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crimsonxxtears's Journal


crimsonxxtears's Journal

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24 entries this month
 

Unbelievable and only happens in movies

16:18 Aug 31 2009
Times Read: 689


Ok in August Rush this guy falls for this girl within one night they had passionate sex and she had to go back to see her father. Well he wanted her to meet him in the Courtyard the day her father took her away.

Soon she found out she was pregnant when she was about 8 months along she got into a fight with her father cause he wanted her to give up the baby for adoption. She ran out of the dinner and got hit by a car and was rushed to the hospital.

Her father told her the baby died when he really forged her name giving the child up for adoption. Well when she learns that her son is not dead 11 years later she goes out looking for him.

The kid had run away before she got to him at the orphanage, so she went out into search for him in New York City. The boys father meets him not knowing that is his son, talks to him and gets to know him a little.

Well in the end the mother finds the son and the father finds his mother who he has loved and searched for long and hard. Then learns he has a son and after the night of reuniting they become the family they should have been.

It only happens in fucking movies, Love is just a fantasy that exists in movies and books.


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Well Possible Good News

03:58 Aug 31 2009
Times Read: 691


I might get a job at my sisters work. We could get opposable shifts so the kids always have someone around.



Finally people I can see on a regular basis maybe lets keep our fingers crossed this is a maybe deal not a for sure thing yet.



Ive been at home doing the home mommy thing for so long. They open from 7 and close at 9 so not bad and its few miles down the road. So Jess would take me and pick me up:) Just until it gets cooler



Then I can pay for my car insurance and drive on my own for once :) I wont be so damn dependent on people. I already got my license and everything had it for a year now just cant afford the insurance so havent driven. Just need to get back on the road and viola. :)



Things are kinda looking up


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The past few entries

02:06 Aug 31 2009
Times Read: 698


Ok the past few entries are written because Im so goddamn angry. I know Ill get the fuck over it soon, its either I write it out or Im gunna hit the damn wall I need my hands to work so there you go.



Shit goes on as usual frankly I have had enough. My sisters in pain my mother is causing bullshit and Im worried about a few people, and now I found out one of my friends just stabbed me in the back. So YAY FUCKING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know I was her goddamn friend since the first grade if she didnt want me around anymore she should have just fucking said so. I dont stay where Im not fucking wanted.



At this fucking moment Ashley I wish you well and happy to your husband but I wont ever bother you anymore. You know you were my goddamn sister I treated you like family. I just dont get why you did this. Im so sorry I gave a damn. I was always there for you. Now I see where that got me. Left out in the rain.



You know if you ever need me Im still here no matter how many times you treat me like shit Ill be here.



Thats my down fall I forgive and I let people do it again and again.


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Complete and total Fucking Bullshit

01:58 Aug 31 2009
Times Read: 699


There is no such thing as happiness, there is no such thing as love.



You get with people you can tolerate and not want to kill on a daily basis the word love only exists in fairy tales. You give me a good example of real life shit and maybe ill considerate being real.



Im tired of that son of a bitch playing with her emotions I like the douche bag I do, but enough is fucking enough. NO FUCKING MORE



If there is any goddamn good in this world the world will for one solitary day stop shitting on all the good people.



To all the son of a bitches out there who need a ass kicking I raise my middle finger to you. That goes for you TOM STOP FUCKING WITH JESSIES EMOTIONS!!!!!!


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Hell

01:28 Aug 31 2009
Times Read: 700


Im going back to hell, I have my own apartment there now.



Things are getting bad here, my mother wants to get my sister and me to fight so I will move back home. No way in hell is that going to happen. I confronted my sister about the situation my mother so conveniently told me and it was worked out.



With my aunt dying I guess my mother has to cause drama to get her way. I love my mother but Im in no mood for her bullshit.



At this moment I am at a loss I dont know if I should stay or if I should go. I dont mean about my living situations but about other things.


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Today

00:45 Aug 30 2009
Times Read: 708


My aunt died today, early this morning. She was living off of machines for a week. Shes at piece now, I cant go to the funeral because its out of state.

I wasnt close to her but I remember her very well. She was a sweetheart.

I felt a hell of alot more pain when James died wanting to go shake him and scream wake up wake up damn it, even saying those words in my head and seeing him not move a muscle broke my heart.

I dont understand why was it because I was closer to him then her? Or am I just used to death?


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PandorasBx
PandorasBx
04:04 Aug 30 2009

I'm sorry for your loss sweetie *big hugs*





 

Sense and Sensibility again

22:53 Aug 27 2009
Times Read: 713


Ok I just watched again and that Willaby character pissed me off he left the girl he supposedly loved because she didnt have any money. I do have to say WHAT THE FUCK money, money, money that douche bag

Then at the end he sees her get married to the Brandon dude and he starts to get tears in his eyes then rides off into the sunset all alone.

