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I have been labeled the one thing that I have swore a blood oath that i would rather kill myself than be.

I am a baby mom, another girl that fucked up and had sex with the wrong guy while he tried to worked out what he was feeling for his ex.

* sighs*

It feel so much worse because there is another life invovled and * shakes head*

I was a kid that came from two people that thought they loved each other. Obnly dear old dad had other plans. And my mother ended up raising me alone.

* Starts to shed tears* I never wanted this and I know God or who ever is laughing at me right now. I have become my mother and I hate myself so much. Why ... why can't I find someone that wants me for me.

* sighs and chuckles still crying* I guess guys like that are nothing more than friends to me cause i wanted so bad to believe that the father of my kid wanted me back.

How stupid of me, when all my other relationships failed. What would make this any different.

*puts head in my hands*

I feel like i could rip this life out of me and give it to someone else. But I know that i can't do that and it's not his little fault that I fucked up and thought i had found the arms of someone that wanted me back.

* snuffles and bares me fangs* But if that ass thinks his going to bring that bitch around my baby or let her touch him. I am going to rip him apart more than I have ever wanted to kill someone in my life.

I have broken all the promises and vows to myself because i believed all the lies a male as told me. I will damned if i am going to get let my baby get hurt by any one.

After finding out that i was pregnate things have seem to go from good to bad. And have been getting worse so far until now. This seem to be getting back on track and all the evil in my life is leaving me and those that I can for alone.

But apart of me is wondering if it will come back in to my life, which is also a fear of mine.



The things that are bothering me now are having a place to stay after I deliver the baby.

The father of the baby wants me to move with him to Gary which sounds wonderful but there are people holding me back . They have good cause for they have seen me hurt before after I moved in with someone else. And took me in when i have no where else to go.

And I want to go out on this limb with the father of my first born but I don't want to risk finding that there was nothing but air there when i was told there was soild ground.

* shakes head* And with a baby that would be hell. And I fear that more than life right now.

I just hope that when the baby gets here, I know honestly what is going to happen.

*sighs*

If I fuck up this time I have no where to fall.