The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I know I will always fall on my feet...



if I land in shit, I'll come up smelling like roses



I know I will always find a way to get the things that are important to me...



and the world may not revolve around me, but I am a key player in the world around me



I know God loves me, and He will watch out for me



I know God is there for me, even if He doesn't always seem to be



I know sometimes He'll leave me to do as best as I can



but He'll always be knowing, understanding, and loving



I know life will throw hurdles in my way, but I know I can duck the punches and bend in the wind.



I know sometimes it's scary, things look so rough,



I know there's always a way to be tough



I know I'm arrogant, but I know that it's false



I'm modest always, except when it's rough



The things I'm most unsure of, are the things I appear the most arrogant....



but when I'm the toughest, I'm more vulnerable within



I know I have to get through this, time and this life



I know that He's waiting as long as I do right



I know that I affect those who make up my little world



I know I will always strive to make the best impression on them that I can.

I'm trying so hard to be what I need to become. I don't understand exactly what I'm doing though, and I find myself lost more often than not. It's hard to explain to myself, so I have no clue how to display the emotion for anyone else. When I try to talk to Him about it I just manage to get confused and that always leads to me in trouble.



He says she came out when I wasn't paying attention. That implies much more than I can begin to explain. How the hell could she do that, and without me knowing?



She says it started because he mentioned posting certain types of pictures. I know he did it only to scare and humble me... I know he wouldn't actually do it... but it set off the system. I got truly scared in that moment and nothing I could say or do would kill the feeling.



so she came out to play. That's really interesting, despite that it scares me. If I remain clinical, objective about it.



She came out and she either lied or bluffed or just told the truth. I don't know which. I do know that she came out of it HIGHLY annoyed and aggitated. Barely able to string together a coherent thought. She was, how to say, rattled.



Rattled, that's a good word for it. He thinks that she's in love with him, but she says that's him being arrogant and egotistical. I might have to agree but only because she's not meant for that kind of emotion. There's nothing in her programing that's made for love. It's like an ant loving a human. It's not possible.



This can not and will not be tolerated. If she wasn't lying then she was revealing my most precious and private secrets. Or she was trying to chase him away, which is just as bad. It's not her choice to make, and despite what he says about my not having choices... it's still a delibrate, concious choice on my part. She has no right to try and take that away from me.

Everything is changing. I'm kinda used to that, but I really thought I had built myself a life here. Not a particulary good life, but a life none the less... however here I am about to pick up again, this time for far away. I'm scared, but also excited.



My long term plan involves a second, even bigger move in a year or so. I'm really scared about this one because I'm not sure I'll be able to be what is expected of me. I'm going with the cards stacked against me already. I'm very nervous.



Everything is up in the air and scary... yet part of me is excited beyond measure.



I have to go through all my stuff and decide what's of importance to me, and what I can bear to leave behind... it's all got to go. All of it. I'm bringing as little with me as possible.