The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

This is what I get for reading (and posting) to the old fart's thread in the forum...



S U P E R E X P R E S S



WINNER!

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You have won 1 Favor for The House of Umbrae Octo.



what did I have in BEFORE I got it right??



Super EMPRESS

Cleaning and recovering the furniture in burgandy velvet: $25,000



Tasteful artistic renditions of nude males for the walls: $10,000



Building a deluxe soapbox complete with an extra padded, velvet covered seat for someone to sit on and rant when they are too tired to stand and rant: $250



Having friends who will understand and appreciate this journal entry: Priceless

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.



One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me

through all of the bad times."



"When I got fired, you were there to support me."



"When my business failed, you were there."



"When I got shot, you were by my side."



'When we lost the house, you stayed right here."



"When my health started failing, you were still by my side...You know what?"



"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.



"I think you're bad luck, get the fuck away from me."

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."





Milton Berle (1908-2002)

State inmates outlive people on outside 1 hour, 5 minutes ago







State prison inmates, particularly blacks, are living longer on average than people on the outside, the government said Sunday.



Inmates in state prisons are dying at an average yearly rate of 250 per 100,000, according to the latest figures reported to the Justice Department by state prison officials. By comparison, the overall population of people between age 15 and 64 is dying at a rate of 308 a year.



For black inmates, the rate was 57 percent lower than among the overall black population — 206 versus 484. But white and Hispanic prisoners both had death rates slightly above their counterparts in the overall population.



The Justice Department's Bureau of Justice Statistics said 12,129 state prisoners died between 2001 through 2004.



Eight percent were murdered or killed themselves, 2 percent died of alcohol, drugs or accidental injuries, and 1 percent of the deaths could not be explained, the report said.



The rest of the deaths — 89 percent — were due to medical reasons. Of those, two-thirds of inmates had the medical problem they died of before they were admitted to prison.



Medical problems that were most common among both men and women in state prisons were heart disease, lung and liver cancer, liver diseases and AIDS-related causes.



But the death rate among men was 72 percent higher than among women. Nearly one-quarter of the women who died had breast, ovarian, cervical or uterine cancer.



Four percent of the men who died had prostate or testicular cancer.



More than half the inmates 65 or older who died in state prisons were at least 55 when they were admitted to prison.



State prison officials reported that 94 percent of their inmates who died from an illness had been evaluated by a medical professional for that illness, and 93 percent got medication for it.



Eighty-nine percent of these inmates had gotten X-rays, MRI exams, blood tests and other diagnostic work, state prison officials told the bureau.



___



On the Net:



Bureau of Justice Statistics report: http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/abstract/mcdsp04.htm

After my mother died, my father had a photocopy of this stuck to his mirror in his bedroom...before I left Florida, my ex husband miraculously had one himself...I wonder...



I am lost. I have gone to find myself, if I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.

A Hole Is to Dig

by Ruth Krauss and Maurice Sendak





What is a hole?

A hole is when you step in it

you go down



A hole is

for a mouse

to live in.



And, of course,a hole is to dig.

· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.



· Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.



· The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.



· Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.



· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.



· Life is sexually transmitted.



· Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.



· The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.



· Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.



· Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.



· Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?



· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.



· All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.



· In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.



· Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.



· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?



· Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"



· Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."



· Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?



· If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?



· Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?



· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?



· If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?



· If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?



· Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?



· Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?



· Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?



· Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?



· Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?



· Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?

Vampire Bats



A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, face all covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.



Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to piss off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.



OK, follow me, he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a huge forest.



Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him tongues hanging out for blood.



"Do you see that large oak tree over there?" he asked. "YES, YES, YES!!!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.



"Good!" said the first bat, "Because I fucking didn't"

I logged on today, several times actually, since the site kept booting me off for this and that reason, who the hell knows...and of course everytime I logged back in, there it was...





18:23:43

Jan 11 2007



The Vampire Database submission process has been revised. When you make a suggestion for the database, your suggestion goes into a queue that the Procurators have direct access to. This should speed up the submission and approval process.



