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From people who suffer self hatred and depression. I have serious question for you. I would like you to reply in the comments. But, again, this is serious. So no troll comments.
See, I suffer self hatred and depression. And have even had suicidal thoughts and actions in the past. The beginning of last year I was in a very dark place mentally, when suddenly I became very ill. No it wasn't the corona-virus, but something much worse. This illness almost took my life, and I spent many months recovering. Technically am still recovering.
So here I was, laying in a hospital bed, depending on the doctors to keep me alive. I had been wishing for death for so long,and here was my chance. Yet, in this moment of death I refused to go. I started fighting harder than I ever had for my life. Why? If I truly hate my life as much as I think, why was I so determined to survive this?
Has anyone else experienced something like this? Where you are about to get what you think you truly want, but suddenly change your mind and refuse it?

COMMENTS

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xBeccax
23:36 Aug 05 2021

Life is hard so you wanted an easy way out. But when death called to you..You felt fear in knowing that once you die it's over. And maybe you knew deep down that you might just go to hell for wishing for death. So if you think about it. Why trade one hell for another? When you can try and make your life better? A second chance maybe? Why do you hate yourself? Do better and life will be better. Just try.

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Vann
00:37 Aug 06 2021

Wishing/thinking of death vs actually having it in your face is called CLARITY.

Now you see and understand much better.
Simple as that.

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