I mean you had the chance to be with her but you gave that up you self centered material needing asshole.

At least this guy loves her and could care less that she didnt have a dowry. I liked him better anyways he had that look in his eye the first moment he saw her. GO BRANDON!!!!!

He loved her more then you Willaby.


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Sense and Sensibility The movie

01:24 Aug 27 2009
Times Read: 722


I watched the movie on Youtube. And well it was good but the dude pissed me off he wouldnt shut up and just get down on one freaking knee and purpose. Its like do I have to put a stick up ur butt to fucking purpose.

God men just need to make the point say darling I love you please be mine please marry me I mean thats a good way to do it. I was jumping up and down on the couch yelling at the damn tv to tell the dude to shut up and just purpose.

Stupid really the douche bag cant hear me but come on dont babble on you want someone to be with you forever just just purpose damn it. Dont make a long ass speech then get down on one knee and pop the question. Damn it pop the question out right.

God Im such a hopeless romantic lol I need a life.....but really please men on tv you can tell the want to grab the girl and kiss her yet they dont fucking do it. You want to do something then fucking do it damn it. Grab the girl kiss her as you want to and viola. Shes puddy in ur hands


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vampchica4
vampchica4
03:10 Aug 27 2009

Wow.

i REALLY need to see that one!!!



But, if he were to propose, then there wouldnt be a movie... would there?!

lol





crimsonxxtears
crimsonxxtears
03:20 Aug 27 2009

Yeah there would be but men they take to long to say what they want why not just grab the girls hand put the ring on it then say ur mine grab her and kiss her?

Eh I guess Im just being stupid lol





 

Shannon

21:28 Aug 24 2009
Times Read: 728


Shannon's appendix burst today shes in surgery as we speak they dont know how bad it is but from what the doctors say its pretty bad. They dont know if she'll make it.


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Poor Tom

21:02 Aug 24 2009
Times Read: 729


Ok Tom stayed in his town he was so down I couldnt smack him for hurting Jess. He looked like his dog just died. I wanted to tie him up throw him the back of the truck and take his ass home.

It seems like he and Jess might get back together. I really hope they do. They are really good together besides this way he can be there when the baby is born. Ill still be the backup person in the delivery room lol I bet he will pass out


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Assholes

15:28 Aug 24 2009
Times Read: 733


Some asshole stole from my brother broke and burnt his things he's feeling down so im gunna go with my sister and see him today we may get him to come home with us. Kari wont mind she loves him to death. Ill be back on when I can should be on tonight.

Tom may be here for the week the poor guy is down really down. But Ill be on everyday still the boy sleeps so late.

Ill fill in more later.:) It will be good to hug the lil shit then smack him for being a dick to Jess. He'll get over it :D


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Completely Weird

04:45 Aug 24 2009
Times Read: 737


Today has been a really weird day. I was fine till I went to the store then I felt extremely sick and since Ive been home I fell even more like shit.



When I went to take the trash to the curb today there was this guy walking down the hill I guess he heard be cause that stupid trash bin is pretty loud.



Well he turned around and starting walking my way. I started to go back to the house but forgot to put a box in the trash so I turned around and he was gone. He wouldnt have had time to go inside a house cause they are all far from the street.



Then I get this creeped out feeling every time I go to the doors as if feeling as though Im being watched. Well Im taking my over paranoid ass to bed. I guess all this weird shit will go away.


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PandorasBx
PandorasBx
04:54 Aug 24 2009

Be careful and hope you get feeling better soon hun *hugs*





 

Another book

02:01 Aug 22 2009
Times Read: 743


I have another date with another book, I think Ill read Vampire Interrupted again either that or Tall Dark and Hungry Bastien is quite the charmer yet I like the way Julius grabs Margarete and runs through the airport with her underwear showing for the world. But then theres Vincent, hes hilarious. But he's funnier in Tall Dark and Hungry.

Then theres Bite Me If You Can with Lucian he is quite the hardass but hes fucking funny. Then theres A Quick Bite with Greg and Lissiana I like Thomas in that one he cracked me up with the Spider Man pjs lol

Oh well so many books so little time for one night. What the hell Ill be alone again tomorrow night so I can read the others tomorrow Ill stick to Enie Meanie Minie Mo lol


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Redone

21:46 Aug 20 2009
Times Read: 745


My profile was completely redone it looks freaking awesome :)


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Golden Girls

05:24 Aug 19 2009
Times Read: 748


Yes I watch the Golden Girls Sophia cracks my ass up you gotta love her. Her random comments like



"Scapa to ci mal fortuna"

"From the pit of my stomach to the porcelain of the bowl"

"Oh boy we're going to the sperm bank, this is my day"



That woman cracks me up:D


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Uncle James RIP I Miss You

06:39 Aug 18 2009
Times Read: 752


It has been two years now this month and I still miss him very much.