If you've submitted items under the old system and they were never added to the database, you'll have to resubmit under the new system.



The new submission forms are at the base of every Vampire Database section page. You will only see the form if you are logged in.



Cancer

The Prince



once upon a time, I had shelves, HUGE shelves, built in shelves in an old house that I loved until the family inside just dissolved...on those shelves were countless books on vampirism, both fiction and non-fiction, for pleasure and for research (which to me is one and the same, actually), and over the course of the weekend, I had carefully gone through the book section in the database, and carefully compared it to my library, and in a rather long email to the database god/goddess I listed the books I had that were not listed in the database. It was a weekend's worth of work, but when I was through, I felt like I had contributed something solid to the site, something viable and useful....

Then I waited...

and waited...

and waited..

and never heard or saw anything for all my efforts...so I figured fine, maybe I did something wrong, submitted it in the wrong format or something, so I re-typed in the list again, and sent it off to the black hole that is to me the average computer...

And I waited....

yada, yada, yada....

now here I am, in Canada, thousands of miles away from where I first logged into VR, my books (the ones I could pack and take with me) are mostly still in boxes, and while some of my vampire collection made it here with me this trip, most are still lanquishing back in the house in Florida, at the mercy of my ex husband who never really understood my fascination with things that go bump in the night.....

And I wonder...

That much effort, and time, spent not once, but twice.....should I even try to go through all that again?

*sigh* I am so tired.....

There are......

00:49:38 - Sep 21 2006

Times Read: 72







• 262 profiles with Blood in the name.



• 331 Darks



• 118 Deaths



• 46 Lords



• 44 Queens



• 44 Princess's



• 389 Vamps.



• 1 Daire.







I suddenly feel like Robert Preston in "Victor/Victoria"



*sigh* Daire, you putz...lol

from the 1931 production of "Dracula" directed by Todd Browning:



"Lofty timbers, the walls around are bare...

Echoing to our laughter as though the dead were there...

Quaff a cup to the dead already,

Hooray for the next to die!"

.......soft, warm and deep, silently floating towards the light of a snowy day, wrapped in the haven of a thick comforter and the strength of my lover's arms, both of us slowly swimming to conciousness, lured closer to each other by the shifting and undulation of our respective bodies.....

Needn't be out of bed for a couple of hours yet, whispy fleeting touches turn warmer, more heated, as hands take the place of fingertips, and sheets, blankets, and quilts are pushed out of the way to allow the contact of body to body......

.....rigidity meets tender skin, lips pressing tightly to each other.....

.....a gentle, strengthening rhythm rocking to and fro, in and out, back and forth...





*here is where the beautiful music swells in the background of your average movie, something beautiful, something classical and moving...*

What do I get? The 13 year old girl upstairs in the house we rent an apartment in practicing piano....

Is she playing something beuatiful, something classic, something moving...?

HELL no....I get the theme from "SUPERMAN"



You know the one...the original movie, Christopher Reeve, a classic performance...yes, that one....you'll be hearing it forever now, won't you, bunch of perverts...*chuckling*

Do you have any idea how hard it is to make love, keep the rhythm, and laugh hysterically?

Fucking impossible.....so to speak...

From: "GetYourDegrew" (Add to address book)

Date: 2007/01/11 Thu AM 10:55:50 EST

To: bardiva@tds.net

Subject: Earn an accredited degree from home. Find out how





And we bitch about the kids HERE not being able to spell....holy Dick and Jane, Batman...

In reading the journals of a few fellow southern women on here (hello to VW and El...lol) I have come to the conclusion that we southern women are way more alike than we are willing to admit sometimes...

I for one was raised in Macon, Georgia, the small town directly in the path of Sherman's march to the sea from Atlanta...We are as steeped in civil war history as many of the other names you will see below the Mason- Dixon line, and have the scars to prove it. But we also have the heritage that makes us who we are...

