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A blood lust is the best way to describe my moods of late. I wish to fight, tear throats out and dance in the gruesome scene that I've created. I'm angry with the world in a terrible trap that's making me go mad in a sense I never knew. All I see is images of red and black filled with only passion and hate. I don't understand this feeling nor this transition from being relatively happy to filled with resentment.

How can I put my life in a man's hands who takes all I am for granted. Maybe I'm wrong but I do feel like I'm nothing more then a glorified house wife who's life belongs to another that refuses to help me move forward. Wish I could see into his mind to see his true plans.

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TheVampyreNico
20:24 Jun 19 2013

You just answered your own riddle lol you just have to act on it the best way you can an be with the one that truly makes you feel alive an free an open.

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Well newest lesson life has to offer me is that I can't watch my friends keep trying to put themselves in body bags nor have anyone I trusted around. My stuff goes missing and they keep going back to guys that beat them. I don't get it either I've grown up and can't deal with the bull shit anymore or I can't watch another of my friends end up in a body bag because of an abusive boyfriend. I feel awful but can't deal with the stress nor guilt of not doing enough even though I know there's nothing I can do. I'm so tired of watching people I love put themselves in this situation and have my hands tied I just don't know how to cope outside of moving on in my life and leaving them behind cuz all they do is hold me down :(

Why do ppl message you saying hey whats up, what doin sexy or how are you only for you to reply and the next thing they say is f*** off?

Did I miss something???

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deathnitegrl
22:36 May 09 2013

I used to receive sexual messages n said I wasn't interested. I got a fuck off back. Very mature, very.

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Adessa
04:53 May 11 2013

I don't get it they said friends were fine then said fuck off its so stupid

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I've been reading this book for a few days now and have learned a lot, somethings I've simply forgotten. More importantly I'm remembering who I am. Sure this book is suppose to help with writing but it's reminding me of the pieces of myself I've lost along the years. I hate saying it (mainly because I've just figured it out) but I can't remember the last time I was 100% happy, not miserable but happy enough not to notice the slow change in me occurring. I've lost the "music" of who I am and have been "Muzak" for way too long. (For those who may not know "Muzak" is music without swing,groove,rhythm) I've forgotten how to live not just survive but truly live. I guess once I became a survivor for so long I lost myself and my rhythm, I became a shell. Because of the way Joel "talks on paper" I remembered the reason why I wrote in the first place! Not for others opinions nor to be published or acknowledged but because I was free. I was able to write about my pains and deal with them better, I also always found that I had a great deal of self discovery in my writings.

I hope with this new discovery, my writers block will be completely abolished, and my poems and stories be as good as ever. :)

I've reached writers block and decided to pick up a book about how to write.

A lesson in it is to write for 2 min. Just stop thinking "I can't" and start writing whatever comes to your head. Don't worry about grammar or spelling at first just write.

This is what I came up with

"Beautiful day

nothing to do

board as hell

feeling alone and depressed what could I do

to cheer me up but write a story

of a long lost world where myth and legend are real

before humans were smart

before language or the pyramids were even a dream

A story that could make my boredom and depression end

where I can invent my own friends and reality in which

I can live forever in my own head and happiness."



It's then that I realize how I'm really feeling. I have a better life then I ever thought myself having, however I miss my friends or the ones I thought were my friends. I've lived in a new city for 3 years and still haven't made real friends. Either my idea of respect is too high or people aren't like me. So I believe depressed is the wrong word but I can't think of a better word to describe my feelings. I live in a gilded cage as my mother calls it by my own choosing and fear. Guess my writers block is caused by the same thing FEAR and lack of happy people.



Great lesson.



If anyone is interested in the book its called "If you can talk, you can write" by Joel Saltzman



It also gave me a great idea on how to continue the stories I'm writing