James I was listening to this the when I found out you were gone. I feel it is appropriate for you. I love and miss you. I hope you are with Jamie and happy.




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Today

04:40 Aug 18 2009
Times Read: 753


Today I saw old high school buddies when I went out with my mom, I got tons of hugs, I even saw old teachers and substitutes.

Collete came by today and cut everyone's hair, its shorter now but not to short. Ill probably have pictures up soon:) We even kinda had a girls night in. Kids got to stay up an extra hour.

All and all its been a pretty good day I'm just tired


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Waking up

13:51 Aug 17 2009
Times Read: 759


This morning I woke up really weird. I was dead in my sleep when someone whispered my name in my ear but when I got up no one was there. Everyone in the house was asleep, weird huh


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Sinora
Sinora
00:54 Aug 18 2009

Ohhhh spooky....





 

I felt the need to point shit out

18:30 Aug 15 2009
Times Read: 764


Vampires and other paranormal creatures do not come out and say what they are. Why? Because they don’t wish to be hunted by their own kind nor do they want to jeopardize their own race.

I make this statement because I have been to many people’s journals and profiles where they say I am a vampire. Whether that is out of teenage stupidity or out of being a moron, I’ll never know nor understand why they would do that.

Do I think vampires and other paranormal creatures are cool? Yes.

Do I believe they are real? Yes.

Will I ever be stupid enough to say that I am one? No

Do I wish I could be one of them? At times yes, and at others no I don’t.

Why do I at times you ask?

Let me see it is hard to be killed, you stay young, you can have sex without worrying about getting pregnant or getting STD’s, and above all else you don’t get sick.

Then theres why don’t I want to be one of these amazing creatures. You give up seeing the ones you love because you don’t age. You watch those you love die around you, you cannot have anymore children once you get turned.

What about myths is fake?

Vampires can go into church, religious artifacts do nothing but make them laugh. Garlic, well they can eat human food as well and it does nothing to them, some even like garlic.

Van Helsing was a real person but he was a sick asshole. But in all fairness he had a right to be his family was killed by a vampire, but after hunting the one who killed his family he should have stopped. But he went out for blood killing things that didn’t deserve to die.

I wish I could discuss Dracula but he’s complicated to talk about all I can tell you is he is real and the myths about him are mostly fake.

I state these things because I have seen to much bullshit. People think they are vampires because they shy away from the sun and they are anemic, they even feel the need to be around people to get the energy.

I have simple answer’s for these morons. You shy away from the sun because either the heat gets to you or it hurts your eyes or you just want to be a pale douche bag. You are anemic because you don’t have enough iron in your blood. Go to the grocery store and get some iron pills, they are with the vitamins. You feel the need to be around people because you cant stand the thought of being alone for one second. The thing that pisses me off most is that this makes you think you are a vampire. You aren’t one of these creatures you wish to be one of them. For whatever reason in your head you think it is better to be one of them then to be some mere human. If you ever ran across one of these creatures I bet you would shit your pants if you knew.

Stop with the bullshit saying Im Draculas daughter crap because vampires cannot have children once they are turned and no they are not considered dead or soulless. They have a heart yes it does beat and they have as much of a soul as we do.


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Fixed

19:28 Aug 11 2009
Times Read: 773


Ok my profile is all fixed, please go take a look and tell me what you think. I even put a new background up to.


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SummerNightsDreamer
SummerNightsDreamer
05:30 Aug 13 2009

Looks great





crimsonxxtears
crimsonxxtears
05:38 Aug 13 2009

Thanks I had help and I do try





 

In Pain Again

05:35 Aug 11 2009
Times Read: 775


The two weeks of pain is back, you know the kind that makes u want to curl up in a ball and cry. And oh boy the headaches that make you hold ur head begging for some sort of silence and complete darkness from the harsh light of day.



The sleepless nights are here once again. The need for sleep is always there but the pain is throbbing through my body saying what the hell do you need sleep for.



With no health insurance I cant afford the doctor for pain meds so Im seeking an alternative to that. I might have just found that at a clinic near by. I cant go there for awhile so insomnia and two weeks of pain will control me once again


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No such thing

18:08 Aug 05 2009
Times Read: 791


The one thing I have learned is there is no such thing as love. It is all fake and a sham. People make a big deal out of being lovey dovey with the one they are with in public and then when they get home they push each other away.



I dont get it, bitches get the nice guys and assholes get the nice girls and all the others have been beaten down or gay.Why cant all the nice guys and nice girls get together and all the bitches and assholes get together. Its only fucking fair!!



When it comes to true love ive learned there is no such fucking thing. Same goes for happiness.



