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My boat started taking on water a long time ago.

As I write this I realize that there are things I can't say, not even on here. This is where I used to put all these thoughts. Now I can't put them here, either, and I don't seem to be able to keep track of a paper journal and carry it around and remember to write in it. And I SILL edit myself when I do. Who do I think will read it? What do I think they'll think? Why do I care? So I have less and less I "can" say (although I realize I CAN say it, it's just that I am preventing myself from doing so) and so it just swirls around in my head and never gets expressed to anyone.

My worlds don't connect. I don't have a lot in common with anyone from any of my worlds. Some things in common in this one and some in that one, but there is no crossover. I don't completely fit anywhere and I am so lonely.

But I keep going. I don't know any other way to be.

COMMENTS

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TheArtistRose
15:25 Apr 20 2018

I know the feeling of not being able to write everything on here.
Too bad the private option isn't there for regular members.

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Here I am again. Finals are coming up. In fact, the first one is this Wednesday. I'm not sure I'm ready. I have had to adjust my expectations because of time and physical issues. I have had to learn to do less. I do not like it. I wanted to be able to put full energy into all my assignments and tests, every time. Instead, I've found myself having to make choices and telling myself it's okay. I'm still getting good grades. I just feel guilty for taking it a little easy (even though I'm still working my butt off.) But an A- or a B is not the end of the world, especially if it means I don't have to miss school or work because I got sick or had to miss visiting with friends whose emotional support I need. I have a lot to think about going forward and I'm not sure what is going to come next. I have a few ideas.