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Sunday will be my 30th birthday. I'm not sure how I feel about this.



My life has been filled with an insane amount of amazingness as well as pain (emotional, physical etc.). And although my life has moved worlds apart from the darker days of a few years ago, I'm still struggling with some old demons, and then of course there's my health which is better than it was but still stands in the way.



I'm also looking at having a fair amount of dental work done soon and I'm really worried about it, mostly because of the chances of complications due to the medications I'm on - but also worried about the cost despite having insurance (it doesn't pay for everything).



That's been a keen source of physical and emotional pain to be sure, on top of the other stuff. At least when it comes to this I have the opportunity of having it resolved.



Like most birthdays, the week or so leading up to it is generally filled with sadness. I don't know why. Looking forward however, the opportunities before me are pretty amazing. I just need to overcome my anxieties.



I'm hoping to go back to school and to make the final return to the old Xzavier of my early 20s, when I took charge of my own life and didn't allow myself to be subject to the desires or directions of others. As part of dealing with my depression, I made a conscious decision to become involved with local politics, but more as a follower than a leader until the time when I regained my confidence. What I've accomplished in the last 2 years have gone a long way toward restoring my confidence, and should things go well at the dentist, I'll have nothing else standing in the way of it.



At this moment, I'm a ball of nerves, and lacking any real outlet to discuss such issues, I've returned to "old faithful" - this journal.

COMMENTS

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NLW
04:28 Dec 12 2014

I always feel a little sad before my birthday too. Keep taking care of yourself.

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