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I’ll never forgive myself for the selfishness I had, and how it nearly cost your life. I was so busy trying to cut the pain that I couldn’t see yours. You hurt so bad but I didn’t care.



I remember how I somehow managed to drag my numb body to where you were only to find you in a state much worse than mine. Right then I sobered up. The hollow look in your eyes, your neck was like jelly; I still see it to this day. They laughed at you found no seriousness in your state. I was so angry, so scared.



For once I had the attention and when I found you you took it back. Josh he saw the same thing I did and he carried you to what he thought safety and I followed, holding your hand along the way. I couldn’t let go.As you wavered in and out of consciousness your pain surfaced. ‘No stop! Turn off the camera. STOP!’ you’d shout as you flailed in the back seat. I tried so hard to be strong for you. I wanted to fight these demons you had hiding in your sleep. I Tried so hard to wake you up, and all I could do was hold you closer.



I asked bryan to take you to the hospital, you were so sick by then. He wasn’t having it. So I sat, holding you on the couch feeding you epicach trying to get you to throw up your poison. By then it was running through you at full speed. I watched as bryan eyeballed your limp body. The same look he gave me the first night he took my pride. I had become so accustom to it I nearly forgot how bone chilling it was.



'Star Girl its time to go.' He said to me but I couldn’t leave you. So he dragged me out the house that night kicking and screaming. I was sure it would be the last time I would see you, alive at least.





Then two days later, the phone rang. It was the cops bryan had told them I gave you the pills. He knew I had the bottles. I didn’t give them too you. I just took them away empty, empty pill bottles you had stolen from your mom. My mom told me that your mother was pressing charges, I was so scared. I did nothing but try and help you.



As soon as i got the okay i rushed to the hospital to see you. The Dr said not to count on you waking up at all. But when you heard my voice you were somewhat responive. Your eyes fluttered and you squeezed my hand. You started answering questions as best you could.

I was there for you this time.



That night I ran. Away from the cops and the parents. Away from my braindead best friend. Away from the truth of what I had become. The next morning I came back. I couldn’t live my life running away.



I just wanted to know you were alright.