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arashi1281's Journal



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5 entries this month
 

Love of my own

03:40 Dec 19 2006
Times Read: 523


I am so glad you found me and called me to you.

I care about you only and swear my heart forever true.

I think your name and it stops short on my lips.

All my life consumed only to feel the my hands upon your hips.

Not a name in heaven could fathom your grace,

Nor could any other in this lifetime ever take your place.

I will dream of you and me in myrid universe

Where vixen like us have not a worry of retributions or curse.

To love you the way I want to, open and freely,

I would request the gods a sentence of mercy

If only that you and I could, just, be.


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Tonight I cried

04:52 Dec 16 2006
Times Read: 525


Have you ever been so alone that it hurt to breath, your mind goes numb and the thought of moving is so far removed from any posibility you could hope for yourself. The thing is that I feel like that all the time. I watch my husband's face when I move less than graceful he rolls his eyes as if I was the clumbsiest thing on the planet. When I cook a meal, licking the spoon will bring a look of discust, as if I were a glutton. If he stops home for lunch and I have not put on my trophy wife face he won't even look me in the eyes. If our child misbehaves it is no doubt my inability to properly displine her that brings forth her tamtrums. I was reperamanded this evening for not properly hiding my pleasure toys and I began to cry. My mistake once again.


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Alone tonight

05:06 Dec 15 2006
Times Read: 529


Tonight is very dark and I am alone.

I knew when I agreed to this that their indeed would be nights like this.

It has just been a while since I felt one.

Their is nothing scarier than being alone in the dark. I suppose when I reach hell I will look back on nights like this and realize the depth of my stupidity.

One can only wonder how I have become so low.

I am aware that my loneliness will be the only constant in my life, for as short of a life as I will have.

I am loosing weight again and the emptyness has taken hold of what ever hunger I had.

I have to remember that a curse is what it is and allow it to run its course.

The tangible has become intangible, the happiness a shadow.


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His grace

04:40 Dec 11 2006
Times Read: 533


I am saddened to realize that even here I may verywell be alone. I suppose I sould be thatnkful that Inki takes such good care of me. It is human nature to attach to what we find familliar. I am attached to Inki now to a fault. Where I once dreaded his appearance, I now look forward to our time together. He Is so careful with me, as if I were glass. No one has ever been so presious to me.


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Inki's Call

11:34 Dec 10 2006
Times Read: 534


How dark and sad, alone we are. I feel the distance it seems so far. There is no one to hear our voice, So speak our rites and our given choice. Is that why you have chosen me? I this to be my destiny? I know how you are and I do not care. If only you would just take me there, please take me there. I am drowning in a world of absolutes where the ones who hide hold only the truth. I see you now and can not resist, your fingers slowly scar my wrist. External wounds for a bleeding heart. For you alone I will do my part. When you leave, my silent friend, my life will surely meet its end.


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