The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I sit here in front of this screen and even at home people surround me saying that they love me and care for me and want to see no hoarm fall upon me , but do they truely see the pain that is burried so deep within my heart that it now evern pains me to smile.. i could talk about it i supose but whats the point really nothing seems to matter anymore , no matter what i do in life it never seems to work out for me even as i sit and talk to people i often wonder do they see me at all , do they hear me do they even notice me ... not liek i need to be noticed hell the people who call themselfs my freinds are they really, to me i have so many turn out to be backstabbing vultures always putting on a diguse to get what they needed from me and then they were off again without a trace and no word at and to think that i protected them for so long all my engery and love went into them and yet in the end they are the murders holding inot the knife so tight as they pluge it into my heart , as i lye bleeding i bledd out and realize that thier is no rest for me ever un til the day when i am cold and deep within the mother earth in a deep sacnuary where i can at last be free from all the hurt and pain that i have felt and be embraced by death , one thing t hat i have learned is that is harder for me to live then it is to die after all their has got to be a purpose for me living ... or is this all just one really bad dream that i a living and any minute now i will wake up and laugh about it...