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Too depressed to even bother
13:28 Apr 29 2008
Times Read: 727

Sigh.



Life is boring, I am boring



All I know is it would be nice to be alone with a box of chocolate and then jump into the grave.



I can't even breathe today :(



I feel so lonely, desperate and overwhelmed with responsibility.



Most of all I'm just sick of myself.

Why can't there be a chocolate diet??
15:35 Apr 28 2008
Times Read: 737

I am drinking water and herbal teas, chewing gum and munching on carrots...



but I still want chocolate!!!



Life without chocolate sucks,

but life being fat sucks too.



What is worse, that is the question...



Oh, and throw in a coke while you're at it.

I'm a cheater
09:59 Apr 28 2008
Times Read: 741

57,5 kg



I am on my way to look like a stick.



The diet seems so be working although I cheated a loooot during my last days in Sweden, but who can resist Swedish sweets?



I am allowing myself to have a slice of brown bread in the morning, mostly because I've noticed the lack of fiber in my diet is affecting my... system.



But I haven't eaten rice, pasta or potatoes for nearly a week now and I feel MUCH better (apart from the lack of fiber then...)



But I've realized it's not really that I don't like my bodyshape, it's more that I want muscles... nooow!



Oh god I'm gonna have to go back to bed, I am still tired after yesterday's adventures, first I flew back from home and then Ryan was baptized... I don't even have energy to shop, ha ha ha. Better rest while the baby is.

Shopaholic!
19:13 Apr 24 2008
Times Read: 753

I don't even want to say how much I'm spending here...but it's SO worth it!



This will sound so materialistic but I feel PRETTY again! I am buying MYSELF pretty tops, shoes and accessories and now that I've begun... I can't stop! I officially have fashion mania!



I even bought myself a pink top today o.O



I

am

feeling

so

wonderfully

pretty



I don't care how much money I'll end up saying byebye too, I want this feeling to last, I am even feeling slim, back at my old weight... (yes the diet is working, even though I am still allowing myself a small amount of carbs in the shape of fruit and some sugar in my tea, I just cant have it without sugar... AND a cup of ovaltine once a day... but other than that, NO carbs for me baby and it is making me feel so clean and fresh)





I AM PRETTY!!!!!!!!!!

Low Carb High Fat
21:53 Apr 21 2008
Times Read: 760

I am going to try out this diet for a month starting from tomorrow, combining with a 30-60 min powerwalk every day and some random exercises.



I have been standing still at 59 kg forever and I am sick of it... Well, I do look good but I could lose more and I am going to.



I am hoping to be at 55kg by the end of May...



Wish me luck!

03:04 Apr 19 2008
Times Read: 770

Oh crap I am feeling too crappy to correct my many spelling mistakes.

Spoiled my ass
03:00 Apr 19 2008
Times Read: 774

We arrived, we survived.



Now I cant sleep cause itts hot and I have a headache.



Everything is going well, I love home and wouldnt return to Malta if it wasnt for Yendor... Not that I dont like it there, but this is home.



My mother is already expressing concerns about how I am spoiling the baby, not in a bad way though and understandably she is just worried about me exhausting myself and never getting time off... its true, but bonding with your child demands hard work and I am determined to keep this up cause I know it will pay off.



Tomorrow Im going to visit my father, brother Adrian and sister Nicole.... honestly I much prefer it here but a visit is mandatory... and oh boy will I hear the phrase you are spoiling him.



Well... for them who are the complete opposite of attachment parenting I understand that Ryan sleeping with me (even during naps since he tends to wake up if I go away, and I know it is not due to a habit since anyone who was around at that time can confirm that he couldnt sleep alone), him hating the buggy, being carried by me and rarely leaving my side... Id never put him in a swing and just leave him to himself!, can cause them to believe that...



Oh yes, but then take into account that Nicole misbehaves on a daily basis, thats a result of non AP.



But the their mother decided to just stop breastfeeding when Adrian reached 4 months, she went oh joy he is finally 4 months, stopped drastically to gime him the breast and is EVEN taking pills to STOP her flow.



And here I am taking pills to INCREASE it... Ironic, eh?



I made that mistake when I switched to bottles during a pessuring and non-informative time... not to mention being convinced by them (sigh)... the result was my milk nearly drying up and Ryan becoming very fussy... Yes, he NEEDS to be in constant touch with my breast during sleepy-time and rarely falls asleep another way, so what? If he still wants it I will do that even when he is 4 yours old.



He will wean himself off when he is ready, just like he will stay calm in the buggy, sleep alone when he feels ready to take the step... Independence cant be forced upon babies, only encouraged when they are more aware.



I will never understand the crying it out method and parents who practise it are in my eyes cruel and unable to understand a babys needs... though I know many do it due to desperation and pressure from society.





