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one of the reasons i am depressed cause when i need to open up with a friend i cant.



Maali a Tunisian friend whom I grew with from secondary school for five years then we remained friends used to hear me out it just in these last 3 years she really changed. She had bad experience with first husband and second one too and lost her mental stability during her first by causing a typical borderline disorder in adding depression and also anxiety but more and more an inferior security of herself and want to be loved so badly by people that she ended up seeing only her problems that are important. Don't know what happened with the 2nd one. and her last boyfriend she broke up and felt bad too. she want me to hear her out which is no problem to me but when it comes to me she hardly ever listens.



The other one end up only laughing in my face and call me depressive icon and another one pretends I am strong as her but when it comes to my physical statement she say I am fat. or my hair does not look good on me when it dies and I know cause I like it and I hardly ever like something about myself. I know well I am fat yet she keeps saying it or else I also know my IQ in school is not that great since I am dyslectic yet again I try very hard to learn. so iot is not I am bringing it as an excuse. on the opposite I work harder from my side willingly so I don't stay behind others or not too much yet she still say I am not the smartest person in the school



If I don't satisfy to her expectations I am not much good so I ended out as no friends and lately my physical aspect no matter how hard I try to change for MY own demanding yet I cant seem to reach the goal I want. I also know I am not attractive and I am an average looking. no attractiveness for F****k sake but hey you know, it bloody hurts as hell that someone keep slamming them in to your face all the time they have an opportunity and they are friends????



I lost faith in what friendship means lately I lost faith in me, I have no faith in dad that he got in me cause all these years in life i only got shit from him or his sisters so even if they something nice I keep thinking something is up in their sleeves or they are just pitying me,



I don't know anymore