg to 61kg... My goal is to weigh 55, I weighed 57 when I got pregnant...



I am still feeling guilty about not breastfeeding, but time heals all wounds and luckily I still have enough milk to nurse him to sleep...

With the next baby, I won't make the mistake of losing out on breastfeeding again... or attempting to put him or her to sleep in the cot... I'm gonna do what I should have done with Ryan from the beginning, put the baby by my breast and let it stay there 24 hours a day...



At least I am doing my best to make up for what we lost, I believe he is attached to and trusts me...



I took a sigh of relief this morning when Yendor told me he won't pressure me to make Ryan sleep on his own by 6 months... He finally decided to trust me with what I'm doing and bear with it... I know he misses me and I miss him to, but this is only a short period of our lives... and such an important time for the baby to be as close to me as possible, I don't see anything wrong with him sleeping in our bed... but I don't talk about t, even with my own parents, because they always have comments on my wrong doings... But bleh on them cause it's my child and I know what I am doing.



I am going to Sweden with Ryan in April :)





Oh well... he woke up now so I'm off for a walk with him...



Hope everyone out there is doing well. :)



♥