Bla... after having written all this I still dont feel tired enough to go back to sleep... damn this headache.





Anyway... I do not judge other parents, it is their child and they do what they think is for the best. I am just expressing my opinions here, please dont be offended and take it personally...





I am off to get an aspirin.



Siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

Flying home
06:47 Apr 16 2008
Times Read: 787

Me and Ryan are off to Sweden this morning, we'll be boarding the plane in a few hours and I am soooo nervous, praying that he'll sleep most of the way...



The flight takes 4 hours and the I have to sit on a bus for another 80 min, ble.



It feels wrong going without Yendor... We'll be missing him like crazy :(



But it's only for 10 days so...



And even more ble is that I don't even have money hahaha no shopping for mommy... :(





Oh well... wish me luck

There's nothing like homemade
14:29 Apr 09 2008
Times Read: 802

Mummy Adora is trying out healthy recipes created with imagination in hope to make something more delicious and nutritious than you find at the grocer's... and to save money.



One of my main goals with Ryan is to teach him healthy eating habits.



So, I am experimenting with alternatives to the boring old white bread and fatty cakes...



... and my first homemade bread is a yummy success! :D



Here it is...



Wholewheat flour

Rye flour

Linseed

Sunflower seeds

Some plain, low fat and sugar free yogurt to replace most of the oil/butter

Some skimmed milk or water

A little melted vegetable (non saturated fat) butter for the taste, and a little honey for the same reason.

Baking powder



Just mix it all and into the oven it goes for about 40 minutes, use your nose and eyes :p



Next time I think I'll add some pumpkin seeds too... yummy





Recipe for tomorrow is cinnamon buns made healthy...



Wholewheat flour

Linseed

Soy milk

Honey or fructose sugar instead of regular white

Cinnamon

Cardamom

Yeast

Some apples for the stuffing



Then I have a problem because ideally I would use Kesella which is Swedish and very low fat product, replacing most or all of the butter and much yummier... It's kinda like ricotta or cottage cheese but in a creamy substance and a bit thicker.



So, I'll either have to give in to the butter or try something crazy... like yogurt, it worked with the bread so...





Ah, how I love to experiment with food! In another life, I'd be a cook :P

Progress
13:26 Apr 09 2008
Times Read: 810

58,5kg



I am 1,5kg away from my pre-pregnancy weight!



And I am honestly doing nothing in particular other than eating healthy and taking walks with Ryan.



Only difference is, my muscles have gone bye-bye :(



I've began doing some exercises at home, but there's only so much you can do without actual weights... although a 9kg baby is perfect when working the legs :P

It's more the arm and shoulder area I can't work.





The autumn before I got pregnant I had for the first time began to exercise regularly (3-4 times/week) and actually enjoying it...I got addicted, but then BOOM, and nausea really puts you off exercising... In 2nd trimester though I did do yoga and swimming, I like to believe the yoga was the trick behind my quick delivery.



I miss going to Body Pump classes, is way better than doing push ups by yourself in you room.

And yoga... and aerobics... and even spinning.

*sigh*



In Sweden I could bring my mother with me to watch Ryan while I do my thing, but here it's impossible... Unless I join the mummy/baby gym, but they have one class/week, what the hell does that do for you? I need at least 3 times!



This sucks.



I told Yendor that I want to buy some equipment, like weights, his response was: "I'll get you stones"



Ha

ha

fucking HA!





Bleh :(

http://adora87.blogspot.com/
07:47 Apr 09 2008
Times Read: 816

This is were I'll be posting for the most part now. :)

My handsome little gentleman
12:00 Apr 07 2008
Times Read: 842

...The future "Gerard"



Watch out all little baby girls out there :P

With risk of making Yendor jealous
11:55 Apr 07 2008
Times Read: 842

I had the most pleasant dream last night which left me with butterflies, feeling all tingly... I woke up from it too quickly.



What it was about?

Let's just say...

♥♥♥♥♥♥

♥♥♥♥♥♥

♥♥♥♥♥♥

Your account balance is 0
09:18 Apr 06 2008
Times Read: 849

I am officially POOR!



o.O



...Until the next load of cash drops into my account in about 2 weeks :P



I just paid the rent and now I have nada...



I am going to Sweden on Wednesday for 11 days, I have SO looked forward to going and shopping for Ryan... :(



I was going to go to the dentist as well but that will have to wait.





We'll see how much pocket money I'll get from Yendor...



I feel like a kid again



Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Shop-for-the-baby-Aholic
19:38 Apr 05 2008
Times Read: 861

My mummy says he laughs like me...







My little Dumbo ♥









Today I bought him...







and...







