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Dear all the writers in this world. I am a lonely soul. A sociopath who uses this place to confide my thoughts and heart and days.



today had been a hard day. everyday is a hard day for everyone right? for me is hard cause my body is getting rigid and at only age 28. others are having family abuses and others hard time in finding a job or they loose the house and to feed themselves. others are struggling with their inner demons and trying not to succumb to the dark side as in : killing someone else, preparing a heist, becoming a prostitute or drug dealers, scammers and con artists, drug or alcohol addicts, hitting your partner and children and so on. life is hard enough as it is that hitting the dark world is easy way out and living without stepping in it is the hardest. I lived in the dark world nd I got no shame of it.



I don't it to get a roof on the head and something to eat. drugs and alcohol to screw my brains on purpose so one day I become forgetful enough that those blackest years of my life will be gone from my memory. what had happened and done to me can never be cancelled but it helps to forget. Sold myself to get a warm bed instead of being homeless and beaten to death for one spot by another homeless.



but I got no shame cause what I done is to keep self preservation of remaining Alive. remaining alive is hard and dying is easy. people die everyday.

today I am going rigid yet I keep going to my art lessons and driving lessons. tomorrow who knows what preserves for me. But tonight I shall rest my poor shabby bones in my bed. =) goodnight world of writers. Goodnight readers.

Abused and molded into a creature of no importance



Life been crazy enough as it is. Somehow it's much harder for people who had been abused. Being abused, it does not mean there was sex abuse. It can mean lots of things. Like verbal and emotional abuse. Mental and verbal abuse. Physical and mental abuse. All of it is abuse not just unconcented sex. Like rape.



Many people feel sorry and compassion towards disabled people. But do they know that also a disabled person bound to bed or wheelchair alone for life can do to the relative living with him or her or the carer? No. They don't even bother to think. I do know though.

I know well from experience. And honestly it's one of the reasons I am leaving Malta for good and change my name and surname more than once if it's needed.



As long as I am not found out by relatives that is all I care. Another few plans is to get loads of cash as much as I can to be financial secured and also start so withing for the kids who had been physical or mentally broken. I can mold them and make them stronger. Getting them moving on with their lives and getting therapy every time they need it. And school and helping them dealing with their emotions and other problems everyday in the right way so they don't risk to become abusers or suicide or killers.



First thing first. Once I am in London get an apartment and get my cat.

Second search for the job whatever it can be as long it gives me cash enough to make amends for the month, my cat's need and pay the flight and come back with yuuki.



Then all the cash I get is for rent and bills and cats. Clothes for the jobs to get more cash and my time off will be cleaning my apartment and start to self study maths and then when I am ready one day hopefully I succeed in going to do O levels.

Then I will try art and English. And if I succeed on the O'levels too will be bonus for myself. And I will keep it to myself.

COMMENTS

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AngelicaRose
23:41 Oct 06 2014

You are so right. People seldom realize how care takers are affected by having to take care of someone constantly with out help. Even though we may care for the one we are taking care of the burden of being solely responsible for the welfare of an adult family member who is completely disabled is hard to bear at times. You are to be commended for the effort you put into the care you gave your family member.....be proud of yourself and good luck with your new life!!!

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Hello VR Members



How are you? I got a say here. I got a severe eating disorder. It's called Bulimia stress disorder. When I am stressed I need to throw up. A bit anxiety and again I go. Frustration and again. Whatever I eat it goes out. Or it causes me a severe diarrhea for a bloody week. Well now you know. It's not because I want to loose weight. It's not fun throwing up really leaves bad taste in the mouth.

But the food itself it's like to be there to help me to kick the stress out without causing severe damage to my stomach. It's a relief every time it happens but still migraines and still sore throats and back pains. Well fuck it. C'est la vie or how the fuck it's called ey?