Vampirewitch39 and Elemental, as far as I can tell, were both born and raised in Kentucky...get out your history books folks, it's all the same accent pretty much...and so when I have been reading with GREAT relish (preferably chow-chow....look it up) the vacation extraordinaire those two are sharing, and their individual takes on said vacation, I couldn't help but remember a line from one of my all time favorite southern movies.....



*in my best Olympia Dukakis form*



"If you can't say something nice about someone, come sit next to me..."



*raising a glass of cold sweet ice tea (the house wine of the south) over a plate of ribs and slaw*



Enjoy, girls- you have by-God earned it, both of you...

Are you sick of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound like

Hallmark cards, and never come close to reality? Well, here is a series of

promises that really speak to true friendship:



1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the

sorry jerk who made you sad.



2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.



3. When you smile - I will know you've finally had sex.



4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.



5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse

it could be and tell you to quit whining.



6. When you are confused - I will use little words.



7. When you are sick -- stay the heck away from me until you are well again, I

don't want whatever you have.



8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt.



This is my oath...I pledge it till the end. Why, you ask? Because you are my

friend. Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you

can only think of two, and one of them isn't speaking to you anyway. Remember: A

good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body.

Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel

THANKS FOR THE FRIENDSHIP.!!!!!

God Bless Bubba

City Councilman from Midland , TX , ejected from studio



T. Bubba Bechtol, part time City Councilman from Midland, TX, was asked on a local live radio talk show the other day just what he thought of the allegations of torture of the Iraqi prisoners. His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

"If hooking up an Iraqi prisoner's scrotum to a car's battery cables will save one American GI's life, then I have just two things to say":

"Red is positive"

"Black is negative"

This is how it starts...you're "neatening" up your email, so you make all these little folders, and then you have all these neat places to put your emails, most of which you will now NEVER look at again. So months or years done the road, you start going through these folders to see just how much of this shit you actually want to keep taking up space in your account...



And that is when you find jewels like these...



1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.



2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.



3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.



4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.



5. No one is listening until you fart.



6. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.



7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.



8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.



9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.



10. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.



11. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.



12. Never miss a good chance to shut up.



13. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.



14. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."



15. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.



16. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

As I'm sure some of you know from reading my journal, my stepmother is at it again...this week she once again renewed her attack to get me to sell the house my father left when he died, for her in a life estate until she passes, then it becomes solely my house. It was a beautiful house, and one I would have loved to live in eventually, but my stepmother has so twisted everything with her hate and filth, that I cannot even bear the thought of setting foot in that place again, for fear of becoming tainted with her hate and malice...imagine what this is doing to an empath, if you will....then close it away, if you can.,.I can't.

I need help. I am not usually one to ask for help for myself- usually I am the one helping others, getting them what they need, being a friend for them to cry to, or just being the "go to gal" for whoever needs me for it. So when I ask for help, I do not do it lightly, nor do I do it easily...but quite frankly I am at the end of my rope, and there isn't enough to tie a knot into the end of for me to hang on to....

Once upon a time, I had customers, people high up in business and law and everything, and they were friends and I took care of them when they came into the bar, without so much as thinking about getting anything in return. It just was what I did- I took care of people. But I had to make a change, and part of that change was moving to Canada to be with the man who loved me enough to rescue me from all that hate and misery I was wallowing in, and I don't for one minute regret that choice. I just don't have the resources available to me that I used to, and I have gotten to the point where I need help...a knight in shining armor, a lawyer with huge serrated teeth, SOMEONE, anyone who will help me deal with this and let me get what is the best deal for ME- not to suck up to her, not to appease her so she will go away, but to make her PAY for all the things of mine she has stolen and sold, for all the hate, misery and outright filth she has thrown at me, all in the name of ...of what??? I don't even know WHY she wants to keep such vileness alive inside herself, unless hating me is the only thing KEEPING her alive....I just want this to be over and done, so I can get on with my life....is that asking so much? Can't anybody help me? or did I use up all my help points somewhere else.....

Well, what do ya know...this just seems to be my day for bitchin' and moanin', ad naseum....oh well...



