The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Today is a very bad day for me to start getting a cold. Tomorrow I have a 2 hour interrogation which people are going to use to determine how fit i am to do what i wanna do and now i'm going to be groggy and lightheaded and wheezing throughout...that'll be a fabulous sign of fitness...



"i can't answer your questions properly..or breathe..or go for 3 min without blowing my nose...but other than that, i swear, i'm an ideal candidate!"



fuckin hell...

my neck was stiff and i had more papercuts than i could count...



but life seemed...almost good?

this morning...so I guess I slept.



Unfortunately it was on the floor with my head on a sweater and probably for only about 3 hours.



Man...I should be drinking while I work. Then I'd be less alarmed.

well...im still busy...but too worn out to be stressed about it...mellowed by exhaustion...getting kinda wishy-washy.



got a little reminder today about the elements that have been missing from my life...



I can remember being overwhelmed with love-passion-obsession-drama..to the point where it was maddening (but maybe a little fun?)



I've been in a spell of -nothing- for a while now. God knows it helps me get a lot of work done..but I'm feeling very bored and gray...

of course now is an impossible time to do anything about it...but maybe when i get a little time to myself...... ..... ....



eh..back to the paperwork and enough sappy music for me.



time to loop some black flag again.

punk fuckin rock

too many fucking words

everywhere i look

blah blah blah

deadlines and words

everywhere

people demanding words



"that's good, but how about you use some more words? add more words? text. words. words."



my desk is covered with stacks of words. there are 10 windows open on the monitor. all full of words. there's a box of words under the desk. my head is overflowing with words too..BUT NOT THE RIGHT WORDS.



bah

Ok. So. It's one of those days.

no, not just one of those days.

one of THOSE days.

The bad days.



Too much to do. Time's running out. Dicked around too much today. Not all my fault. Complete exhaustion makes it hard to work at full tempo. Been completely exhausted - running on fumes - for nearly a month now.

Just another day...maybe another week...thought I had it this time.

Nope.



Lost control of the ol' brain. Now it's a 50-50 split. My side still has control of the limbs though.



Feeling for a pulse. Yeah. That's a good spot. Where's the knife. Yep. There it is. Right on the counter-top. Too many goddamn big sharp knives in this house. Who the hell authorized that?



Time to take the toaster for a bath...curling iron? hair dryer? TV? which one of you feels dirty? No one...no one is dirty...they only get sponge baths.



A drive will calm me down. A drive..right into that tree. Bam. What's the price of guns nowadays?...bah. I dont care. I have enough. Is that waiting period thing for real? Fuck it. Maybe I'll just beat my head against a wall until I black out. NO! THE WALLS HERE ARE TOO THIN. poison, hanging, forcing water up my nose? NO no no compose. be calm.



Lying on the bed, face down, arms crossed across the chest, legs crossed at the ankle, stiff as a board, breath held, waiting to be taken. by who? i dont know. dont ask me that. i dont have an answer. i'm insane right now. fuck off. if ANYTHING wants to teleport me out of this stupid world right now...I'm just trying to let it know that it's perfectly welcome. OK?



That kinda day.



Oh well.

Back to the grind.

14 hours until doomsday part I

no more crazy. back to zombie