☺ Hello ☺
I am exploring the dark world for new friends and for a greater understand of himself.
I harbor a dark side, but wear the facade of a conservative, professional, white collar guy. I have a fascination of things gothic, a love of the macabre and a desire to be open and free. Things that go bump in the night have interested me since my youth. Reading Bram Stoker's Dracula had a profound effect on me, as did other literature from the gothic era, Emily Bronte and Mary Shelley.
I am a child of the 60's and 70's - yet another soul searching for what is “real”... for happiness, romance, sex, meaning, permanence, acceptance, success, excitement, answers, questions... whatever.
Physical description: 5' 11 1/2", 194#, sandy brown hair, blue eyes, fairly well built.
Happy some of the time, sometimes even animated. Rather melancholy of late.
Toaism and philosopies revolving around respect for self, for Mother Earth and for her peoples, interest me. I am a fan of Aristotle, and am trying to live the 'examined life' -- in moderation of course.
I love to hike, camp, garden, read, write poetry, try to play my guitar. I study Hapkido (a Korean style of karate), Haidung Gumdo (a Korean samurai sword art), philosophy, Chinese history and Mandarin Chinese. I golf. I love the theatre, both professional and amature, and would one day love to go to NY to see some plays. I worship Shakspeare, have read all of his plays at least twice - favorites are A Midsummer's Night Dream and Romeo and Juliet.
I have a love for things beautiful - be it natural scene, paintings (I love the impressionists esp. Monet and Degas) and sculpture ( esp. Michelangelo), a wonderful person, a sensual photograph, or a lazy sunset.
I frequently feel hollow and empty at times, I wish that I were more connected with God or who ever or what ever is out there. I am religious, but only to a point of convenience; however, I feel that I am deeply spiritual. I spend more time just trying to figure myself out than I do trying to figure out the cosmos. Is this all I am? Is this all that there is? There has got to be more… right???
I recycle. Hope you do too.
I am in the US Army Reserves, and have recently returned from 4 months in Landstuhl, Germany where it was my honor to help the wounded who were coming back from Iraq.
I love Johnny Cash - see picture far below.
Any questions, please ask...
“The unexamined life is not worth living.
The unexamined life is the unthinking life.
If it is without thinking then it is a life without meaning.
The curious thing about the unexamined life and it being the unthinking life
is that you don’t realize that you are not thinking.”
~anonymous
First Kiss
Antagonizing pleasure
Placed upon my lips
Where dreams come true
In just one kiss!
Sharing an afternoon of ecstasy
Closing the door on reality
Not even the thickest iceberg
Could melt the lust I feel inside!
I shed my fears faster than my clothes
The anticipation begins to unfold
My heart begins to pound faster
As you come closer
Just one look from your eyes
And I become hypnotized
A river of sins, to which I concede
Just one kiss, caused the undoing of me!
Your lips gently pressed against mine
A silent submission of tongues intertwined
My mouth tenderly pressed against yours
My voice trembles as you start to explore
Electric shocks as your tongue touches mine
An erotic dance of passing time
My heart's racing as fast as yours
My body's craving for something more!
Starving and Craving
For an evening
Of erotic bliss
Where dreams come true
In Just One Kiss.
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
~Albert Einstein
The object of life's journey is not too arrive at the grave safely
in a well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways,totally worn out, shouting
"HOLY SHIT, WHAT A RIDE!!!!!!!!!"
What is your name?:
Maxx
How old are you?:
46 yo - and my knees know it.
What is your B-Day & zodiac sign?:
3/3/60 - Pisces, born the year of the Rat.
Where have you lived?:
UT, NC, AR, KS, Germany, Taiwan.
What is your race?:
I am of German heritage.
What is your worst fear?:
Being betrayed by someone I trust or love, (or meeting Paris Hilton – gag!.)
Most terrifying moment?:
Hasn't happened yet, and hopefully Ms. Hilton will stay the hell out of Utah.
Do you smoke?:
No - bad habit. Ruins your health. 1/3rd of all cancers are smoking related. Smoking is the single most preventable cause of death and disease. Cigarettes cause more than 400,000 lives lost every year in the U.S.-- over 1200 each day -- and $50 billion annually in lost productivity and increased health care costs.
Do you drink?:
Rarely. (I am trying to collect shot glasses from Hard Rock Cafes around the world.)
Do you cuss?:
Some, invariably at work. Never around the kids.
Do you use drugs?:
Never have, never will - just ain't right.
