Always a reason08:01 Feb 12 2011
Times Read: 450
Kate stands in the bathroom, door locked, music blaring to the point of not even hearing her self breathe. The lights are off; there’s one putrid spill of light coming threw a gash in the dark-blue, old and faded curtains.
She is staring at her self but only seeing memories, you can see the self hatred in her eyes she starts to choke up, tears stream down her face as if they would never end her breaths become sharp and painful.
She traces her veins on her wrist with the tip of the stainless steel knife that she took from the kitchen bench as well as the bottle of vodka from her step fathers bar fridge. She left a note on the dinning room table between the rose center piece and the gold incrusted crystal dinner set.
Her mother will be home late like she always does that’s why he made sure he got off work on time, so he would have more time to… she turns her head violently to try to shield her mind from black memory but in her mind it keeps repeating it self, over and over again she can see the images and feel where he touch her, she could feel his breath down her neck and the push of his hand on her thigh, a cold shiver carves deep into the warm flesh of her pale but bruised back.
Another swig of the vodka makes her rethink her stance, she leans her hip against the sink and looks into the mirror and for the first time see’s her reflection, she hadn’t showered yet or even tried to look decent she hoped it would repel the wild pig that was controlling her life but it never did, Kate stood there, barely and studied her looks. Her face was red and puffy from crying, with dark circles of eye make-up running down her pale skin, leaking black stains over her cheeks, her hair was wild and knotted and looked darker than normal, almost black, its was always sleek and smooth when she left the house for school or shopping with friends, but that all changed now she didn’t care, she hadn’t slept in days because the pain, hurt and dread that he would try again.
Those thoughts brought back to pain and memories that she would never escape they would just keep repeating them selves in her head and in her nightmares they would never leave.
She took one long swig of the vodka; it was almost finished now that’s when she returned her attention to the knife. Staring at the knife with a look of desperation, she took a few staggered steps backward lent against the bathroom door, slithering downwards till she was sittings with her knees up to her chest and her elbow on her knee.
She was staring at the pulsating blues veins beneath the pale naked skin of her wrist, slowly she pushes the blade deep and long down her wrist. Savoring the pain, as if to see if she were still alive,
A pool of dark red almost black liquid began to flood at her elbow then dripping from her elbow to slowly make a spill of blood on the tiles beneath her.
She closes her eyes and presses deeper into her flesh severing all arteries and tendons in her arm, going so deep she felt the sharp, sudden pain telling herself the knife pierced through the other side of her wrist.
She lifted the blade from her arm, threw it up toward her neck but was too weak to push it hard enough she had lost to much blood already.
Her arm hit the floor and the knife was thrown free and slid across the now bleeding tiles to the base of the shower curtain. The grout lines between the tiles acted like dried up streams for the dark red liquid flooding from her arm to move freely.
She sat there watching her life flow further and further away from her when she noticed the music was off and struggled to lift her arm to see what time it was but it was too late she could barely move. She stopped and listened she could hear movement, a car, out side her window, a car door slammed shut, foot steps toward the door then a key struggling to unlock the dead bolt on the door .
A flood of worry and regret she forgot about her mother, she was an only child now since her sister brutally raped and murdered in an ally behind the local brothel. Her mother started drinking after that and soon enough she became a dirty, foul drunk, passed under the table in a pool of her own vomit.
It took her 4 years to get sober enough to realize how much pain she was causing her family and since then their bond was so tight and they told each other everything but what he did would be to much for her mother, she wouldn’t cope and she really loved him, he was her knight in shining armor but to Kate he was a black demon who feeds on the life of 16 year girls. She would hide in locked room after school waiting till her mother got home from work but he had a key and would come in whenever he had the urge to ‘release some tension’ he called it, and he threatened to tell her mother that he caught a boy in her room having sex with her if she told her about them. After he left, Kate would stand in the shower for hours and try to scrub herself clean with steel wool and bleach she would only be satisfied when she could feel the small shards of metal pierced her skin and the dark red fluid surged out from beneath the now red and heated skin and the bleach would sere her wounds this would be her way to see if she was still real but even this never made her feel ‘completely’ clean.
Sitting ridged she held her breath trying to hear something the intruder was doing to give away who it was. A few moments past when she heard the bar fridge open she knew who it was and the pain and suffering went straight back to tears.
She let out her breath in sharp and painful burst as the memories came flooding back.
She let her head fall to her knees and her slaughtered wrist hit the floor with an almost unbearable stab of pain and with the last breath of conchesness she whispered “It’s him!”
COMMENTS
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darksurfer1969
10:54 Feb 19 2011
A very sad poem/story.I added your journals to my fav to.ery well written.
maxximus765
02:19 Feb 22 2011
great detail
very moving