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well my daughter is staying at darren and lauras place thru sunday, laura is going to be our mediator when she moves back in. We are each writing up our own lists of expectations and have agreed to go to counseling together. I truly hope this works yet in my heart a part of me has been damaged, I somehow have a hard time believing things will work out. Her birthday is in a week and darrens is in a few days.



Other things, D.C is coming in january and i can't hardly wait, I am so excited, I hope things go well for us.....

what am I to do? she blames everything on me and in turn i feel as if i am a failure as a mother. I never thought I would see this day, it saddens me so.....her father is a piece of worthless shit, doesn't even have his own place, once again, so how does he think he can provide for her. She doesn't want to be here thats for sure and basically is doing as she pleases. I could call her in as a runaway but what would that solve. I am at my wits end....

my daughter has left again, of course I tried to stop her but to no avail, we are enemies now at the least strangers. I cry oceans of tears. I am successful at nothing, nothing and empty, that is me.



I just wish to find inner peace so hard to do when everything I touch is destroyed or destroys me.



Feelings are just too much, I cannot afford to have them at this juncture.

omg, omg, Adam just told me that he loves me, we haven't spoken to each other in at least 2 months and then boom, he messages me on yahoo, we talk, about my divorce, he asked my status then confessed that I had "stolen his heart", it was all very romantic actually and then said the three little words that at one point might have been welcomed.....and then I learn that his family was killed in a car crash, his father, my heart truly goes out to him. I don't know what I feel for Adam, he wants to fly me to Cairo but I don't think I should, my heart lies elsewhere at this time even though it is not returned.....the men in my life are always a little too late, I am confused. He scares me in some ways, he said he would kill another man if they even so much as touched me, he admits to being extremely jealous, but I haven't even been near another man since my divorce. Also the fact that he lives in Egypt, and I fear as before that I am too independent for him, I would never stand for being controlled and I think that he may well be that way, he has already shown the bossy side of him and I don't care for it one bit. I feel sick to my stomach.....

Someone please shut me up, I have the biggest mouth of anyone I know, what a complete idiot I have been......

I am feeling things that I haven't felt for a long, long time, I'm scared but I will hold out for him because he is worth it .

ok, and I am the one who posts about trust.....maybe I shouldn't trust people after all. Idk, idc.....



previous post was about a friend, not a love interest for those of you wondering, but it brought up some very valid issues and my violent temper of course, lol, where would I be without it.



All is not well in my little world, my daughter is becoming a stranger and I am not liking her much but I believe the sentiment is mutual. Our closeness has been shattered by something ugly and unnamed.

men , men, men, oh how I hate them. They have slaughtered me time and again, when will I ever learn omg I pray that I learn this time. What a kind man I had thought, but I have learned the worse about even the best, pray that I never make the same mistake twice. I usually don't....wow though.......

So I just got a message this morning from someone I use to care a lot for...I was surprised because it should have been written to me a month ago. I don't know if I want to cry or not, a part of my heart feels like its been stabbed and yet the part that really matters is long gone. He can't have me, it's too late, the moment has came and gone, he's got some nerve though, lol.