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The first time I had seen her when she was really not feeling well after her diagnosis, she seemed like a different person. It was more than physical. She had a turned in quality to her, and she was so much more negative. That's understandable to a certain extent, but I wasn't expecting quite so big a change. Her sister and our mutual friend had noticed it, too. Was it the diagnosis and the memory of seeing her father suffer with this? Was it the medications she was on? Was it a combination of these?

Then, months later, she just gave up. Starved herself because she couldn't get assisted suicide. Her sister blames my friend's ex-husband for helping her attempt suicide a few months ago and for this time. She and my other friend wonder if he somehow put the idea in her head. I don't know what to think. I had not been as close to her as I used to be, and I mostly communicated with her through a mutual friend. The last time I got together with her was this past summer. a few of us got together and had Thai food. She seemed closer to her old self. Maybe a bit more optimistic than she had been the last time I saw her.

And now she's gone.
I can still remember the sound of her voice, and the sound of her laugh, so much more rare than it used to be.

I know that memory will fade.

A friend died today.