The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Am I the only one that feels this way? This... darkness? Emptiness? Lonliness? You see, I have sat in the back alleys of society for a long time. Long enough to observe, to calculate, to think. Thinking... there is something that I do way too much, and I think everyone else does way too little. I have had lifelong friendships crumble due to lack of interest. Relationships fail due to lack of understanding. I am just unsure of life; of society as a whole. Who in the hell thought that all of this would be beautiful? Would be interesting? Would help develop character? If I had it my way, I would have never been born. The amount of pain I have had as surgeries, hospitalizations, chronic illnesses, is crazy. I know there are those out there who have had it worse than me. Personally, I don’t see how you can keep it going, however I do congratulate you. I wish I had your push.

But no... society sickens me. You can give the shirt off your back for those you know and love and would do the same for you, and overnight they change. Or maybe you see it coming for a while. Slowly but surely changing the person you care about. People intentionally eating pounds upon pounds of unhealthy food. Lunch meat left and right and don’t forget the soda. My issue is soda.. diet soda. I am addicted and it is hard to stop. It is my go to drink and I feel like if I don’t have it then my little bit of happiness dwindles. I wonder if it is an American problem or other countries have sort of the same epidemic? You got to love America. We will fight for your right to own a gun, but if you are a female you are so fucked. Your rights are viewed differently, men in government seats get to tell you whether abortion is legal or not while disregarding the circumstances.

Our government tracking us left and right with virtually no major consequence has made it OK for most any other company to do the same. They know your purchase history. What house you were at last week. What you spent your money on last night. Your upcoming travel plans. Medical history. Behavioral history. Family history. The list goes on and on. We use cancer causing pesticides to make sure our crops are safe, but when millions die we say we can’t pinpoint a cause. Millions and millions are in poverty without a way out because education is so expensive and they have to keep the 40, 50, or 60 hour a week minimum wage job that they have just to afford their house or apartment, then turn to food pantries and hopefully they have some better off relatives that can help them with food and keeping their lights on.

Years of intolerance and insensitivity have left older generations as well as job markets unable to accommodate to and understand those with medical issues, both physical and mental. Myself? I have several problems. I could go on for a long time about them. Heart pumping/failing, anemia, autism(Asperger’s) are just part of an extremely short list. According to the government I am just shy of being able to have disability, but it is such a long and grueling process that I can not afford not to work otherwise I would be homeless. The job I have right now, customers call me an idiot every day while I am trying to make their orders (mostly by older people, 60+ years old) and confirm they are correct and it is so hard to keep pace with. I am in tears almost each night when I come home. I have to hide it.

Social anxiety fucking sucks. I am pretty sure it is turning into a phobia at this point. Being around groups of people. I can’t shut my mind up, ever. I am always worrying what the next person I meet will say or do. I hate people in general. Their voices, their personalities, their faces, their bodies, their habits. They disgust me. I think the Georgia Guide stones had a large part right on how humanity needs to be governed. Religious and the money hungry and greedy need to be weeded out of government as well. The idea of political parties is hugely outdated. There needs to be people in charge that have a correct idea of human rights. Those that do not see border, boundaries, or skin color but see a common link that we all share and embrace it. Science and truth as well as protecting our Earth need to be not just standards or goals, but they need to be held as the highest priority of anything we do. For us to advance as a species, we need to clear the cloudiness from our eyes and dig in to real problems and find real solutions. Interference of excess amounts of money or “gifts” (the kind that can drive a person to be greedy), patents, politics, and otherwise any greediness from any corporation, individual or government needs to be completely cut out.

Society? Fuck society.
It will never change.