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This night sucks. I am alone so very alone. I am tired of being alone. I want someone in my life not words on a computer screen or a voice over the phone. I want someone that can hold me and make the pain go away. I want someone to be there to wake me from my nightmaes and kiss away the sorrow in my heart. I am so tired of this empty feeling. I think I have finally found my tears. My heart breaks again and it feels like the first time.

Tonight is another one of those sad nights for me. I want to cry but the tears just won't come. I wish I could be heal this broken heart of mine or find the one that can. I thought I had found him, maybe I still have but he lives in Central Florida, I live in South Florida we are seperated by 200 or so miles. Somehow though it feels like more. His heart is broken as well and in need of tender care. I think I could be the one to heal him and maybe in doing so heal myself. I wish it were the end of the year and I was all packed for my move because then he and I could be together. You know what's really sad is that we have never met we have only talked on this thing and the phone and yet I feel somehow connected with him like I have known him for years. I can't stand the idea of dating anyone from my area but a guy who is out of my reach I long for. Someone please tell what is wrong with me.

The dreams have started again. I don't know how much more I can take. I don't get much sleep these days. To make matters worse now when I do sleep I dream of him. My heart, the only man to know me. I see his face when I am awake. Now the dreams have returned. This one wasn't bad but it hurts me when I wake and realize I made it all up. In the dream I called his house and asked for him just as I was realizing he was dead his dad was calling him to the phone. He actually picked up the extension and I passed out from hearing his voice and then when I came to he was telling me that he was sorry but it was necessary to fake his death. I like these dreams better than the ones where he is yelling at me telling me I am betraying him for trying to move on. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I actually heard his voice in my head for the first time in so long. I cried so hard the only thing that can invoke any kind of emotional reaction form me is him. I miss him so much I don't know if I can ever let myself love another person again. I know I could never go through this again.