The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

The 12 Types of Females





1. Ms. Gold-Digger



Advantages

a. You have some one to manage your money.

b. She always looks good.

c. She makes your other niggas jealous.

d. She makes you look good.



Disadvantages

a. When you get broke she'll be gone and take what you have left.

b. She makes sure she has a child by you to sue you for child support.

c. Once your nigga comes up she'll be on his arm the next day.









2. Ms. Freak (secret lover)



Advantages

a. She knows all the right positions.

b. She'll try everything more than once.

c. You're never unsatisfied.

d. She'll do all the things your girl won't do.

e. She doesn't mind being your freak, as long as she catches one too.



Disadvantages

a. Eventually, b/c she's a female, she'll end up catching feelings.

b. She starts to act like she's your "main".

c. She fucks wit ya boy and act like you in the wrong for telling her that she's a freak.

d. Eventually her shit gets old. And you need a replacement.







3. Ms. Independent



Advantages

a. You don't have to worry about buying her anything. She got it.

b. She's intelligent, sassy, confident and determined.

c. She's great for (business) conversation.

d. She keeps it real and has goals.

e. She knows how to please a man.



Disadvantages

a. She will continuously let you know, that she can handle it on her own.

b. She will eventually say fuck you and get a dildo.

c. She will consider you another one her play toys, or goals.





4. Ms. Dyme

Advantages

a. She's top of the line.

b. She stays looking like a fantasy.

c. She has the body of a goddess with the face to match.

d. She considers herself a "model"

e. Gets you on hard whenever you see her.

f. All the girls envy her, but she doesn't care.



Disadvantages

a. She's superficial. She cares only about her looks.

b. She honestly lacks confidence and will annoy you about the way she looks.

c. She's probably dumb as hell and if she's not her personality is dry.

d. You have to constantly keep your game up b/c every nigga is gonna try to get her.





5. Ms. Tomboy



Advantages

a. She's cool and laid back.

b. She'll be willing to play rough with you.

c. Of course, she loves sports.

d. Her body is athletically divine.

e. She's easy to talk to and fun to be around.

f. She's a diamond in the rough.



Disadvantages

a. She'll remind you too much of your nigga.

b. She might not want to change her appearance.

c. She might actually beat you in basketball, football and track.





6. Ms. Ghetto



Advantages

a. She's not afraid of any other female or male. She will fight to keep you.

b. She's down for you. She'll be there to bail you out of jail.

c. She's always stays fresh.

d. She can cook up a storm. She can make the best out of a bad situation.

e. She keeps it real and keeps you satisfied.



Disadvantages

a. She doesn't know how to act in public.

b. Your mama can't stand her.

c. You get into with her every other second.

d. She's willing to fight another girl looking at you or her PERIOD.

e. Her weave colors are distracting and her vocabulary is minimal.





7. Ms. Good Girl



Advantages

a. She's always there for you.

b. She's intelligent, classy, kind, sweet and cool.

c. Your mother loves her.

d. You can see yourself falling in love with her.

e. You are her first everything.

f. She makes you feel like a man.



Disadvantages

a. She's an A or B situation either:

A. You're not gonna get any until ya'll are married or

B. She said she's never done - she said she's never tried - she's sitting there telling a muthafukkin' lie.





8. Ms. Main



Advantages

a. She is the one you respect.

b. She probably may know about the others but might not care.

c. She has all the qualities you want in a female.

d. You've been with her forever.



Disadvantages

a. She starts getting very suspicious and calls you every moment.

b. She will devise a plan to catch you in your act and then kick your ass





9. Ms. Psycho



Advantages

a. She's fun and spontaneous.

b. She's down to earth.

c. She loves you unconditionally.

d. Everything about her is too good to be true. So everyone loves her.

e. She makes you feel loved.



Disadvantages

a. Don't you break up with her. She will stalk your ass.

b. She keeps pictures of you everywhere and knows everything about you.

c. She can manipulate the hell out of you.

d. She will consider herself wifey even if she may just be that chick on the side.

e. Fuckin' with her can make your life a living hell.





10. Ms. I have a Man



Advantages

a. She may have a man but she'll mess with you anyway.

b. She looks good.

c. You have an intense night of passion with her.



Disadvantages

a. She'll always come crying to you about the problems with her man.

b. She'll get you caught up and then leave you anyway for her man.

c. If you piss her off she'll get her man to come beat your ass.

d. She'll unofficially make you her man once she gets pissed off at her real man.



11. Ms. Tease



Advantages

a. She's tempting and a nice piece of eye candy.

b. She's intelligent, athletic, respectable and SEXXXXXXY.

c. She knows how to turn you on without touching you.

d. Everything she does is just so sensual.

e. She can bring you to that point and make you wait to get it.

f. Every time you see her you catch a mini orgasm.

g. Every nigga wants her b/c she's so mysterious and that makes you want to get her first.



Disadvantages

a. NO matter what you think or do you never get it.

b. She probably has a long distance boyfriend somewhere that you will never know about.

c. She gets you hard and leaves you like that. (Unbearable)





12. MRS. RIGHT



Advantages

a. She is not sexy, fine, or a dyme she is Beautiful and therefore encompasses all of these descriptions.

b. She is intelligent, sassy, funny, outgoing, determined, strong and classy.

c. She can cook or at least order a meal that is just like your mother's.

d. Her personality is just as beautiful as her body.

e. She believes in God and follows his virtues.

f. She knows that a relationship requires a 200% quota yet she gives her man an extra 10%.

g. She can please her man in anyway. Mentally, Spiritually, and Sexually.

h. She makes you recognize your full potential as a man and completes you.

i. She's always there for, no matter what your dreams are.

j. She's not afraid to tell you the truth and set you straight.

k. You can talk to her and confide in her, she's your best friend.

l. You love being around her more than your boys.

m. You can share your most intimate moments with her without sex.

n. You can have a bad argument with her and have the BEST Mind Numbing and passionate love making fest ever.

o. She's always willing to find a way to work out your problems and will often take most of your *bleep*. But she's also intelligent enough to leave.

p. She's nothing like any other girl you've met. She's your woman.



Disadvantage

a. You've probably met her, or had her in your life but got too consumed with all the other types that you let her go