There are quotes I love very much.



"If I wanted to play mind games Id buy a Rubik's Cube"

"Trust is always good, for someone else"

"Why dont you go kill yourself, to save me from having to do it later"



The last quote I say to my love life lol never had one but want one lol insane right im just wanting the punishment of having some fuckwad go and cheat on me again. HELL TO THE NO.



Im tired of giving my trust to people and they just show me how much of an idiot I am of doing that.



Yeah I want to be held but at the same time men want one thing in return. SEX. Can you believe it there is no honest gentlemen who will take pity on some girl who just wants at the most an hour of being held.

I hate to say it but my best buddy was right that 6'4 big lug was right. Men are STUPID!!!!!! Hes a guy and agrees that men are stupid. He says that any man who doesny know that fact then they are really huge idiots who dont deserve their balls. Well he didnt really say the last part lol I threw that part in.



I want to be with someone and yeah settle down but lets face the facts people. Its not gunna happen. Because in all reality love is just a word. It means absolutely NOTHING!!!!! If you have to force it out of someone by begging if you have to fucking beg for a fucking hug then you really feel like nothing.

I cant believe Im back to begging my family for fucking hugs. I know my sister doesnt mean to but she moves away whenever I go to hug her I cant blame her but Im done trying giving affection to people who just dont want it. So FUCK saying I Love You just hear it come back to in a meaningless way FUCK hugging people just to have them move away from me.



You know they said they were shocked I came out of that fucked up home of mine ok and still so loving well no more if anyone wants loving from me they are gunna have to show me some first. Im so fucking goddamn tired of trying I give the fuck up.

Im better of allowing the loneliness to choke me to death every few weeks, because soon my heart will freeze and I wont be dying just get a fucking hug even from family


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TruthHurts
TruthHurts
18:29 Aug 05 2009

There is such a thing as love, but people complicate it and make untenable. I loved the girl I speak of on my profile, loved her like no other and she said she felt the same. The reality was that as soon as I was out of eyeshot, she would bed down any guy she could get attention from. You need to just be open to it and it will find you. Eventually everyone gets tired of bullshit and they realize that the asshole or bitch isn't the type to be with to be happy. She made herself out to be a sweet girl, but her ugly side showed itself and I'm glad for it. I would've married her had I not caught on to her infidelities and lies.





Sinora
Sinora
00:47 Aug 06 2009

*Hugs*....I'm sorry to know your so down just now hon x





crimsonxxtears
crimsonxxtears
02:48 Aug 06 2009

its ok i guess im throwing myself a pity party its just been a bad few months i should have popped the balloons before they went up





 

My Sisters DIsgusting Husband

00:40 Aug 04 2009
Times Read: 796


That Son Of A Bitch is beating on her and telling her she is lucky to have him.

You know I have been beaten told the same shit and way more then anyone can imagine. Hell I was beaten till I couldnt even walk.

She wants to stay with that asshole Ever since I met him 6 or 7 years ago I have always had a bad feeling about him. The only thing I can say is I have never gotten along with her but I will kill that son of a bitch to protect her. Shes family what else can I do


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Different

06:18 Aug 03 2009
Times Read: 800


I am completely different from many people. I dont act my own age. I dream of different things. I can picture myself in old times wearing the old dresses being the quiet maiden, I enjoy being at home reading books, listening to music and even movies.

Most of the time I dont watch the film I listen to what is said and the sounds given. The sounds at times gives me a sense of peace, warmth and at times love. When I do watch movies I look at every character studying who they are I look at the colors in the film, I look at how deep it gets. To me its beautiful

I surround myself with books at night in a circle drawing heat and comfort from the characters written on the pages. Feeling protected somehow, as if they come out at night to guard me.

I hate parties, I hate being surrounded by thousands of people I cant even get a kind word from. The only time I feel ok at a party is when im around friends and family.

I dont trust many people for fear that if I say one word I will get hit again. Its weird how I have always flinched when someone touches me. Ive done it since I can remember. Most of my memory is gone but what flashes I get are horrible some rarely good. Most of the times I wonder if those are even real I know the bad ones are cause I have the scars to prove it.

I like to sit at home reading my books and people call me a freak for it. Well I wont change myself to make others happy as far as Im concerned they can kiss my ass. I am who I am and if no one can deal with that then they can go get a long stick from outside and shove it up their asses.

I may be different but Im good Im nice even though I have been beaten told I was nothing I still treat people the way I wish I could be treated. For once I just wish I could get treated nice. I know others out there have had it worse then me, I know I shouldnt complain. But at times I guess its good to complain then keeping it bottled up.

I look into peoples eyes when I meet them looking for anything that might be off, next is the smile, you can always get the real feeling from the smile. You can get to know someone through their eyes and their smile.:) I love that about people


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