I never thought of myself as the type of woman that men (and I use that term loosely, since the "men" I am referring to for this particular rant seem to range in age from 5 to 500 apparently)

I am not unhappy with my body, or myself, but I am however a realist. I simply ain't " all that and a bag o chips" as some people like to say (try explaining THAT phrase to a family of Canadians...lol) I am healthy, well built, but not the slim Barbie doll type that most men seem to prefer, nor do I land squarely in the BBW category I see online more and more these days. I'm just a mature woman in her 40's who happens to enjoy playing on a vampire related site....no harm there, is there?

And on many sites here, I have seen women who have prefaced their profiles with "don't even THINK about coming at me with that I want to do ______ or ________ to you, aren't you hot now?" or god forbid (my favorite opening line) "what are you wearing?" *brief flashback to "Friends", and Monica saying nothing but rubber gloves...lol*

I am what I am, and I enjoy making new friends here, but I fail to see how someone who has never even so much as said hi to me on this site, will pop up first by biting me, and then by saying something as incongruous as *hugging you tight*, *licking my lips*, the aforementioned "what are you wearing" or various and sundry vulgar suggestions about what they would like to do to me in various positions. And as stated above, these guys range in age from "I'm old enough to be your mother" to "you're old enough to be my grandfather".



I mean really....are you so desparate that you hit on the first woman who happens to still be logged on? Like a wise man once said "Ask 100 women if they want to fuck- 99 will slap your face, but at least once you'll get laid..."



Guys, I may not be much to look at, but let me give you some advice- for every trashy woman on this site, you will find a dozen who are ladies, and well worth your time to get to know in a civilized manner. You want to find some good people, do us all a favor, treat the women here like ladies until they prove otherwise....you'll feel alot better about things in general in the morning if you do...

And you are a whole lot less likely to recognize yourself in one of these journal entries....

sure as shit....what else could have happened...

I go off on a tangent about hitting profiles to rate and ending up with a pop up...what did I say?



" I will rate that profile low, no matter what it actually looks like"



what did I actually say to this guy?

"Get that pop up off your profile and I'll come back and rerate when I can see your profile"



*shaking me head* it never fails.....



I actually gave the guy a 5....I'm such a softie this time of the morning

*dragging soapbox to center stage, and eyeing the multiple ruts across the floor as I do*



Note to self, with everyone using the soapbox, I believe it is time to re-sand the floors...



I have noticed a rather disturbing trend in the past couple of days. As I have mentioned before, I decided to go back through everyone who had rated me, and make sure I had rated them as a courtesy, thus getting caught up with my rating, and yet tactfully avoiding rating the newbies who either haven't had time to do anything decipherable to their profile, or simply don't give a shit how stupid they come across, thus causing me to stamp and run, as they say...

However, in the past couple of days, I have started to notice a rather irritating tactic amongst certain profiles...

At first, I thought maybe it was me, that I was hitting something wrong on the computer...then I realized that certain profiles (for it happened more than once on other profiles) actually redirected you to other sites automatically, such as stock sites, etc. My initial reaction was one of irritation, and then frustration when in shutting the redirected site down, I also shut down my connection to VR.

Allow me to give vent to my initial response to these sorts of things....



1) to give whatever profile I happened to be "trying" to view a rating of one-no explanation, no reason, just one-



2) to wade through the extra shit, then fairly rate the offending profile based on it's content, not what some silly person put on there to earn some cash or whatever...



HELLO??? *waving at the inhabitants of VR*

If I had wanted to read up on stock tips, dog grooming, or how to paint yourself green, I am perfectly capable of loading up my browser and hunting these things on my own...I do not come here to see that kind of thing; I am here to learn, talk to like minded friends and new individuals, and to occasionally rant and rave about the injustices of the universe, this of course being one of them.

For future reference, although of the two or three profiles I came across that did this, I did actually fish through, read through your profile, and rate you fairly for the work you did on your profile...

In the future, I doubt I will be as fair...



*END TRANSMISSION*

*soapbox duly returned to it's quiet corner*