(and not to mention a few items at the health store... ♥ organic food)





Yendor is gonna kill me for spending so much o.O

All this damn talk about peanuts
12:54 Apr 05 2008
Times Read: 870

Yeeaaa, I know I'm obsessed.

I'm a very extreme person, what is moderation anyway?

It's either this way or another...

I am also very childish and impulsive, and let's not forget oversensitive.



Oh, and I am supposed to raise a little boy?



Good luck... and thank god for Yendor and his undying love and patience.



Enough already, this is the real reason why I am posting this entry:





https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ibDGZWOOKk

18:32 Apr 04 2008
Times Read: 877

It's peanut butter jelly time.



:P

Highly nutritious but fatty fat fat
11:09 Apr 03 2008
Times Read: 902

Peanut butter is my new friend.



*munching on my 2nd sandwich*

Why?
09:33 Apr 03 2008
Times Read: 906

Life is so damn expensive and it's pissing me off.

There's always something that needs to be bought, be it nappies, batteries, milk, whatever and the total sum at the end of the week is horrifying!



It leaves no room to buy anything you want, I haven't bought anything for myself lately... I find time to shower once every three days, face masks and exfoliators are a thing of the past, I have cut down to using the cheapest soaps and shampoos and my skin feels so dry and dead :(



I've been putting off buying myself muesli for the past few days cause it costs and going with only a salad sandwich for breakfast...



I buy the cheapest tea even though Twinings is my all time favorite... I never by quorn cause it's so damn expensive.



I am sitting here feeling extremely guilty about having bought a packet of 8 batteries for 12$...



I am even questioning going to Sweden this month, plane tickets cost and not to mention the money I'll spend there...



This all makes me so unhappy.



We're not poor but we're far from rich and considering the cost of living in this country... it way outbalances the wages here.

I am getting a certain amount of money for renting out my apartment in Sweden, but that money is used to pay our rent here... leaving me with no money but a shitty children's allowance (which needs to be spent on milk and nappies anyway)

and being totally dependent on Yendor's money and I HATE it.



I've already spent nearly a 100$ of his money this week.



And Ryan needs toys...

Ebay, here I come.





How far can you go??



This is so depressing, I miss my school days when I had 150$/month and didn't have to spend on rent, bills, food (even though I did buy me healthy food stuff cause mom couldn't)... I should have saved more, I've always been a spender... Now I am forced to be a saver.



I've never felt so bad about buying batteries before... I wish I could return them, it's gonna haunt me now.



At least I can take quality pictures of Ryan now and not mobile phone ones... And the clock in the kitchen is working...



No Premium Membership for me.



Sigh :'(

Save the earth!
13:42 Apr 01 2008
Times Read: 920

...it's the only planet with chocolate



Why can't I stop munching on this delicious, creamy chocolate? Oh, right, might be because it's d e l i c i o u s!

Yummy.



How do you lose weight with all these temptations surrounding you?



I still have 3 kg to go to reach my pre-pregnancy weight, although my goal is to lose another 5...



I guess ditching the chocolate and exercising more is the answer, but it's sooooo haaaard :P



Neh, I'm not doing anything in particular beside eating healthy (ok, with an occasional chocolate bar... like 1 ever 2 days... O:)) and walking carrying Ryan around, lifting him up in the air for those extra muscle stretches :p



He's started to eat cereals for real now, a cup a day before his bottle, ending with some breast for dessert :)



I bought fennel tea today since I've read that it supposingly helps the milk supply...







I am sick of not having a PM but I don't want to spend money on that, I need to save as much as possible, I'm becoming an expert on cooking cheap and healthy :) today it's bean and tomato sauce with rice... yummy



I'm not even buying books anymore and downloading any movie I want instead of buying... it's soooo not the same thing but it is necessary...



the cost of living is so high, especially with a baby... I wish I had saved more during my life... but meeeh, I'm starting now... having a baby changed my perspective of things.



Enough of my babbling I'm off to read while Ryan is sleeing...in my arms, of course. :)



He really can't sleep well without being close to me, but he's been like that from the first day... I remember staying in bed with him most of the days, either feeding him or napping with him, as soon as I tried to move and leave him alone he would wake up crying and looking for me... still does and probably will for the next years to come, I have a feeling I'll be breastfeeding him to sleep even when he's 3 years old...lol



not that I mind, I love it and don't see a problem with it, everyone else does, but I've learned not to bother with what anyone thinks and just go with what's right for my baby. :)



I can't believe he is already 5 months, soon he'll be crawling and then running after me calling mama, mama, mama in polish... :D





I hope all of you are well, I miss speaking to someone else but Yendor...



♥

Ryan the little king
13:00 Apr 01 2008
Times Read: 930






He's 5 months today and nearly sitting up all by himself! :D