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I've had great moments, and crappy mediocre moments of writing success. Now I'm practicing again, I won't be posting till I get at least rough drafts done. I always keep my concepts on paper, there is power to paper for me. I think that's been part of my problem. I can't just sit in front of a computer and type up am awesome poem, or whatever it is I write. It needs to be on paper.

What you see, what you hear, no you never cared you've never thought a second moment for me. Right you were, I was too good too kind and your love i never really could find. To hold and to keep, betrayed alone I stand, angry I weep. Undirected, without focus lead to chaos as I have no will to do anything. Your presence of love my only dream, now your absence the abysmal horror turned to nightmare. 



Oldest friend, once most beautiful soul. Your selfish scared nature undeserving of being my closest lover. I've allowed you to leave me shattered. A piece of the whole puzzle I once was. Fragment of the stained glass no longer anything of beauty. I am an ugly broken piece one apart from the whole. 



When you emerge once more from communications blackout I don't want your excuses. I just want to know why. Why is it  acceptable to crush my heart, yet you demand so much of me upon your return?! What I need, what i must is cold and just. Letting you go, leaving you be. Apart and away myself again you'll not see. I've loved you my Nimuie for so long. It's hard to let that go, I have no clue if I ever will not love you. Though try and try I will, because I know the colors of your heart am I'm not among them.  

Alone, Ditched, avoided, and ignored. Personal, close, even casual friends whose word I should never take as fact. When you say you'll do something, that you'll be there and then simply opt not to is that not the very act of broken word. Of showing no honor? This was the one night I told my son I won't be staying the night. He called to say goodnight. I could have been there to read him a story, let him tackle and tickle me without mercy till he grew tired enough for bed. Instead I made plans, only to have every friend made with become vapor in a desert. Your words as unreliable as your actions.



You don't deserve my trust.

COMMENTS

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TruGraveLilium
07:41 Jun 05 2010

Thank you for your strength. And your words. Not just here, but throughout your pages. Not many have the courage to do as they say nor to walk away when best. I know mine is fleeting. You are a be



Grave

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CAUTION
11:23 Jun 05 2010

I wouldn't cancel on you :D

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I've been so involved with work, and the boys. Leaving myself almost no time to really think to myself. Save for the few random thoughts i've put down. Lifes been coming so quickly, friends i've drifted from, bills i've barely been able to pay, and the most time consuming and important, being a father to two little boys even though only one is mine. I've not really been writing, or thinking about things to write lately and it sucks. I have my creativity still, I just can't seem to tap into it.