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Defender



Last week my ruca wrecked my car pero gracias a dios nothing happen to tha grill just defender.

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.



The first man had married a woman from Illinois and had told her that she was going to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple

of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.



The second man had married a woman from West Virginia . He had give his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and

the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.



The third man had married a beautiful girl from Texas . He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn

mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'



Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'



One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'



To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'



The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars.'



Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot put the craft through all kinds of maneuvers, but not a word was heard. Up, down, back and forth, even sideways, he did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.



When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'



Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'

COMMENTS

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Sinora
22:01 May 15 2008

Yay, another gem lol

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cadrewolf
22:13 May 15 2008

love that one

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1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.







2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine and your NRA magazines.







3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.







4. Leave a note on your door that reads:







"Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour.







Don't mess with the pit bulls - they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad.







I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.







Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.







Cooter"

COMMENTS

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SouthernFreak
18:56 May 14 2008

Haha That was great. Reminded me of a few people I know. lol

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Sinora
22:11 May 14 2008

Omg that was so funny lmao

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meeper
22:43 May 14 2008

I bet that has more sucess than ADT lol

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The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem.

The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him.



The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough,

the usual method to check for a hernia

'Aha!' mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. 'Aha!' said the doctor

once more, and reached for his surgical scissors.



Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side... then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.



The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his boys were no longer aching.



The doctor said, 'How does that feel now?'

The midget replied, 'Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?'



The doctor replied 'I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots.'

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.



The Wal-Mart greeter said pleasantly

'Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'





The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'No they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'











'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,' replied the greeter, 'I just couldn't imagine someone making love to you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'

COMMENTS

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sockpuppet
15:41 May 01 2008

Cussing is foreplay in these parts :p

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ladygoddessaries
15:57 May 01 2008

*giggles* Nice.. sounds like something I would have said to the bitchy woman.

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A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft

any skin from his body because he was too skinny.



So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come

from her buttocks.



The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their

secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.



After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!



One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"



"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

COMMENTS

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Oceanne
15:32 May 01 2008

O_ooo

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Sinora
20:33 May 01 2008

lmao

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