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so tired really wish i could sleep sigh well guess since i cant sleep might as well do some homework blah i am finally caught up in my history class thank goodness after having to do my paper over because my teacher was not clear on what my paper was supposed to be about the only thing he said was 8 citation and to pick a topic out of our history well i was gonna do it on the Holocaust but after i turned in the paper he gave it back and said i had to do it over cuz thats not part of US history that is apart of world history sigh its like come on jack a$$ be clear about what u want than guess on to watch some tv and hope to fall asleep (keeping fingers crossed)

been a really long day history homework was coming out of my ears just bout caught up only have to finish rough draft paper son has tummy flu and daughter has bladder infection im so freaking tired just wanna sleep but dont see that happening anytime soon :-( blah gotta go do intake for my daughter to finally be in school all did the placement stuff so now just intake and all is done with that urgh so much to do so lil time man wish i had more hands lol

i feel like a total failure that nightmare totally fucked me up i broke down and went and bought a pack of smokes but its all good cuz once this one is gone im done for as i am broke and wont be able to buy no more lol will just need to fight threw it cuz i told my friends and family NOT TO give me any smokes so its gonna be now or never well cant be never seeing as wont have no money to buy any and i have to quit to have the surgery i want more than anything to complete our family and for me to be healthier and do more stuff with the family i love my husband and kids more than any thing and i wouldnt change it for the world well off to homework have lots to do and turn in by mon sigh really need to stop putting shit off :-(

that nightmare i just had was the absolute worst i dream that i had the surgery and we got pregnant i was almost due with twins he left to the store and never came back i took the kids to a family members house so i could go look for him and couldnt find him i went back to the family members house to get the kids and they were gone my whole family now was missing i was so upset i went into labor and had our babies he never came to hospital after i went home i had to go some where i took the babies with me cuz i didint trust no one anymore after my kids went missing i walked in to a store and saw him with another woman and my kids kept calling her mom i snapped on him and he said he didnt know who i was and that i was crazy and leave his family alone the weird thing was that the woman he was with was me how i look right now (the size i am now b4 the surgery) hes scared im gonna leave him once i get skinny which sorry to burst his bubble im not going no where there are ups and downs in relationships im not gonna run at the 1st sight of a bad time that is just not me he dont understand he is the 1st one ever who has not abused me in one way or another he has never abused me emotionally mentally physically sexual or financially every 1 i have been with except him has abuse me in one or more of them ways abuse is just not physical sigh still havent had a smoke but i really wont one right now sigh do i buy some or fight the urge sigh it just im really upset from that dream i know i need this surgery in order for me to lose all the weight the doc says i need to loose in order to be healthy and be able to have a successful pregnancy i dont think he realizes how it has effected me emotionally and mentally and physically after we have a miscarriage sigh i just wanna cry well thats all for now just gonna lay here and hopefully i get some sleep and he talks to me

COMMENTS

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Sidkah
18:57 Apr 23 2011

omg baby tht dream wont come true i will never take our kids from u

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POST COMMENT

so tired but cant sleep in alot of pain i have the house to myself for the night :-( i hate being home alone sigh cant even concentrate on doing homework its been 3 hours since i have had a smoke :-) lets see how long i can go (keeping fingers crossed wont buy another pack) think im just gonna take my meds lay down and watch some tv and hopefully fall asleep and get some rest with out having the nightmares :-( keep having the dream that my husband or one of the kids are hurt somewhere and i cant get to them to help them sigh well thats all for tonight gonna lay down now not feeling the greatest sigh

not to happy what so ever found out some information today and i am very upset and some what disappointed but its all good ill get over it like i always do sigh i have homework today and i havent even started reading the 3 chapters that are required urgh gonna lay down not feeling the greatest i was diagnosed with bulimia when i was much younger and when i get upset or stressed it acts up i have it under control as much as i can thats y i try not to let things get to me but sometimes its hard sigh well time to go

i really dont know what to say or think any more i feel like everything and everyone else is more important to him than me right now sigh....cant let this cloud my mind right now have to keep up in school cant afford to pay back the school right now :-( kids are sick im sick sigh but cant stop me not now not ever gonna quit smoking than onward to having surgery to better my and my families lives and be much healthier than i have been sigh

determination is key tired of getting sick i can do it my quit date is by my bday which is 39 days away as soon as i can do this i can take the next step of getting healthier and have surgery to loose more weight so that Sidkah and I can have a successful pregnancy and complete our family :-) gotta quit smoking in order to have the surgery so im gonna do it not only for Sidkah and our children but for myself so tired of getting sick so tired of nasty steroids and antibiotics :-( and hospital stays determination is key i am strong no one will stop me from doing this not even my self

it has been a very long day today sigh have paper due tonight but cant concentrate on it sigh 3 page essay on American Imperialism in the Nineteenth Century urgh gotta get working on it sometime tonight due by midnight just sitting here chilling with the kids in my bed watching tv

you're my best friend, the love of my life, my hero & my inspiration

Thank you for choosing me to spend the rest of your life with and to be the mother of your children

I promise:

to cherish every single second we share together

live our lives together to the fullest

be your constant friend

your partner in life, your true love and not give up and turn my back on you when times get tough

honor and respect you always

to love you wholey and completely without reservations in good times and bad, sickness and health, and in plenty and poverty

protect you from harm

comfort you in times of distress

stand NEXT to you as your rock and confidant

grow old with you in mind and spirit

to always communicate with you openly, honestly and freely no matter how small the matter is

be faithful to you in mind body and spirit

I promise this all and so much more

for as long as our love should last