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Well I gotta busy summer ahead of me.... first i am going to new york, then connecticut, and camp. Each immediately after the other. I am gonna be so tired but i will get through it. I know my friends have my back. I will miss everyone. I dont want any of my friends thinking I am ignoring them or anything.... I love them too much. But i am not looking forward to not talking to james mostly but amanda too. I just hope James doesnt forget about me. I enjoy being with him and talkiing to him.

Omg i fucking hate this....I got fired! I missed 2 days of work and boom i am flat out on my ass! Urggggh what is with people not wanting others to have fun? I mean let us live a little, but w/e my summer is gonna be fun. I aint gonna let assholes bring me down and make my summer suck.

I know I am adopted and all but I just don't belong in this family. I never talk to my dad and my mom is always to busy. But my sister on the otherhand can be a sweetheart. I just dont get it though. It sux and is really confusing....i mean my biological mom was protecting me while she was alive and holding me all the time. But my real dad just misused and mistreated her. I respect her so much even though she is gone. I just dont belong in this family. But here it has become so numb to me. I just choose not to feel anymore. I have become so numb to everything i guess its because i dont wanna get hurt anymore. I mean my life was a living hell so to speak. But again there are those i love and will always have a part of my heart. Like James, Amanda, Melissa, Angie-my bestest friend in the world, my brothers-even though they dropped me..... Those people will always be a part of me and have left open that part of me that will always love. I love you all and u will never no what u mean to me.

Yep I am all wet and sticky....not like that! Get yows mind out of the gutters! Amanda put some cafinated tea with splenda sugar in it in front of me. You all know my nerves....I accidently knocked the whole glass onto my lap, on mandas floor and chair lol. Which is what i am sitting in. But what was left over i knocked over in the back of amanda's desk. Amanda said i was dangerous with drinks, i may be. Now she is thirsting me to death. Man! I am so wet not to mention thirsty. I blamed it on nerves....i havent talked to james yet. Oh now she says i can have her drink......."just dont knock it over" how sweet...not! Well how about it? I am boredddddddddddd. Well the computer is keeping me entertained for a while until i talk to james.

So i was late getting to amanda's. We had to wait for her dad to get back. He fortunately got back soon. So we chilled at his crib...yep me manda and the gyz. It was awesome man. James is a great kisser...i know hate me for saying this but he is very passionate. I know i know. But yeah it was fun. He definitely found my weak spots. I hope i intrigued him tonite. I know he did me. So yeah that is basically it....I am happy. It really sux we had to leave though... It has to be coincidence that his dream stopped when mine has just began.

So today is the day i meet him. Amanda says he is cute and the perfect gy. I mean, she can talk to him about anything. He definitely has a great personality. If there is something we both have in common it is we need a shrink. LOL. We are both emotionally screwed up. I know a lil about what he looks like....tall, brown eyes (i think) and dark hair. He is gonna dye it black today. I dont know bout you all but i think black is sexy as hell. It is the classic color and looks good on everyone....I MEAN EVERYONE! Well i hope we get along we've been doing good on the phone and all. We are so much alike it isnt funny. Well I hope he likes me....Amanda told him i am pretty and so he thinks i am. But lets see....i mean i dont no what he is gonna think...i will find out today. But yeah today i am spending the nite at mandas. We are gonna have so much fun hanging out....her and tyler and me and james. Yep!