Are you dependable and/or trustworthy?:
Yes to both.
Do you play in a band or play an instrument?:
Love to sing. Starting to learn Guitar - wish I had started when I was a kid, playing in a band has always been a fantasy for me.
Do you suffer from depression disorder?:
If Melancholia counts, then yes.
How would you want to die?
In bed, (either of old age, surrounded by family and friends; or after or even during some great, ground shaking, tie me up and spank me silly monkey sex.)
Have you ever purposely caused harm to yourself or someone else?:
No, not my thingie.
What subculture do you belong too?:
None, I am my own subculture, what e'er that may be.
Are you evil?:
Evil, no. Wicked? Yes.
Do you believe that you can be possessed?:
Only if you allow it happen.
Are you a paranoid?:
Only at work.
Favorite TV shows?:
As a kid, Dark Shadows, and The Night Stalker, (anyone remember that one?) Now-a-days, no time for TV other than watching Desperate Housewives with the kids Sunday nights.
Do you ever get jealous of somebody else?:
Occasionally there are those who followed paths that I wanted to, but did not follow. Of them I am envious. I am also jealous of those who are socially engraced, though I am generally not a jealous sort of person.
Are you obsessive and/or compulsive?:
Some days very much so, usually not.
Are you a violent or an aggressive person?:
Aggressive? No. I do enjoy violence, such as in sparring. However, in a real life situation, I will avoid it unless required to protect myself, family, or others.
Do you take your anger out on other people?:
Rarely… and if I do, I feel very guilty and don't sleep well for a couple of nights.
Do you blame other people for your mistakes?:
I am my own master.
Who is your favorite band?:
Evanescence, No Doubt, Aerosmith, AC/DC, Kiss, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd (Dark Side of the Moon is the best album ever created!), Rush, Pearl Jam and the like. I'm a big Beatles fan. I am starting to get into The Killers. I also love Beethoven - especially his 9th symphony, Samual Barber, Rimsky-Korsakoff and Berlioz especially his Symphony Fantastique - do give it a listen, the 4th Movement: "March to the Scaffold" lets you hear his head being cut off and fall into a basket, and the Fifth Movement: "Dream of a Witches' Sabbath", has intense creepy music, some of which was used in Sleeping with the Enemy.
What is your favorite song?:
Stairway to Heaven, Hey Jude, Let It Be, Wake Me Up.
What kind of books do you read?:
Books that I find fun, and those that I find challenging: Fantasy (I read Tolkein yearly), Sci Fi, History, Classical Lit... anything really. Just read Wicked and Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister'by McGuire, and am reading Ghost Soldiers and Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell - great reads. I also enjoy the Lemony Snickett series.
Do you watch wrestling?:
'Professional' wrestling, no way... No-holds-barred fighting, yes!
Do you study martial arts?:
Hapkido. Did some Karate and Kung Fu also.
Would you ever kill yourself or someone else?:
Myself, no way, too much to live for. Others, only if the situation required it. (Ever read Stephen King's Novel The Dead Zone?)
Are you kinky and do you like biting?:
Yes and Absolutely.
What do you sleep in?:
Flannel PJs or nothing at all.
Do you watch porn?
Sure, a pic of my favorite porn star, Ai Iijima, is down below.
Do you like to write poetry?:
Very much so. Currently it is one of the few areas that I can let my creative juices flow.
Do you like to do your own photography?:
Yes. I love my digital camera, and I still use a 100% manual SLR camera - nothing automatic.
Do you like modeling and/or acting?:
I love acting - the theater is a passion for me. I'm just too busy to do it right now. I am too ugly for modeling.
Do you stand for originality and creativity?:
Absolutely. Life without creativity and originality is for sheep, and there is a ton of them out here in Utah, behind the "Zion curtain." Baa, Baa, Baa...
Do you believe in witchcraft?:
I have a deep respect for Wicca and practitioners of Magick.
Have you ever used a Ouija board or tarot cards?:
I have a tarot deck I occasionally read from. (The Starter Tarot Deck, teeheehee.)
Do you like to rave or go to clubs often?:
No - in the 70's I did go to Disco clubs, (wearing an Angel Flight suit no less), now I'd rather get to bed early.
Do you like meeting new people and hanging out?:
I'm shy, especially so in a crowd. Whether at a party or in a chat room - I fib to myself - stating that I am happy just lurking about. Honestly, I would love to meet new people, but it is hard for me to initiate a conversation.
