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Sooo... I thought I was suposed to be devistated over all of this but to my surprise I'm actually really ok with this whole break up thing. I mean, it is heart breaking in the aspect that I really wanted Jude to grow up with his mom and dad together, and the fact that I don't really fore see much involvment coming from Ryan but.... as crude as it may seem, I would be quite the happy little kitten if I never had to look at his face again. Just saying...



But who knows... maybe that's just the anger talking

So after a very long 7 yrs, I've given up. As of Friday, I have become officially single. He moved out, although there are still a few things in this house that needs to be removed. I have no doubt in my mind that this will and is one of the hardest things I will ever go through. We were to young and too misunderstood.



I thought I knew what heart break felt like, but I think I was sadly mistaken up until now. The worst is that it was planned. Everyone told me but I didn't want to believe them. I guess love truely is blind, because while I was giving him my all, I was also sleeping with the enemy as he was planning to destroy it right before moving into "our" home. It sickens me to know that I put up with the verbal and somewhat physcial abuse, the slandering, the disrespect, and belittling for so long. In a way I guess I should thank him though. I'm sure I am coming out of this stronger than most females will ever be. I will never settle again for anything less than the best. I will never let myself become involed with another human people that it costs me my own self respect and dignity.