What do you like most about life?:
That I am part of it.
What do you dislike most about life?:
That I have very little control.
What stone do you like the most?
The Winter Diamond.
Do you believe in love at first fright?:
For the longest time, no. I must confess, now, that I do.
The future cannot be predicted,
but futures can be invented.
~ Dennis Gabor
"Living is Easy with eyes closed,
misunderstanding all you see..."
~ John Lennon
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
~ JRR Tolkein
Here's a great translation of the Tao Te Ching
"Yet mystery and reality
emerge from the same source.
This source is called darkness."
The 5 Reiki principles:
1. Just for today, I will not worry.
2. Just for today, I will not anger,
or at least find the source of this anger and tend to it.
3. Just for today, I will work to my best and give it my all.
4. Just for today, I will be kind to all living things.
5. Just for today, I will be thankful and give thanks
for at least one thing.
I appreciate Jamie for sharing these with me.
Some of my Favorite Movies:
KILL BILL (Oh ya! Go Uma!)
The Princess Bride
Phantom of the Opera
Enter the Dragon / any Bruce Lee movie
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Hero
LOTR trilogy
The Matrix trilogy
Star Wars trilogies
Cinderella, Pocahontas, The Little Mermaid
Shrek, Shrek II
Charlie and the Chololate Factory, Gene Wilder version - ("I want a purple one daddy!")
Caddyshack
Some Like it Hot (no one beats Norma Jean)
Happy Gilmore, The Water Boy, The Longest Yard
the Chevy Chase Family Vacation movies (except European Vacation, which sucked)
Napoleon Dynamite, gosh!
1,000,000 B.C. (Rachel Welch's big break)
Dracula - Prince of Darkness (1965)
Night of the Living Dead, original version
An Affair to Remember
any Sophia Loren movie - sigh...
Lyrics from the play Wicked. Here Elphaba, soon to become the much maligned Wicked Witch of the West, (and who is one of the new heroines of contemporary American fiction), discovers that her lover, Fiyero, has been taken. Great play, great soundtrack!
ELPHABA
(spoken) Fiyero!
(sung) Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen
Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen
Let his flesh not be torn
Let his blood leave no stain
Though they beat him
Let him feel no pain
Let his bones never break
And however they try
To destroy him
Let him never die, Let him never die!
Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka nahmen
Eleka nahmen nahmen
Ah tum ah tum eleka: eleka:
What good is this chanting?
I don't even know what I'm reading!
I don't even know which trick I ought to try
Fiyero, where are you?
Already dead, or bleeding?
One more disaster I can add to my
Generous supply?
Unlimited
The damage is unlimited
To everyone I've tried to help
Or tried to love
And, oh, Fiyero, you're the latest
Victim of my greatest achievement
In a long career of distress
Every time I could, I tried making good
And what I made was a mess!
No good deed goes unpunished
No act of charity goes unresented
No good deed goes unpunished
That's my new creed
My road of good intentions
Led where such roads always lead
No good deed goes unpunished!
One question haunts and hurts
Too much, too much to mention:
Was I really seeking good
Or just seeking attention?
Is that all good deeds are
When looked at with an ice-cold eye?
If that's all good deeds are
Maybe that's the reason why
No good deed goes unpunished
All helpful urges should be circumvented
No good deed goes unpunished
Sure, I meant well -
Well, look at what well-meant did:
All right, enough - so be it
So be it, then; let all Oz be agreed
I'm wicked through and through
Since I can not succeed
Fiyero, saving you
I promise no good deed
Will I attempt to do again
Ever again
No good deed will I do again!
I love the good Doctor!
Esp. Tom Baker
Which Incarnation of the Doctor Are You?
You are the Fourth Doctor:
A walking Bohemian conundrum with a brooding personal magnetism
and a first-rate intellect
concealed somewhere beneath your charmingly goofy exterior.
You are perhaps the most terribly clever of all the Doctors,
though your occasional bouts of childishness get you in trouble.
You never go looking for a fight, but when someone messes with you...
good heavens, are they ever sorry they did.
I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
~ Abraham Lincoln
Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him.
Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity.
~~~
Religion is the opiate of the masses.
~ Karl Marx
I have a great mind to believe in Christianity for the mere pleasure
of fancying I may be damned.
~ Lord Byron
*** These quizes kinda fit me. ***
You Are a Prophet Soul
You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone.
Selfless & kind, you have great faith in people - which often leads to disappoinment.
You deal with things in a calm and balanced way.
You are sensitive, a good interpreter, intuitive, caring and gentle.
You seek wisdom, and are a life long learner - looking for purpose and meaning.
What Vampire Clan Do You Belong To?
Mysterious and a scholar, you are a member of the Tremere clan.
You are loyal to your clan, especially since you are blood-bonded to most of them.
You are the intelligentsia of the Camarilla and are fascinated with the occult.
A Poem that I wrote that I like.
FALLING
falling falling down
into a pit
with no end
plunging down
down
ever down
down there
falling groping tumbling
the walls
envelope me in
darkness
light less
nothing-ness
down
down there
falling calling reaching
out to
you
but I hear
no one
no thing
no way to you
down down
there
falling dipping reeling
pitching slipping further
ever further
into a dream
of nothingness
just ... nothing
no thing
down
further down
everdown
there
swirling steeling surging
down I'm cascading
into peace
into fury
into hope
into death
destiny
down there
not here
nowhere
down
there
falling falling everfalling
ever
fallingdown
down
towards hell
or could it be
heav'n
down
down
downthere
Sometimes, just saying that you hate something,
and having someone agree with you,
can make you feel better about a terrible situation.
~Lemony Snicket The Bad Beginning
One of the most difficult things to think about in life is one's regrets.
Something will happen to you, and you will do the wrong thing,
and for years afterward you will wish you had done something different.
~Lemony Snicket The Reptile Room
We all know that our time in this world is limited,
and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up.
And yet, it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know.
~Lemony Snicket The Reptile Room
Oftentimes,
when people are miserable,
they will want to make other people miserable, too.
But it never helps.
~Lemony Snicket The Wide Window
For instance,
if an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator,
he might say, in a pleasant and hopeful voice,
"Well, this isn't too bad. I don't have my left arm anymore,
but at least nobody will ever ask me whether I am right-handed or left-handed,"
but most of us would say something more along the lines of,
"Aaaaah! My arm! My arm!"
~Lemony Snicket The Miserable Mill
Advanced Global Personality Test Results
| Extraversion | |||||||||| | 36% | | Stability | |||||||||| | 40% | | Orderliness | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Empathy | |||||||||||||||||| | 76% | | Interdependence | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Intellectual | |||||||||||||||||||| | 83% | | Mystical | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Artistic | |||||||||||||||||| | 76% | | Religious | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Hedonism | || | 10% | | Materialism | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Narcissism | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Adventurousness | |||||| | 30% | | Work ethic | |||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Self absorbed | |||||| | 30% | | Conflict seeking | |||| | 16% | | Need to dominate | |||||| | 23% | | | Romantic | |||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Avoidant | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Anti-authority | |||||||||||||||||||| | 83% | | Wealth | |||||||||| | 36% | | Dependency | |||||||||||| | 43% | | Change averse | |||||||||||||||||| | 76% | | Cautiousness | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Individuality | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Sexuality | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Peter pan complex | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Physical security | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Food indulgent | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Histrionic | |||||||||| | 36% | | Paranoia | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Vanity | |||||| | 23% | | Hypersensitivity | |||||||||||||||||| | 76% | | Female cliche | |||||||||| | 36% | |
|
You are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
You are organized, hard working, and reliable
while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun.
You are...
expressive, open, self revealing,
assertive, positive, always busy, likes to fit in, likes to stand out,
enjoys leadership
brutally honest, trusting, optimistic,
desires attention, attachment prone, wants to be understood,
realistic !
Take the quiz: "Are You Kinky?"
You are an ADVENTURIOUS LOVER!
You enjoy tripping the light fantastic and exploring new avenues.
You delight in the temptations of the flesh.
You find candles lit during sex to be erotic.
You are a fanatic in the bedroom.
You love to explore and try new things.
You enjoy hot fragrant steamy baths as well. Nothing is off limits to you.
And you leave your partner virtually breathless.
"Very stupid people," said Beauty, "are never aware of it themselves."
~Jeanne-Marie Leprince de Beaumont
To love . . . is to be vulnerable.
Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung, and possibly broken.
If you want to make sure of keeping it intact
you must give it to no one, not even an animal.
Wrap it carefully around hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements;
lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.
But in that casket -- safe, dark, motionless, airless -- it will change.
It will not be broken;
it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.
~C. S. Lewis
I used to know completely absolutely for sure
that there was no such thing as love...
But I have begun to doubt myself......
~ I Love You Too
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
~Mary Little
